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Re: Really struggling to 'Deal' with everything...!

Hey @holoholo, first of all, I think it's great that you took a day off. You saw what your body and your brain needed to keep well and you did it! Nailed it.

 

You are the boss of keeping yourself mentally healthy, you can become the expert on what you need to do to stay well and i'd say you're very aware and switched on about this already! Keep going! Only you can decide who you want to allow to help you to stay well. 

 

Unfortunately family are sometimes not as good as they could be in offering support. That can make things tricky and I can hear how frustrating and upsetting this has been for you Smiley Sad. When this happens, there are lots of other people out there who can help you and who can help your family understand too!

 

What your sister said to you was wrong, I agree that it was also unfair. You said that it made you feel like killing yourself. I have to check up on this because it's really important to me that I know you are OK and are going to keep being OK.

 

Has this thought gone beyond a feeling and into something that you are thinking about doing? If so, i need to know you are safe and are talking to Lifeline, your local hospital, these folk or someone else you trust to keep you safe. Please let me know you are safe or are talking to someone to help you be safe as soon as possible. 

 

From what I am reading, you are doing lots of things to stay well yourself and have lots of good skills for coping already. You reach out at Reachout which hopefully helps a bit too! But I think I see a gap (correct me if I'm wrong) and that's people who are near you and who can see you face to face and that you trust to help you. if you want to find more people like this, I can offer a few suggestions:

 

School counsellor:

A lot of schools will have a counsellor. Their job is not just to talk through problems with you, they can also help you to conect up with other people who can support you, some of these might be professionals, but you might also be able to meet people who have been through similar things and can show you how they got through.

 

School Social worker:

These are a bit rarer than counsellors, they're handy because they can take some of the pressure off organising things like going to a GP or speeding up visits to psychiatrists or psychologists (if that's something you feel like you need). 

 

Community mental health services:

Pretty much every city and a lot of towns in Australia have one of these, they are handy because they are full of people who you can see face to face and talk to on your level, there are social workers, counsellors, psychologists and case workers ( who help you reach goals). The best thing to do is just give them a call and start talking about where you're at. 

 

 

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Re: Really struggling to 'Deal' with everything...!

Hey @Ben-RO, thanks for taking the time to reply.

Ive been dealing with these feelings for years now, so I do have a couple strategies to try to keep the thought of really killing myself at bay- generally, I make lists of events to look forward to like concerts. So at least there's that. However, even though I don't really try to kill myself, I still get preoccupied with the thoughts of doing so. I am scared that one day having a couple of plans to look forward to WONT be enough to stop me, but for today I think I'll be okay.

As I'm writing this I'm actually on my way to a weekly appt with my psychologist, so at Least I have one person to see face to face about all this. Sometimes though I feel like that's not often enough- being able to freely talk for just one hour in a week- and other times, I find it really really difficult to recall events and how I feel, or I feel unable to express it which is where RO can be really helpful!

It's just so so frustrating having a family which feel like just because I'm trying really hard to get better with strategies and coping methods etc means I'm not 'really' sick, and it's not 'that bad'. They often see me taking days off from school as using medical certificates as an excuse to be lazy.
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Re: Really struggling to 'Deal' with everything...!

Hello again @holoholo,

I am glad to hear you are okay and thank you for letting us all know so quickly Smiley Happy

 

ReachOut is here for you 24/7. There will always be someone here and we will always do our best to reply- and pretty quickly too! However, what we can do here stops before the stuff a Psychologist can do to support  a person. I am glad to hear you have a psychologist that you are able to visit every week. That's really awesome. I wonder what else there is out there? 

 

What you and your Psychologist talk about is between you two and up to you two. With that being said, if you wanted to, it's okay to ask them to help you find more people to talk to and more ways to get support. Is that something you would be interested in having a go at? 

 

I like your list of things to look forward to. I am really glad that today - it helped you be okay. Also cat cuddles are the best and i am glad to hear you have a kitty in your life. I am wondering what else you have in your toolbox of things to cope that works for you? 

Re: Really struggling to 'Deal' with everything...!

I had a really good chat with my psychologist, and I'll be seeing her again tomorrow.

