Pls help
Hi everyone! I’m new here and I really need help. After a lot of googling over the past month I think I’ve figured out that I possibly have a form of OCD. I have multiple medical issues but a lot of those symptoms could also be OCD traits.
I am going to explain what it happening and if you have experienced or know anyone who has experienced these please help with ASAP.
things are ‘wrong’ like my phone case, the way my room is arranged and now our house is wrong as well. I do not have rituals I have to do or do things a specific amount of times and I do not worry more than the average person about germs. I feel like these things that are ‘wrong’ are attacking me. I think I am ruining my family because I can’t live here. It is exhausting and I feel so guilty for everything even though I can’t help it (but my brain tells me that I’m like faking it or something even though I’m clearly not?’
It’s eating away at me on the inside and (i am being honest here) I resulted to self harming when it got too much. I do not do that anymore because it made me ‘wrong’ so I now use a hair tie on my wrist to hurt myself to distract me.
i am still meant to be at school but I couldn’t continue with my other issues so I do TAFE online. I don’t have a job and I have one friend. My life feels so bad even though there is people going through much worse.
even if you don’t have advice i really need people to talk to. Sorry
Comments
Hey @Pearlallmighty welcome to the forums! This stuff can be hard to talk about so it's amazing you've reached out on here ❤️ I do have OCD but it can come in many many forms. I'm curious as to what thoughts are behind thinking things are 'wrong'? Could you explain this a bit more? (only if you're comfortable doing so!)
Ah yes our brains love to tell us we're faking stuff just to mess with us 🙃 You're not alone in this experience. I'm sorry you're feeling so guilty and feel you can't live with your family that sounds awful 😞 It makes sense that you resulted to SH with so much going on 😞
That's pretty cool you're doing TAFE online- what are you studying? 🙂 I'm glad you have a friend- are they someone you can talk to?
Hm it can be pretty unhelpful when we compare our situations to others who have it 'worse'. That doesn't make your suffering any less valid.
I'm not sure I have any advice- what kind of advice were you looking for? Like managing feelings, accessing supports, something else?
No need to apologise, that's what we're here for- happy to listen and talk ❤️
Thank you so much for replying!
I'm not sure how to explain it exactly but I'll use my room as an example. I can think it's 'wrong' even though there is absolutely nothing 'wrong' with it. But there is to me and it feels like it's squashing me and I feel like im going to die from that feeling so I have to 'fix' it. I rearrange furniture, I rearrange my books or if that doesn't work then I switch to the spare bedroom in the house. But nothing works and I get so so distressed that I can barely function if I can't get it to 'feel right'.
like my brain randomly would just be like 'nope your room is so wrong you have to get it right'.
For TAFE I'm just doing the cert 2 and 3 in general education, so basically the TAFE equivalent of the year I am in at school.
I'm not sure what advice to be honest. I just needed there to be someone that could somewhat relate me I suppose.
I just feel so so alone to deal with this. My parents are great and understand completely but I still feel alone.
I'm basically having an anxiety attack every hour or so and I can't function properly, I feel so attacked by my surroundings.
thanks for being here for me 🙂
Hey @Pearlallmighty that sounds really distressing 😞 Is it like your room feels like not real? Or more like stuff is just 'wrong' in general and something bad will happen if you don't fix it?
Ooh the TAFE course sounds so cool 🙂 Is it mostly online with covid and everything or in person?
Sometimes we can feel alone even when we're surrounded by people 😞 Maybe it's because your parents don't feel the same things as you even though they're supportive so you feel alone in dealing with it? Or is it something else?
That sounds really horrible having so many anxiety attacks 😞 Hm something that has worked for me with ocd thoughts is defusing from the thoughts. Have you heard of this before? If you're interested I could link some stuff?
Hi @Pearlallmighty, welcome to the forums! We are really glad that you reached out.
I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling at the moment and that things don't feel 'quite right' at home. I personally have OCD and I can definitely relate to your feelings of guilt and exhaustion - it can be very tiring when your mind is trying to play tricks on you. Have you ever spoken to a counsellor or a psychologist about these feelings that you think could be OCD?
I'm sorry to hear that you've struggled with self-harm in the past, but I'm also glad to hear that you've found other ways to manage those feelings. Does using the hair-tie help?
I'm sorry to hear that life feels bad for you right now @Pearlallmighty, please know that we are here to support you and listen when things are feeling difficult ❤️
Thank you so much for replying. I haven’t spoken to anyone like that however I am going to start seeing a psychiatrist soon but that could take months due to waiting lists.
the hair tie helps. It helps distract me when I get too overwhelmed because it hurts me and I guess it makes the pain physical which my brain can make sense of.
thank you for being a support 🙂
Hi @Pearlallmighty, I'm glad to hear that you're going to see a psychiatrist soon, talking to a professional really helped me get on top of those feelings that I had to 'fix' something to feel okay. But yes the waiting time can often be really long, which sucks. In the meantime, if you feel like having a look, here's an article on how to deal with OCD.
I totally get what you mean about the hair-tie. I find that holding ice cubes has a similar effect for me - it's like the intense cold shocks my brain out of feeling overwhelmed for a little while. What other things do you do to look after yourself when you're feeling overwhelmed?
Thinking of you today @Pearlallmighty. It can be a tough journey sometimes, so remember to be kind to yourself right now ❤️
