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Re: right now I am....

Right Now I Am trying to figure out how to come out to my homophobic family

Re: right now I am....

Hey @TheMusicalBookworm that's a really cool username. 


Coming out, or inviting in (as our friends at Twenty10 like to say) sure can be hard, especially when there's Homophobia. I'm so sorry to hear that this is something you have to worry about with your family Smiley Sad


What are your thoughts so far on how to invite them in, and what's influenced your decision that it's time to share this about yourself with them? 


Re: right now I am....

I was influenced by the fact that I have some friends that are out as bisexual and it went really well for them. They are so happy and comfortable in themselves, and I want that, you know? I don't even think my family even realize they're being intolerant of the lgbtqia+ community, but they make homophobic jokes and start rants with "I'm not homophobic, but" usually following with "gays shouldn't get married" or "do they really have to force it on the public?". I've thought about just sitting them down and telling them, but I really don't think that would go well with them. When my family talks as a group, there are always arguments, shouting and general calamity. Maybe I should tell them one at a time or in smaller groups with ways that would make both of us feel comfortable? But then I think others will feel excluded if they find out I didn't tell them first. You see my dilemma.

Re: right now I am....



Hey! I hope you're doing well. Can I just quickly say, even though I dont know you, I'm so proud of you for making this decision Smiley Happy 


I'm not of the LGBT+ community, but I struggled with a similar dilemma of opening up to my parents with something against their views. I changed religions to one that they "hated". If you want, Im happy to share my experience. 


Is there someone in your family that is the most important to you? Perhaps consider writing a letter to them, and be there when they read it? 


When you say that your family doesn't recognise they're intolerant of the LGBT community, could this be because of the lack of exposure they've had with "actual" people and not just what has been put in the news etc? I know this is what happened with my parents and as they learnt more, they changed how they thought/behaved as well a little. 



Re: right now I am....

Hello @TheMusicalBookworm,


I think you should talk to your immediate family first, as in the ones you live with. Since this is something quite personal, i do not think the rest have a right to say you have to tell them first when they don't live with you or see you everyday. I suggest you drop hints and see the extent of their views and see if you can soften them and make them more receptive. Sit them down when they are not tired and in a relaxed or happy mood and start with questions like "you'll love me no matter what right?" and proceed from there.   


Try talking to the least strong view in your family to get them on your side to help you explain to the rest.  I am sure they love you and that they would want you to be happy so they will try to accept it. Convince them slowly and give them time to adjust. 


Before then, you could ask anyone you know how they approached it, how their family responded and just any helpful advice from past experiences. 


Although if worst comes to worst, you might have to talk to outside help services for accommodation and cost of living in the case they decide that they could not accept it for whatever reason.  


You are being very brave @TheMusicalBookworm and i am so proud of you! Good luck and you can do it! 


Winter Rain. 

Re: right now I am....

Hi @TheMusicalBookworm
It's really good that you are thinking about yourself and what would make you happy.
Good luck with coming out, my thoughts will be with you Smiley Happy
I like @Winter_Rain 's suggestion of maybe speaking with your immediate family first and speak to the one with the least strong view.

Re: right now I am....

Hi @TheMusicalBookworm, how are you feeling today?


This sounds like a really courageous step to take and we are all behind you Smiley Happy

I understand how it can feel a bit exclusive if you don't tell them altogether, and it's amazing how despite your own dilemma, you're still thinking of how best to have your family comfortable.

But I do agree with @Winter_Rain as well, in that if your family has views that are different to yours, it might be best to slowly tell the people you trust the most and who would be most open to the idea. That way, you'll have some family to support you and give you strength in telling everyone else.