Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

[Lost_Space_Explorer5]

Can I introduce a new random animal- how about those axolotls hey? They are so random, like what do they think they're doing?

They look so content

[Eden1717]

@Andrea-RO  there are a couple of patients i can kind of talk to but idk there is no one i can talk to about everything. 

@MB95  lol i have actually been thinking about ways to escape anyway idk i cant really ask my mum to do that right now.

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  yes i got it fixed and the axolotls are very cute.

I am having a really bad morning i didnt sleep at all i spent all night crying and the nurses didnt care they just ignored me and got mad at me for not sleeping. I am exhausted now but because i am hardly eating and drinking i am super dehydrated and i cant sleep because of that but i am too scared to drink anything. i just want to get out of here i am so i cant even describe how i feel. 

[Taylor-RO]

Hey @Eden1717, I am glad you have some kind of company to chat to. I can't imagine how horrible you must be feeling given you are so tired, exhausted, hungry, dehyrdated and feeling ignored That must be so unsettling and uncomfortable.

I am wondering if the hopsital staff are aware that you are not eating or drinking?

[MB95]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way @Eden1717. I can't imagine how exhausted you must be feeling! I'm hoping you're able to find some time to sleep today, even if it's just a quick nap. It could make the world of difference! Do you have any relaxing music you could listen to? Might help you feel calm and drift off? I know for me I will often try write everything down so it's out of my head and then I listen to ocean sounds on the Calm app and it often helps me relax? Hope you're able to find something to help today. We're all thinking of you! 💙

[Eden1717]

@Taylor-RO  yes they know, my mum brought me in some food today though and i was so thirsty i started crying because i hadnt drunk in 2 days and i ended up ordering some drinks to be delivered to the hospital which was expensive but i dont care at least i drank something but you can only do that on the weekends so now i have to last the rest of the week not drinking which is going to be painful. 

@MB95  i did manage a short nap this afternoon and and hoping to sleep soon but we will see what happens. i am so exhausted. 

i did have an ok nurse to talk to today so that was good at least but i am super nervous about tomorrow i really dont want to see the doctors and i know i have to if i want to go home but i am so scared they will say no and i will be stuck here and i am scared they will be mad that i havent taken the medications they want me to take and i just i cant deal with this i am so scared i really screwed up this time i should have just kept quiet and not said anything to anyone i am such an idiot. 

[MB95]

You're not an idiot @Eden1717 !!! 

We all say things we wish we hadn't when we're not in a good place, exhausted and scared so try not to beat yourself up about it. 

Will your mum be there with you tomorrow when you see the doctors? Maybe she can help you liaise with them to make it a little less daunting? 

Although things are still pretty full on I think it's amazing you were able to order some drinks and also drink them!! What did you order if you don't mind me asking? I think it's also a good thing that you realise that the fact you got a drink you wanted was far more important than how much it cost. Money sucks sometimes but you really can't put a price on health!! I'm so proud of you for taking that step, it's such a huge achievement and I hope you've taken some time out to acknowledge that and feel proud of yourself too cause I know we are!! 😊

Same with the nap, AWESOME news! I bet you have a crazy amount of sleep to catch up on but were you feeling a little more rested afterwards? Also wondering if there were any strategies you used to take a nap? Or was it just out of pure exhaustion? 

Don't answer all the questions and this long message if you're not up for it! Just wanted to let you know we're thinking of you and are very proud of you for the steps you've achieved today!! 💙

[MB95]

Oh shoot! I almost forgot! 

I'm soooooo happy to hear you had a decent nurse today, that's awesome news! I really hope you have her again soon. What do you think made her different to the others? 

[Bre-RO]

Aww @Eden1717 I can't express how happy I am to see that you're okay. I know things are far from easy for you right now and we are thinking of you everyday. It's so good to hear you had a good nurse, you deserve all the most wonderful nurses and doctors!! I can just imagine how scared you are right now, I am sending you all the comfort in the world to get through your hospital visit. Let us know how you go with the doctor, we are here for you. 

[Lost_Space_Explorer5]

I'm glad you had an okay nurse yesterday @Eden1717 It sounds really uncomfortable not to be drinking though! Do you think your mum could bring in a couple bottles of water for you because not drinking is really dangerous? I hope the meeting with the doctors goes okay, I know they can be intimidating and it can feel really dehumanising being in hospital, without the things that make you you and feeling like you're being studied. Hopefully they are empathetic and listen to you

[Eden1717]

@MB95 @Bre-RO @Lost_Space_Explorer5  thanks everyone.

I am so scared i am shaking right now I saw the doctor and they basically said that if i dont start taking the medications they want me to start they will start giving me injections twice a day against my will the dr kept saying that i was unwell and that "you are saying all these things because you are unwell" and that i have one more chance to take the medications tonight or starting tonight they will give me injections. they also said if i didnt start eating and drinking they were going to put me on a drip. i am so scared i couldnt eat all the dinner they wanted me too and i am so so so scared about having to take the meds tonight but i dont want the injections i dont know what to do i want to run away and try and escape i feel like that is my only option left i cant stay here it isnt safe i couldnt even speak to the doctor i was so scared he just kept saying loudly "do you understand" i felt really uncomfortable and i just wanted it to all be over. i want to go home i dont feel unwell i just feel scared.