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Re: Relationship advice

Hi Andrew,

 

Ugh, sounds like a really confusing time Woman Frustrated

 

For me the instability is always the thing that gets to me the most with relationships that aren't quite working. The not knowing what's going on and not being able to do anything to save (or end in some cases) because you really can't understand what's going on with the other person is absolutely the worst!

 

I really hope you can sort this out soon, peace of mind is a very precious thing indeed!


JDx

Re: Relationship advice

Crying so hard I threw up, mourning the loss of two potential lives tonight.

 

Re: Relationship advice

Hi Andrew,

 

It sounds like you have had an extremely hard weekend mate. I am really sad to hear that, and really feel for you. We are here for you, but it sounds like you could really do with talking one on one with someone tonight mate.

 

Calling Lifeline on 13 11 14 would be a very good idea if you are feeling this down. Talking to someone one on one when you are feeling like this can be a really stablising and have a calming influence. I really recommend you give them a call.

 

And keep checking in with us mate - JayDee, Ryan08, myself and the rest of the gang are here for you. 

 

 

 

 

Re: Relationship advice

My grief got the better of me last night and now I get to wake up with swolen eyelids covered in red spots Smiley Frustrated

 

Nothing especially terrible happened over the weekend but it just all felt like the end last night, she insisted on calling me when she knew how upset I was and over the phone it was clear that she was crying too, because I was sad. I'm just so sick of being sad, it feels like nothing has gone my way in months.

 

We've done really well for the last week and I know that I need to continue on that path but I feel like a panicked animal caught in a trap and looking for a way out, it's almost impossible to sit back and let things happen when I know I need to. I still have to believe that we can get back together because I can't face a future where we don't but I know that it's most likely that we won't.

 

Every time I'm depressed it makes her sad too and it's not right that I should be doing that to her but I have nobody else to talk to.

Re: Relationship advice

Andrew,

 

I could tell you a thousand times that everything will be alright (and eventually it will be), but the reality is that you are just going though a really really hard time at the moment and you just need to keep 'putting one foot in front of the other' and endure it. And that is what you are doing. You are just coping the best you can and that is what it takes.

 

I know what you mean about "feeling like a trapped animal" - I have been there. You are trying everything you can to feel better and think positive and 'act normal', but when you are feeling that down about a relationship, sometimes it feels like you just can't move your mind on from it. I know you are exercising lots to keep your mind and body in shape, and I know that you are also trying to limit your communication with your girlfriend to give her space. You are doing all the right things - you just need to keep doing them and trust that you will start to gradually feel stronger and more yourself again.

 

So hang in there, and keep trusting that things will get better as they surely will.

 

 

Re: Relationship advice

Hey mate.

Stuff like this always has a weird F*%*ed up way of showing it self.. from my example when we broke up it took me like 2 weeks to even feel anything then it hit me like a tonne of bricks.. your emmotions are just showing them selves and it will happen at random times. i think one thing im learning at the moment is that i cant hurry being happy again, i keep thinking its been long enough now i should b running around doing back flips screaming im happy, reality is thats not what is happening. We keep beating our selves up over and over about the whole situation, then when it gets to hard we drop into the pit of our un happiness.

Relise now that all whats happening is normal.. u know why.. its because you care. if you didnt this wouldnt mean anything to you..

You remind me alot of my self, i will do what ever it takes to make things work.. i run all the scenarios in my head of what has been and what might have come. what i should do now and what i should have done.. i feel im always the bad person, the monster that ruins everything in my life.. Its all BullS&*t

 

 

I totally get the panicked animal idea. Your feeling this way because you are so used to things the way they were... when things were easy and just happened. Now things are changing your mind and body dont like this. What you have to do is find your inner strength.. How do you want to be as a man? im not saying your not aloud to be sad or that you cant cry... but in order to defeat this look to what you want to be.. Do you want to be the small one? the weak one ? the frightned one? i started asking my self that and im over being a victim... and being sad! and its because my negative thoughts and past belifes are ruleing my thinking.. Its not an easy task to change these things, but its not immpossible.

 

The New Psycho-Cybernetics by Dr Maxwell maltz is a book im reading (well listening to via audio books) but this is helping me see and explore why i always come back to these feelings when things go wrong for me.. It may not do anything for you but start taking action to stop this ruleling you. Get your power back and you start healing... Hope i make sense sometimes i go on these rants and im not even sure if anyone understands what im saying lol.. but i do it with good intention for you..

 

All the best bro!

Ryan

 

 

Re: Relationship advice

Haven't posted in a while, I think I've finally moved on to a better place now. The problem now is I guess having too many options moving forward.

 

Had a really awesome weekend away with some friends rock climbing, stayed at a youth hostel and met up with some cool Europeans studying in the city whom we took along with us. Strange how you can feel so instantly comfortable with some people (to the point where they trusted their lives to us when we took them rock climbing the day after meeting them).

 

Anyway I guess having such a good time with them made me realise that there was something beyond the situation I was in and we're going to meet up with them again to exchange photos and show them the city. It's still a fairly odd situation though because I quite like them and they both seemed fairly... interested. I guess I need all the relationship practice I can get now but they're only in Australia for another two months so nothing permenant can come of it and I don't really think I'm the kind of person who can have a non-serious relationship.

 

I guess I tend to overcomplicate things and should just do what feels natural, in any case I'm happy with where I'm at now and think that I've come out of it stronger, certainly my outlook is 180 from where it has been for the last few months and I'm happy to have some new people to interact with.

Re: Relationship advice

Hey Andrew! That's great news that you're coming out the other side so well. Thanks a million for coming back and sharing how you're doing.

 

I had a serious breakup a few years ago and, for me, I took the opportunity to do something I couldn't have done as easily with someone else: I moved to another country (Australia to the UK). Only a few days into it my outlook on everything was completely changed.

In much the same way, these Europeans are bringing some of that to you.

 

The world is a big, bright, shiny place full of so many things to discover and experiences to have. I quickly discovered that doing what felt right and natural, and making sure I was always learning, seeing or discovering something new, made a huge difference to my outlook.

 

Relationships are wonderful things but they're but one type of lens through which you can view the world and your own situation. Smiley Happy

 

I hope you can stick around. I think by drawing from your own experiences you would have some great advice for others going through the same thing. What do you think?

Re: Relationship advice

I'm with you Lex, totally stoked that you came back to let us know things are looking up for you Andrew. It is so damn good to hear it.

 

It sounds like that weekend away was a bit of a springboard into the next phase of your life. Embrace it and you won't look back. And as for the Europeans only being around for a couple of months - take one step at a time. Don't worry about that until it become an issue. For now just live it the moment and see where it takes you.