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Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

It sounds as though you had a pretty positive experience with the doctor today @Eden1717 which is awesome! Was he a GP or Psychiatrist? I think it's incredible he listened and you felt you were able to talk tl him. That in itself is HUGE. Nothing is better than having someone just listen and hear you out and try to understand so I am EXTREMELY happy you were able to experience that!! I also like that he spoke to your mum while you were present, I bet that made you feel more included and in control? It's how it should have been from the start as this is your journey not hers! He sounds like a really decent doctor which is awesome! Do you know when he is planning to speak with your paychiatrist and psychologist? Sounds like he is really doing his job properly and cares about helping you to get back on track. Do you feel that way too? Like someone has finally listened? 

 

I think it's a great idea you take a few days break from thinking about uni for now. It's not going anywhere and will be there when you have the headspace to think about it. I also think it's a really good thing you were able to talk to your psych about uni - do you think next time you see her you'll be able to chat through some ways of how to talk with your parents about it? Just obviously making sure it's the right time for you. No point in bringing that up atm cause I think the most important thing is to get yourself back to some normality. Which is where I maybe think it could be worth mentioning to your doctor how you're feeling about the meds? Like maybe mention to him that as much as you don't want to be on them or have that treatment order, at the moment it's the only reason you're taking them? I think honesty is the best thing atm and as much as it sucks it might be worth the order sticking round for a month or two to let the meds really do their work? Idk. I can't really put it into words very well but sometimes with my meds and treatment it's like I know I'm self sabotaging by not taking them or not doing what I need too but then when I have someone looking over my shoulder or holding me accountable I do it. Like I know I shouldn't need it but I do? Idk if I'm explaining myself very well here sorry.. I just think it may be worth mentioning to your doctor. Or even to your mum and seeing if she can let him know if you don't feel comfortable? Cause as much as I know you hate meds I also know you want to stop feeling this way and if I'm being completely honest that message has just made my week because it sounds like things are finally changing for you and I'd hate for anything to screw with that? Idk if I'm making sense sorry. I have exam brain atm. But I'm just so happy today was a positive experience for you. Obviously there's still a long way to go, but this is a step in the right direction and I couldn't be happier for you! 💙

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@MB95  He listened more than some of the other doctors and he is a psychiatrist. Idk what I think of him yet though we will see but I don’t hate him so that is good I guess. I don’t know when he will speak to them I guess some time between now and when he sees me again. I will see what else I also need to talk to the psychologist about and hopefully uni stuff will make the list. I know everyone thinks I should stay on the meds and I am really really trying to keep taking them I am but it is just really hard and I am scared to take them and the whole thing is just really difficult. Like I don’t know how to explain it properly I just know that is is super difficult to take them. 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

I'm glad your appointment with the psychiatrist went okay @Eden1717 Smiley Happy Sorry you're still having a hard time telling your parents about uni and taking the medication. Do you know what might be helpful for you right now?

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Lost_Space_Explorer5  I dont know exactly I am trying to just keep calm and distract myself but for some reason tonight the meds issue is really bothering me like i just feel like maybe I dont need them and not just that but i still think there is a device in me and that the meds are just to make that work better and i just feel really agitated tonight like i am really antsy and jittery and i cant settle and i want to scream like i just feel really on edge but i dont know why i am sorry if i am coming off as being upset with anyone on here because i am not i just feel very unsettled and i guess that may be coming out. 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

You're not coming across as being upset with anyone so don't worry about that @Eden1717. Feeling so on edge is never a pleasant feeling so I'm sure everyone will understand. I'm sorry you're still having trouble taking the meds. I also don't enjoy being on mine and find it hard taking them sometimes but am able to ignore the thoughts that pop into my head about people trying to use them to control me. Whereas for you they sound so much stronger and harder to ignore for you and I just wish there was something we could say or do to help quieten that voice for you because it's not nice and can feel so scary. Idk, would talking back to that thought and trying to argue with it help at all? I really don't know sorry. Are there any thoughts you have around the idea of the meds being a tool that are there to help you? Or are they completely associated with scary thoughts? 

 

I'm glad you don't hate him @Eden1717 and really do hope that he is the right one and going to be able to help out the way you need him too! 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@MB95  I do try and “talk back” to the thoughts and stuff like I will say no I trust my private psychiatrist and my psychologist and they both say that the meds are necessary and that they will help me but then I just end up getting scared that I shouldn’t trust them and that maybe they are part of the group of people/not people that are trying to hurt me and then things just get even messier. Like I am trying really hard and I don’t want to end up on the injection ones but I am scared that I won’t be able to make myself take it like I don’t know what to do it is so hard and I don’t even know why like I just I want to run away and hide everything is just too much. And as for the dr idk I just hope he doesn’t make anything worse. 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Hey @Eden1717 this is so tough, its awful that things with your medication are so tricky, I really feel for you. I hope the doctor doesn't make anything worse either, you really deserve a break Heart you said you were feeling really unsettled last night, did you manage to feel a bit more calm? I also noticed this latest post from you is pretty early, were you able to get a bit of sleep? 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Hannah-RO  I got a little bit of sleep but I don’t feel any more settled. 

 

I am feeling really bad today and I don’t know why I just feel really off and like I am about to start crying. I want to scream I can’t even explain it properly I just don’t feel ok. 

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

Thats sounds so horrible @Eden1717, I'm sorry you're feeling so low at the moment. How can we best support you today? We're here if you want to chat or vent or talk through things Heart

Re: Picking up the pieces and trying to move forward

@Hannah-RO  idk I am still stressed about the whole meds thing like I really don’t know what to do about it all. I just want to cry like I can’t deal with all of this and everything is just really overwhelming today and I am really really struggling to take care of myself and I don’t know what to do because I want to live independently but I am struggling to do so and I don’t know how I managed before and I just everything is too much and I can’t I don’t feel right nothing feels right and I am so tired but I have so much to do and I can’t I don’t know what to do anymore. I want to scream.