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Really struggling to 'Deal' with everything...!

This is maybe a vent post, but I really do feel overwhelmed and have no clue what to do.

 

I'm a year 11,full time student with a lot of issues at home. I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for years, and since last year, it's been steadily worsening. 

 

I feel lost.

I feel horrible at school, and horrible at home. Theres little time away from either. Lately I've been really sick, physically- vomiting, sore throat, etc, and my mum keeps mocking me for it and making me feel even worse.

In June, I was referred by my psychiatrist to a day program, but lots of stuff got mixed up, and I've only been put on the back of the substantial waiting list now.

 

I keep sinking into pits of despair, and the smallest things make me cry, and I might just lie on the floor and not feel able to get up. I just feel like I'm about to hit a breaking point.

I can't talk to my parents about it- maybe my dad, but he doesnt get it, and mum would find out id been talking to him 'behind her back' anyway. I have older sisters, but ones stressed with VCE and the other, who I don't live with, is busy with work and I feel like I've been bothering her. I don't have close enough friends to talk to- my only close friend doesn't handle these things well. My mum seems to think I'm doing this on purpose, coordinating my feelings to when she's most stressed. But shes always stressed, anyway.

 

I just...can'tdo schoolwork, or even watch TV. I'm distressed for hours on end, and there's nothing to satiate it. My eatings terrible, I don't get anything out of sleep,no matter how long I sleep.

 

I just don't know what to do. I'm scared I might end up really hurting my self.

Re: Really struggling to 'Deal' with everything...!

Hey @holoholo it's good that you reached out for help before you hit breaking point or harmed yourself. The vomiting sounds pretty scary, have you been to a GP just to check you don't have a nasty bug or a severe reaction to some medication or something? I'm sorry to hear your mum hasn't been the greatest support. It can be pretty tough for people to understand struggles with mental health if they haven't experienced it themselves. For your sake though, I hope she can find some empathy and realise you don't do this to make her feel bad and you'd "just stop" if you could! I think it's worth reaching out to your sisters though. We all have some form of stress in our lives but that doesn't mean we can't make time to support the people we love when they are struggling.

 

What sort of coping strategies do you use when you feel like you can't get out of those pits? We have a few on the main site, and of course we're compiling our super awesome list of 1000001 Coping Strategies on the forum!

Re: Really struggling to 'Deal' with everything...!

Hey @holoholo, I'm so sorry to hear things are so tough for you at the moment. Reaching out and talking about how you're feeling is a good first step towards getting help. 

 

Feeling like you have no one to discuss your feelings with can make things seem even harder. Even though your sister doesn't live with you and is busy with work, do you think if you explained to her just how bad you've been feeling that she'll make the time to sit down and talk?

 

The coping strategies @ElleBelle mentioned can really help and I also recommend checking them out. If you do feel like things are getting to be too overwhelming and start having thoughts of self harming, Lifeline is a 24/7 service who are there to listen and help you out. They also have an online web chat if you'd rather not call.

Re: Really struggling to 'Deal' with everything...!

My mum said she'll take me to the GP next week but she's not overly reliable so :/

It's a bit hard for me to reach to my sister because she's a decade older and often on night shifts so we don't really keep the same hours...I just feel whiny and annoying. My other sister always calls me clingy so I guess that doesn't help.

Ummm, for coping...I guess I try to distract myself with watching shows, drawing, reading, or cuddling my cat. I will check out the link though, it looks helpful.

I always don't feel like I deserve to talk to those services...I feel like I'm wasting their time.
I don't often actually hurt myself, I just think about it so much...it's frustrating. I'm always in conflict.

Re: Really struggling to 'Deal' with everything...!

The coping strategies you listed sound like some really effective ones. Especially cuddling your cat!Smiley Happy

 

Services like Lifeline are there to help people who are having a tough time and need some help. That doesn't mean you have to be at a point where you are hurting yourself to contact them. They are there to listen and if you did contact them you wouldn't be wasting their time at all! eheadspace is another really helpful service you might feel more comfortable with checking out.

 

Please keep us posted on how the appointment with your GP goes, and if your mum isn't able to take you, are you able to find another way to get there? Maybe a lift off your dad?

Re: Really struggling to 'Deal' with everything...!

Hoping you feel better soon.

I go out and take a walk and listen to music when I reach my breaking point. I try to clear my mind and think about other things instead of my troubles. If theres too much to deal with then on my walk I would try and figure out what are the top 3 things I can do. Those things that cant be helped I just reason with myself that its out of my hands.

 

Feel better soon.

Re: Really struggling to 'Deal' with everything...!

@moonwalkSure, I'll keep updated on the GP...I think it's from a disastarous combo of being mentally AND physically exhausted Smiley Sad I'm glad at least my cat sleeps right next to my head, so cuddles are never outta reach.

 

@standinside Unfortunately, evenings tend to be the toughest time for me, so it can be tricky taking a walk then. Plus it's sooo cooooold!! Thank you for the well wishes.

 

A lot of the issues I'm dealing with, ARE unfortunately out of my hands....it's very awful being completely stuck, until I'm able to move out of the house, basically. There's not much I can really do but grasp at straws and just try to stick it out for the next 18 months...

Re: Really struggling to 'Deal' with everything...!

We'll be here for support any time you need it too, @holoholo, so you're not alone! Glad to hear your cat is always close by!

 

If at any time you feel like things are getting worse and you need some extra help, you can always contact eheadspace or lifeline.

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Re: Really struggling to 'Deal' with everything...!

Hey @holoholo

 

Sorry to hear how tough things have been for you but i'm really glad that you're hanging in there and reaching out for help. 

 

I'm also glad that you have a friendly cat (I only see mine when he wants food).Feel free to keep us updated on how you go with your GP, and feel free to contact any of the services like Lifeline or eheadspace if you ever feel overwhlemed 

Re: Really struggling to 'Deal' with everything...!

Well, things have gotten worse again. Doesn't look like I'll be going to the GP anytime soon.

I've had to take days off from school here and there because I feel unwell mentally and as a result physically, and today I'm taking a day off because I was interstate over the weekend and now I'm exhausted. I just wanted another couple hours of sleep but my sister got really angry, saying I was being selfish and manipulative. I pointed out that when she took a whole term off last year for the same reason, I was as supportive as I could be and never called her any of those things, she said that was different because she tried to kill herself.

Why can my depression only be valid if I'm actively suicidal? It's unfair. Different people react and experience depression differently, that doesn't mean I'm not hurting as much as she was. Now I feel like I should kill myself, just to prove that what I'm going through is valid. Just so they'll be sorry. I know that's a horrible way to feel but I just feel like I'm being ganged up on by everyone else in the family. You're meant to believe in your family, but they just have no faith in me.