Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

[Janine-RO]

Hey @Eden1717 , feeling like the beings are trying to kill you because you didn't do what they wanted before sounds like it would be incredibly scary and unsettling, I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so agitated today. I know you've been having a rough time with the meds, have you had an appointment with your psychiatrist yet? Do you think you'd feel comfortable letting them know how you're feeling at the moment? I'm sorry that you're feeling so crappy today Do you think you'd be able to look at a bit of uni work to distract yourself at all? 

[Eden1717]

@Janine-RO  I cant concentrate well at the moment and havent been able to do a lot of uni work the last 2 days i want to do it but right now i just cant and i am falling behind already which is upsetting me but every time i try and read 2 minutes later and i cant keep going. even this i tried reading your reply like 7 times before i could reply. i dont see my psychiatrist for another week or so. 

[Lost_Space_Explorer5]

Hey @Eden1717, I'm sorry things are so hard for you at the moment Falling behind on uni work sounds really stressful, can the uni offer you any supports or advice? Concentration problems suck and your uni should offer some sort of support for you to help you manage your studies with everything that's going on

[Eden1717]

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  there isnt all that much the uni can do they do try but there is only so much they can do and i still have to complete everything which is half the problem. 

on another note i kind of freaked out before my GP appointment today and ended up crying in the car. now i am a little worried because some certain things are happening again and i dont want my psychs to find out or i am scared of what will happen. 

[Sophia-RO]

Hello @Eden1717, sorry to hear that you freaked out today before your GP appointment, I hope that it didn't last too long! You mentioned feeling worried as you don't want your psychs to find out. Would you be able to explain what you meant by that? Are you feeling safe tonight?

[Eden1717]

@Sophia-RO  I am just experiencing some things that were supposed to not be happening now and some other things are more intense than before but it is hard to explain. 

i saw a public psychiatrist today and lets just say it was a complete waste of time and now i am super agitated, every stinking time i talk to these people i feel a lot worse for the whole rest of the day or even week and i really cant deal with this on top of all the uni stuff and i want to scream and ugh i am so fed up with all of their stupid crap. i am f-ing over it. 

[Eden1717]

and now i have to do a lecture through stinking zoom which means i need to be calm and able to focus which i cant and ugh i dont want to do it but i cant miss it either and i am already behind in uni and i ugh i am so fucking sick of this shit. 

[Hannah-RO]

Hey @Eden1717 , I'm sorry your psychiatrist appointment today was a waste of time and that these sorts of things make you feel worse. Zoom lectures are so bloody hard to stay focussed in even if you're in the best mood ever, so i feel for you about to go into one after having had this shitty experience. Is there anything you could do this afternoon/evening when it's over to help you feel calm and wind down from today's frustrations?

Also I'm around this afternoon if you just need to vent 

[Lost_Space_Explorer5]

Hey @Eden1717, it sucks that the things are happening again and you're worried about what they might do Damn, I get what you mean with uni, they can only give you so many allowances... What do you think about going back to part time or lightening your load? Things sounds really tough at the moment which is making uni hard to balance Ew I hated doing lectures over zoom. The only plus was showing people my cat

You said you cried in the car which although it shows how distressed you are I remember you saying you physically couldn't cry for a long time. Is this the first time you have in a while? Did it feel better to get the emotions out or were you worrying about losing control or something else?

[Eden1717]

@Hannah-RO  I have been trying to just watch netflix and listen to music but it isnt working i am still really agitated and i have so much uni work to do and everything is a huge mess and i am just i cant even explain it 

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  i have been able to cry for a while.... it didnt help though i cant lighten my load and i dont really want to either i am already going to have to finish uni late because i didnt do last semester and i just dont feel like having to do these courses later. i am just so frustrated and i am so sick of having to deal with people who arent good at their jobs and it isnt just me anyone and everyone even half the nurses have been complaining about the mental health services in my area like the whole town knows the services suck and no one can do anything about it and because the hospital has a bad rep for staff bullying no good doctors want to work there. and then the same for the public teams no good doctors want to work there because of the pressures and environment. i nearly screamed at the doctor there today she was horrible. anyway i am never going to see her again so i should try and stop being mad even though i cant.