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Re: Poetry, I don't know if this is what you call it but yeah.

i've been feeling worse lately and I just think i should share something of mine

our perfect was unorthodox
we'd care each other over the hills until the sun falls
love is no mirror of light
love falls like all
whether by death or abandonment love always falls
the kiss you blemished handcuffed me
saying that the song reminds you of me,
made no picturesque art
it only meant the drop would be harder
the innocence through the moonlight did change my plead for mercy,
the plead wasn't enough
the fall punched holes in my veins once again
all that is lingering is that unorthodox night
with no delight.

Re: Poetry, I don't know if this is what you call it but yeah.

That one hit me right in the feels @Josh99.

Re: Poetry, I don't know if this is what you call it but yeah.

i needed to write it but still when i write about it, it never helps like it used to. i feel like i've just been dead with negative emotions not one good one

Re: Poetry, I don't know if this is what you call it but yeah.

Hey @Josh99 you've put up some really nice poetry here, they feel like they'd be great in a song too Smiley Happy

 

You mentioned writing isn't helping you now the way it used to and that you're feeling sad emotions, how long have you been feeling this way now? 

Re: Poetry, I don't know if this is what you call it but yeah.

hey @Mona-RO well it's like a really long story, i feel like i should explain it ive been sad for a long time now since i was 8 my parents were abusive so i went to my uncles house to stay and he was a junky on heroin and he used to stick needles in his arms when i was there every afternoon and i saw that he got happier from it. i moved back with my parents when i was 13 and they didn't change their ways ( FYI they were catholic folk) so i started writing to get over it and then when i was 15 i started injecting heroin, i was hooked for so long and i wrote on my highs and lows. i decided to sober up from heroin this month after my breakups, i've been to a juvenile rehab area because my ex teacher from school took me there because i asked for help i'm 17 by the way. i've been sobering up and the way i used to write to make me feel better didn't help me anymore it just made me think more about it and get even sadder. i feel like it's a dead end no matter where i go and i'm not "better off than dead"( that's the saying i use when people asked why did heroin, thanks lou reed) but basically i've been still labeled by the doctors as extremely severe depressed and i can't get rid of the thought by writing. it's eitther the writing is bad or something dunno i don't get any satisfaction from the way write

Re: Poetry, I don't know if this is what you call it but yeah.

Hey @Josh99 thanks so much for sharing with us and please, talk more about it if you want and if that helps you. You've been through really, really difficult things, of course it's natural that you're feeling sad. I am so sorry for your pain by the way, it's heart breaking. I am so impressed and in awe really, that you had the courage and awareness to ask your ex-teacher for help. That's huge. Obviously you want to thrive and move through the hardship that has been your share in life. I am really, really glad you are sobering up. I can only imagine how challenging that must be. Do you have any support to help you through that?

 

It makes total sense to me that you'd be feeling depressed. You seem like a very aware, creative and sensitive person from your poetry, using writing as an outlet and asking for help when you needed it. I urge you to continue writing, there will definitely be times when it will seem like it's not helping as much as it used to but it's a great habit to have and there will come more days when you'll feel a release from writing. 

 

Other than writing, do you have ways to express yourself ? I'd like to know what kind of supports you have currently. Are you seeing a counsellor? 

 

We at RO are here for you and would love to support you through this.

Re: Poetry, I don't know if this is what you call it but yeah.

thank you Mona, i've been seeking help my parents don't care so i can't get help from them but i have met this girl who is literally jesus' daughter and she helps me stay positive,i'm like lucifiers son so it's a terrible matchup. my friends help but I hate sharing it with them. i'm seeing drug and alcohol councelleor at rehab and she helps a lot. i express my self in a lot of what i listen to and read like i listen to alot
of jim morrison (the doors), the velvet underground, lou reeds solo career, the last shadow puppets, arctic monkeys humbug album. also i read alot of edgar allen poe and shakespeare.

Re: Poetry, I don't know if this is what you call it but yeah.

hey i need some help,
i just feel depressed when i should be the happiest like at parties i should be happy but i just start to feel depressed like i feel like whats the point of being alive and what's the point of being happy when i try so hard to be but it never happens unless i stick a needle into my arm and cry when i'm high, it just feels like i should jesus' son when i'm at the situations that a person should be happy. like even to happy music surrounded by happy people it's hard to be happy even when i drink like a sailor but it never happens i never can be happy. i'm afraid to ask people for help because they might think that i'm just searching for attention. i'm at a party now and i just want to be alone and listening to be my music and be depressed alone.

Re: Poetry, I don't know if this is what you call it but yeah.

Hey @Josh99 glad you're reaching out here. I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling this way, it must feel even worse being at a party. I think people in general put a lot of emphasis and pressure on 'being happy' and it's understandable because obviously everyone wants to feel happy as much as possible. Unfortunately it's not always achievable for many reasons (for example depression, having been through hard times, stress about schoo/relationships/work or in a current situation that's not good). 

 

One of the hardest things I've had to learn in my own life is coming to terms with what I'm feeling any given moment. I find that the sooner I can accept that I'm feeling (for example, sad) the easeier it gets for me to process that emotion over time. Similarly, the more I've questioned/fought/argued why I'm feeling upset when I 'should' be happy, the sadness only got worse. Am I making sense here? It's totally okay for you to feel sad even if you are at a party though it might feel quite uncomfortable. Is there any way you can take 5 or 10 minutes for yourself while you're there and breathe through this? I don't know if you've tried the Smiling Mind app but it's really great. If that's not your thing that's okay, you can still try and get some quiet space for yourself. 

 

It's definitely not easy to ask people for help when you're not used to it. But by practising it over time in manageable steps and continuing to reach out here, you can become more comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings with select people.

 

I also wanted to ask if you are on any medication? When's the next time you're seeing your counsellor at rehab? 

Re: Poetry, I don't know if this is what you call it but yeah.

@Mona-RO when i was at the party it was just not good, but when i was sitting down typing this message a girl came down and we sat and smoked and talked to each other then pity sex afterwards which is the worst type
of sex if you ask me. i'm not on medication because my ex didn't want me on any and i agreed that i didn't want any, but now she's my ex so that turnt out bad hey. i try to cry but i can't it's just impossible for me. i'm afraid to love again because it's turns out bad for the past 5 times i hate it i run from beatles songs because i know it would want to make
me
love again. the way i see it is that they would make life better without me. im like a poison that they can't cure so they leave me as a memory or not even that. i feel like i'm near death but i have that one finger holding onto life, everyday i think about removing that one finger and then just ending it.