 

Today was pretty stressful again- moreso that so many little things kept going wrong, and there had been miscommunication between head of year/teachers in regards to my health and as a result, not always having work completed on time, etc.

 

I do also see a psychiatrist, but that's strictly speaking mostly for meds- I don't find talkingto him as helpful. However, he is retiring soon so I'll probably be switching over soon. In the long run, that'll maybe help- it's a chance to find someone a bit easier for me to talk to. In the meantime, it's a really scary prospect- I've seen this psychiatrist for 3 years, and it can be hard starting new, having to dig through old things all over again. 

 

In addition, I'mexpected to maybe be off the waiting list and ready for the day program in late ish september. Again, that's a mixed bag, but I think it'll be helpful to get more intensive support and get out of school for a bit- even if the programs just 3 days a week.

 

Well, I don't have a very full toolbox. Theres the reminders of things to look forward to + cuddles with the cat. Other than that, it's mostly resorted to 'waiting it out', sleeping, watching a show, or drawing.

Generally this means mulling in really horrible feelings for even a few hours.

My fear of my parents discovering me self harming overrides desire to do so- I used to, and they found out, and they didn't handle it wel- it's a painful memory. In addition, I'm already self concious enough of my body to be worrying about scarssso the most I'd do is _______________ to get the anger out. Unfortunately, talking to the limited selection of people (family, friends) often just makes things worse again, so not much of an option :/

 

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Re: Really struggling to 'Deal' with everything...!

@holoholo We're really liking talking to you.  You might not see it this way, but from the outside looking in at least- I think i see that you're building some powerful skills to get through tough times while staying safe and to find your own path to recovery. I think you're becoming an expert on what you need to stay safe, get help, recover and choose where you want to go in life. 

What sort of drawing do you do? There's a lot of Mindfulness stuff that you can do that involves drawing and mindful colouring in of things like this gigantic Kitty:

 image.jpg

Source: Irish times

 

Ever tried it? What did you think?  I was kind of amazed at how awesome some of the books are and also how good it was at just taking me away from my thoughts and into a different and much more chilled out space. Does it work for you do you think it might?

 

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Re: Really struggling to 'Deal' with everything...!

Also i had to edit your last post @holoholo because we thought maybe it went a bit too far outside the Guidelines I am sorry about that. I left a blank space where the bit was that i had to snip out, if you want to change it a bit then i encourage you!

 

For most people it would probably be totally okay to read something like that and i don't think you did anything particularly wrong!

 

Sharing is good and helps a lot of people it's just how we share that can get tricky at times. We have to be careful just in case someone's in a bad place. Sometimes little things become big triggers. 

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Re: Really struggling to 'Deal' with everything...!

Sorry about that, I was upset when writing the post so I wasn't being as careful as I should've.

 

I do think I'm finding a lot of ways to help myself, but some of these strategies- such as staying home on days where I'm certain I can't cope with school, don't alway go smoothly due to my parents lack of willingness to understand why im doing that. In that sense, its very frustrating. As time goes on, sometimes it feels like no matter how many strategies I have, it isn't enough, and I can't get better. That really sucks.

I guess I have a really weird mix of independence and dependence- I try to do things myself as much as I can, and isolate myself from my parents negative influence, but I feel very lost and stuck in life- I have no idea what to do with myself, other than scraping by bare minimum until university, where I might hopefully get outta my house.

 

I draw a lot of 'fanart'- realistic to more cartoonish stuff. Mostly people. I do a lot of random drawings as well, of original designs.

My mum bought me one of those colouring books. I haven't used it yet; I get too impatient with it. I'm not good at staying between the lines. I like drawing my own stuff too much I guess, haha.

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Re: Really struggling to 'Deal' with everything...!

@holoholo It's all goood! You are heaps switched on about this stuff, it's tricky to keep track of all the guidelines sometimes and it's okay to miss something, that's what I'm here for. Muahahaha. 

 

Sounds like you've got your own style and thing going on with creative stuff! That's quite awesome.

 

I'd love to see some of your art! (don't forget to hide any signatures etc!)

 

Would you consider making a board in Everyday life stuff

 

You could call it "things i create to stay well" or something better than what i could make up Smiley Tongue 

 

What do you think about mindfulness? Have you used it? What for? What worked? What didn't?