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Ready to give up

This feels ridiculous as I type it, but I'm just not sure what to do.

I know I should have gone for help earlier, but I can't come to terms with accepting help.

I know that I am too hard on myself, but I don't understand how to change that. I try being aware of when I do this and telling myself it's not true, but deep down I only believe the negatives. How do I get help when I feel like it won't help?

Are there others who have felt like they knew what would logically make things better, but those logical steps don't work? What else can I do? I'm so exhausted from dealing with so much and not seeming to change anything, I feel ready to give up.

Re: Ready to give up

Hey @Spe1092 -- welcome to RO. I am really sorry you're feeling that way, it doesn't sound like you're feeling 100% great about yourself. What specifically is troubling you right now?

I just want to say it sounds like you've come a long way. I think it is pretty common to take a long time to accept seeking help, in fact it is so difficult for some people to do it they never do. So you should be proud of yourself for doing so.

When I'm feeling down, or anxious or irritable, I can be so illogical, which for me is part of feeling unwell. And when I am feeling my worst, that is when I really don't want to seek help. However, when I have really dragged myself along to see my therapist or in the first instance a GP it has helped, even a little bit, and then I was able to gradually improve. I am so glad I got help even if I didn't think I needed it.

Basically, you're not alone in feeling conflicted about seeking help. I absolutely feel for you and please don't give up -- keep fighting, and we are here to support you when you seek help.

Have you sought help in another way apart from ReachOut.com?

Re: Ready to give up

Hey @Spe1092, thanks for your post. You've found your way to the Australian ReachOut site and while we're happy to support you I'm worried we won't be able to put you in touch with the best resources for your situation.

 

Although it may not seem like it, you have started seeking help by talking to us here but it is up to you to keep going. You said you know you 'should have gone for help earlier'. It's great you are aware of what is not right for you. Have you spoken to a GP about how you're feeling?

 

While we might not be able to help with the right services, there are some great fact sheets that can help. You might get something out of the article on challenging negative thinking.

 

Keep going, there are always other strategies and other paths to get help.

Re: Ready to give up

Hey @Spe1092, welcome to the forums!

 

First off, I just want to say that it's great that you came on here today. Sometimes taking that first step can be quite hard. The RO forums are a great, supportive environment, and we are here to listen to you.

 

You mentioned that you recognise and challenge negative thoughts when they come up, which is great! This page might have some useful strategies that you could try when you have those thoughts again? Like any skill or thing that we're learning, sometimes this takes heaps of practice! Some days, challenging these thoughts may feel easier than other days, but persistence over time is super important.

 

Perhaps you could tell us a little bit more about what is going on for you right now. Has something in particular happened to cause you to feel this way?

 

It sounds like you have been thinking about seeking help for a little while. I'm wondering whether you have any thoughts about the type of help that you could seek, or any services that you could contact?

Re: Ready to give up

Hey @Spe1092 -- how are you doing? We are here for you if you need it.

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Re: Ready to give up

hey @Spe1092

 

Our minds are super complex and super tricky. I personally think they should teach healthy ways of thinking in school. Hopefully something that will happen in the future!

 

For lots of problems we solve externally, we often 'think' our way through it.  It wouldnt be very effective trying to 'feel your way through a maths problem at school. And things we can't do we often end up avoiding ( e.g. I dropped out of maths after year 10)

 

However, these same strategies that are useful for solving problems out side of us, aren't necessarily always helpful emotionally.

 

 

Over thinking, or getting into negative spirals generally isn't helpful. One technique people use to break this pattern is to focus briefly on their breath, which usually stops or reduces the flow of thoughts.

 

 it's awesome that you challenging your negative thoughts.

 

Another strategy to combine with this is to try to step back a little and not to cling on to these thoughts.  A cool quote that I have held onto is "you are not your thoughts". Try being aware that you are 'having a thought' rather than you are 'your thoughts'. In yoga they often think of thoughts as 'clouds passing by'.

 

 

Have there been any times in the past where you have felt like support might help you? 

 

 

 

Re: Ready to give up

Hey there @Spe1092!

Welcome to the RO forums! Firstly I would like to touch a little on what some of the others have already said. Did you know, just coming to RO and typing this post is seeking help and is a great big step in the right direction? (Even if it doesn't feel like it). So considering how hard that must of been, give yourself a big pat on the back! ☺

Negative thinking is kind of like a flow on effect, a cycle of sorts. And it's really helpful to break that cycle, even if it's temporarily. As @Troy suggested stopping and taking time to focus on your breathe is a strategy that can be really helpful. So is an excerise called 'leaves on a stream' - similar to viewing thoughts as clouds passing by. Basically whenever you notice a thought (or it can even be an emotion or sensation) focus on it for a minute and imagine placing that thought on a leaf. Then, picture putting that same leaf in a stream of water and watch it for a minute as it floats down the stream and out of your sight. When it's gone, give yourself permission to let the thought go or flow away just as it floated slowly away on the leaf in the stream. It sounds simple in theory but it can actually be a hard visualisation for people. However it's something that actually, believe it or not tends to work for a lot of these people after doing it several times. Is that an idea you think you could maybe have a shot at?

I can relate to the conflicted feelings over seeking and actually receiving help. At my worst 'logical' wasn't logical anymore. I was lost in a world that was full of little to no reason. But eventually I did get help and that help and support started on a internet forum too! I think finding the right sources of help were important too. Because even when I felt ready to give up, looking back those supports were actually really helpful, even if it didn't feel that way in the moment. I think that's because as it accumulated, the more I was able to challenge and most importantly process the thought patterns I was experiencing. Instead of getting all jumbled up and tangled in the thoughts, I could sit back and think on the other hand, 'thoughts are merely thoughts' and the 'thoughts about not being able to ask for help are just that. Thoughts. Not reality'.

Keep talking here if you feel comfortable and remember you've made a gaint leap in posting. We'd all like to know how you're going and help where we can because a) you've asked for it and b) regardless of those thoughts you are worth and very much deserving of help ☺