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Relationship intimacy anxiety

Hi everyone. Something new and reasonably exciting has started happening in my life. I've started dating the person who was my best friend and I suppose we're something more now. It's crazy and nice too. I like him. I'm not sure about 'love' but we definitely have a connection. So here's the thing. It's been about 3 weeks into our new relationship and we've kissed a few times and even made out. It's been great. 

 

But I've also started having serious anxiety. Whenever he makes a move to kiss me it always feels completely out of nowhere and I freeze up. He'll go to hug me or put his arm around me and kiss me on the forehead and I automatically become tense. I start to avoid his eyes and even begin to move away from him. And he's started talking differently too, like romantically in certain times and saying affectionate things towards me and romantic gestures and professing his love by talking about us as a couple dating and I start getting panicky every time and my instinct is to run. And when we're alone now he'll make a move like stroke my arm or leg or something and sometimes I'll feel okay, depending on what we're doing but mostly I start to panic and then that leads to me averting his gaze or moving away. And he'll just randomly lean in to give me a kiss and I get this terrified feeling (that's the only way I can explain it) go through my body. Like we were sitting in the car when he just picked me up, went to give me a kiss on the lips and I couldn't do it . I awkwardly turned away. 

 

I don't understand why I'm having these reactions and feelings. I do feel attracted to him but not all the time. And I miss the way he was before we first kissed. That's why I liked him so much because I was comfortable . Great - now I know I'm feeling uncomfortable most of the time he tries to be physically intimate. Smiley Sad 

 

I don't understand and it's eating me alive. I don't even know how to confront him about the issues I'm having Smiley Sad I need help otherwise I'm just going to ruin this and hurt him. 

 

 

Re: Relationship intimacy anxiety

Hey @mspaceK,

 

New relationships can be a lot to handle, even if you've known the other person for a while. Like you said, it can be nice, but there's a lot of craziness that goes along with it as well, since even though you kind of already know one another, everything is also different, since when you're with them, you're not with someone whose just a friend anymore. He might've never put his arms around you that way before, much less given you a kiss after picking you up, and all of a sudden, he is...

And it can feel weird, since even though the person is old, all this stuff is super new. Which can get particularly scary if they're the person you would usually confide in, since it can feel like you can't mention it to them now that they're personally involved, and "who can I talk to now?"

 

Or at least, that's what I think ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Does that sound about right to you?

 

Oh, and before I get (even further) ahead of myself - have you spoken about this to him?

 

Re: Relationship intimacy anxiety

Hi @mspaceK thank you for sharing with us. It sounds like you both are transitioning from being best friends to being in a relationship over the past three weeks. It's always good to be open and honest in these situations, particularly if you do feel uncomfortable that way it gives you both a chance to hear each other out and work things out. If you do feel like you need to talk to someone further before having a chat with him, you could try eheadspace or Kids Helpline for some advice around this. Hope this helps Smiley Happy

Re: Relationship intimacy anxiety

hi @mspaceK

 

I completely understand how your feeling, I had a similar situation where I really liked this guy and he was so laid back and funny but when we started to date he went really weird and became possessive and clingy (He literally got so upset with me because i said a movie star was good looking his exact words were "I'm disgusted") anyway he became really touchy feeling and I legit just felt so anxious, I felt like I couldn't breathe, I had no space, he was just smothering me, so it took me a week to work myself up to say something to him but in the end I just said to him, look I'm sorry but I'm not into the whole PDAs (Public displays of affection) and he was understanding and backed off so sometimes all it takes is just a word to them and if they don't understand then they aren't worth your time. Smiley HappyHeart

 

Re: Relationship intimacy anxiety

Hey @mspaceK, how have things been going the past few days? Have you been able to talk to him about how you're feeling? 

// Spiral outward, keep going. //