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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

I'm with @Lost_Space_Explorer5 on the meds, fluids and food situation!! We just want you to be safe 💙

 

I didn't even think of them upping the dose.. maybe you should tell them? Either try taking it or let them know? Cause if they up the dose and end up taking it that may not end well. The side effects will probably be more extreme than usual and I know how much you hate the side effects! It's totally your choice what you do, we're just all pretty concerned about you and are just hoping you'll do the right things to keep yourself alive and safe okay? Please 💙

 

Now.. how did it go with your friend today?! That's amazing she came in to visit - I hope it went well and she was able to lighten the place up a bit for you! 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Andrea-RO  yeah i meant the meds 

@Lost_Space_Explorer5 @MB95  the visit from the friend was really good she brought 2 big bottles of water which is great so now i can drink and it was nice to see her. 

 

i hid my meds again tonight and then flushed them i just got scared and my nurse didnt even check that i had taken them. i am scared they will up the dose and i will get caught not taking them but it is too late now and i dont know what else to do if i tell them what i have done they will give me injections and i cant deal with that. i am really scared and i just want to get out of here i am hoping i can get out tomorrow but i dont know if i can or not but i have to before they realise i am not taking the meds or i am screwed. 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Your friend sounds amazing @Eden1717 - very supportive and sweet! I'm so glad you finally have some water you can drink. Do you think she'll visit again soon? That's if you don't get out tomorrow? 

 

I'm starting to get really worried about you with these meds.. I understand why you're scared, i just really don't think hiding it is the safest way to go about it. Would you feel comfortable maybe telling your mum or your friend and getting them to tell one of the nurses? They could explain what happened and how you were willing to try them but then felt pressured and weren't given enough time? Idk. Maybe if your mum or friend sat with you and the nurse while you took it? That way they can step in and stand up for you if they are trying to rush you or making you feel unsafe? 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@MB95  i am not sure when she will visit again, i dont think i could tell my mum and my friend is busy. like i was trying again tonight a thought about taking it but the nurse rushed it again and started going on and on about how busy they were and how if i didnt take it i would get an injection and i panicked again and just hid them. and i was going to tell the psychologist about it but they never came to talk to me so now i cant do that and now it is too late i have done it twice so now there is no way they wont just give me injections and i cant have that so i have to keep hiding the meds until i can either escape or convince them to let me out. 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hmm.. okay. Please don't try and escape cause that will only make things worse for you. I know it sucks being there, I do understand that but I think it might be safer to just hang in there and try to ride it out? Do you think the psychologist might visit tomorrow? Or are you able to request them to visit? 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@MB95  the psychologist here only works tuesdays so i missed them. i just dont have much other options but to escape like i have to get out of here it isnt safe. 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

I'm really sorry you're feeling so unsafe @Eden1717. Do you think you're going to be okay tonight? You're not planning anything silly are you? I'm going to head to bed shortly but am happy to sit up with you if you want to chat? I'm pretty worried about you. 

 

How would you feel about giving your psychologist or psychiatrist a call tomorrow? Just to talk with someone familiar who knows you better than the nurses and doctors? They may be able to help somehow? 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

I'm going to try head to bed now so I'm sorry if I don't reply @Eden1717. But I hope you're okay and able to keep yourself safe for the night. Please don't go doing anything silly okay? It's only going to make things worse for you. Maybe try get a good nights rest and see how you're doing tomorrow. If you can, I'd suggest calling either of your supports - whichever you find easiest to talk to and maybe have a bit of a chat with them? Or remember the hotlines are always there too! I think you mentioned having a bit of luck on KHL a little while ago? I know it doesn't always go well for you, but it could be worth a try just chatting through some of this with someone on there if you can't connect with your supports? And of course you have us! Please stay safe and drink up all that water your friend bought you! 💙

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@MB95  sorry for disappearing before i had a panic attack and then fell asleep for half an hour then woke up really scared and agitated now i just had a shower and am going to try and sleep soon but i am soo scared about tomorrow things keep playing through in my mind and i am so so so scared i need to get out of here. I will update you all tomorrow unless i am a fugitive on the run or have been moved to high dependency.  

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hey @Eden1717 so sorry you had a panic attack last night, did you manage to get to sleep again?

Things seem to have been super full on for you in hospital and we want to make sure you're as ok as possible. We sent you an email with some info around advocacy for what you're going through and trying to get the best possible treatment. Are there any members of staff at the hospital you feel comfortable talking to about how you're feeling?

I also just wanted to mention that some of the content in these posts sit in a bit of a gray area in terms of our guidelines around talking about medication and restrictive eating/drinking. I haven't removed anything but wanted to put in a reminder about being mindful of the impact on readers of the forum, its great to have honest discussions about treatment we just want to ensure anyone reading who might be going through the something similar isn't dissuaded from getting support.

Your wellbeing is a huge priority for us @Eden1717, please keep us updated with how you're going.