Hi @Itsnotimportant! Firstly I just want to say I am really glad and so proud of you for speaking about what happened. I understand it can feel so scary or we may feel embarrassed to speak about our own experiences but I think it actually is so brave and admirable of you to do so! I am sure it will also help encourage others who are just as scared! You can always trust us here and we are all here for you whenever you need to chat about anything at all! <3
I want to first emphasise that you are NEVER 'supposed' to like anything or feel a certain way. I understand how it may feel like we 'should' react certain ways to things and the media has definitely played a major role in that but I think we tend to forget that almost all the media exaggerates/distorts things. E.g. In movies generally schools have 3 stereotypes: nerds, jocks/cheerleaders and goths - but in reality this cannot be furthest from the truth as I'm sure you see yourself at school. There are soooo many more different types of people at school and most schools don't even have these cliques at all. Unfortunately, media in the past has focused on these things because it makes the movies more exciting when all we see is partying and sex. But in reality the people that engage in those sorts of behaviours are actually such a small proportion of people and that is just their own preferences on topics like sex etc. E.g. Some people might prefer to sleep with multiple people but others might only prefer to sleep with people they are in a relationship with. It is a personal preference just like coca cola or sprite.
However, any sexual interaction should ALWAYS be consensual on BOTH sides. There is nothing wrong with you, there is no way you 'should' have responded or felt EXCEPT for what YOU wanted to do and how ACTUALLY felt. I think she definitely crossed a line with you, because even if she didn't pick up on you feeling nervous and think to ask whether you were also keen on doing things (which is always the best way to go about it), when you stopped that was 100% clear you did not want to continue. I think she may have then called you those things because she herself was embarrassed and felt rejected, so she may have done that to protect herself but that was also in no way right.
You are not a wuss for choosing to turn down anything, I know myself, my friends etc have turned down encounters many times and this was simply because we were not interested or did not want to do anything in that moment. It doesn't make us any less of a person or any less 'cool'. A person should ALWAYS respect your decision as it is YOUR choice because it is YOUR body. Anything less is not okay. So I hope this helps you in knowing that it wasn't you and that she crossed a line.
I am sorry to hear what has happened to you, I just wanted to check and make sure also if you are doing okay with this on your shoulders?