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Relationship with boyfriend

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for just over 2 months. this is my first real relationship. i am 18. he is 17. it has all been so good so far! and super fun Smiley Happy but i am starting to feel the stress of it and i dont know if i should be or not. I worry about how long our relationship will last. i am scared that one day he will wake up and spring it upon me that it is over. even though i dont even think he is that kind of person. i worry that i am the only one putting in effort. because i always message first and am naturally very clingy. thinking now that i should take a step back and let him take the lead even though it makes me anxious i should probably practice it. i also worry that he does not like me as much as i like him. i like him so much he has become my everything. i want to be with him all the time. i just dont know if he feels the same way. a friend said that he probably isnt affectionate in that way but he probably does feel the same way. he loves it when i am honest and real with him but i havent told him this because i am scared. 

should i just take a step back and not let him take over my life because of the stress? obviously i still want to be with him im just wondering about so many things right now because this is all new to me haha

 

xx

Re: Relationship with boyfriend

Hi @012EmC, thank you for posting, and congratulations on being in your first relationship!  It's great that you've been enjoying yourself.

 

These worries are really common (like, really common).  Unfortunately relationships don't come with guarantees, and many people experience break ups at one time or another.  I know you are together, so I don't want to sound negative or presumptive, but here is a directory to a range of help guides regarding relationships.  Specifically you might want to check out this one on managing pressures and the last paragraph of this one about acknowledging how it's important to look after yourself.

 

What do you think would happen if you broke up? 

 

Compromise is really important, but so is being true to yourself.  Keep enjoying what you can, and don't worry about trying to control what you can't.  Ironically, sometimes the more we worry about these things ending, the more likely we are to be controlling and push people away.  Remember this all normal and part of it, and keep having fun!

 

Hope this helps and let us know how you're going Smiley Happy 

 

Re: Relationship with boyfriend

Hey @012EmC, welcome back! Like @tsnyder said, these worries are super common but they are a bit freaky if you haven't experienced them before. Chances are he's feeling something pretty similar. You said he likes your honesty, and communication is a really important part of every relationship, so perhaps you could sit down and talk about it. There is nothing "clingy" about needing a little reassurance that the person you love feels the same way and you're on the same page with how much contact or affection you need. In fact, having that discussion is mature and sensible - even if it is a bit scary to start!

Re: Relationship with boyfriend

Hey @012EmC !

Guess what, your first relationship is going to be significant and different to all the others becusse it will be the only time you've been in a relationship where you heart hadn't experienced heart break, so all the feelings are fresh and strong. This doesn't mean it's the only one you'll have or that you won't experience love again, trust me on this, if it doesn't work out, you can definitely love a second time. Unfortunately, no matter how great a love may feel at the time, sometime it just doesn't work out and we have to realise that without letting that possibility ruin the experience. All you can do it do your best and enjoy the experience and deal with the heart break when it comes, because trust me even that is an experience that can help you grow and become the wonderful, strong woman you're meant to be. Having said that, don't worry about the relationship ending, if it's going to happen it's going to happen and it will be for a reason, maybe someone better will come along.

Secondly, you sound like you have a really mature mindset, and as you said, it may be a good idea to allow space in the relationship. remebr that he is in this too, he may be scared and overwhelmed too and sometimes it's not healthy to see one another all the time and talk all the time. Too much of anything is just that, too much. Absence does make the heart grow fonder from my experience.

One more thing, forget about your worries about him not liking you and focus on yourself and what you deserve. If he doesn't like you, so what, you deserve to be with someone that loves you. If it's actually a genuine concern for you, maybe he isn't the one. Eliminate the worry and see how your relationship goes with mutual respect and investment from the both of you. Know your worth, you are valuable Smiley Happy

Re: Relationship with boyfriend

Hey @012EmC, hows everything going today?

 

Being in a relationship can be a really difficult thing- especially the first time around where you're working everything out! What makes you feel like the relationship might end?

 

You mentioned that you don't feel like he is taking the lead and it makes you feel clingy. It's not a nice feeling when you think that you're annoying your partner (trust me, this happens to me too sometimes!) When you're in a relationship and you love the other person, it can be hard to realise when to take a step back. Despite relationships being about you both as a couple, for the couple to work at it's best, both people need to have "me time" to focus on themselves or to be with friends without the other person being "over their shoulder" all the time. 

 

These are things that you will work out as you go along. Every body has their own personality and every couple works differently, so I urge you to keep being committed to your relationship, but to allow both you and your partner to have some chill out time without texting, calling, or being together. Hopefully by having some you time, it will help alleviate your stress.

 

Keep us posted,

 

Lahna

Re: Relationship with boyfriend

I have a boyfriend but it all stated when I moved away. We have been friends for years but I secretly liked him and he secretly liked me back. THis all changed when I moved and he sent me a text saying that he always liked me. Ever since then we have been a couple. The only thing is that I live about 2 hours away from him and its hard to see him as we are both so busy and our parents wont let us see eachother. This long - distance relationship seems a little risky. What should I do?

Re: Relationship with boyfriend

Hey @Pinter,

 

Thanks for chatting with us, and sorry to hear that you're struggling with the distance.

 

Living so far away from your partner can be super challenging. Do you feel like you could make it work? You mentioned that you thought it was a "little risky" living so far away from eachother. What kind of doubts are you having?

 

Lahna

Re: Relationship with boyfriend

Thanks, What i mean when I say "a little risky" is that what if it won't last? What if what we are texting is not what we would say if we were there together in person. Would that change the relatioship completely?

Re: Relationship with boyfriend

Hi @Pinter and thanks for sharing this with us.

I haven't been in a relationship, so I can't really say I have the experience to back up what I'm saying here. Having said that, I think it's great that you guys are trying to make the long distance work, and I think it's natural to worry about how that distance might change things or make them more difficult.

Maybe communicating via Skype or FaceTime could be an alternative, to give you an idea of what it would be like in person?

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: Relationship with boyfriend

Hi @Pinter , I've never been in a long distance situation with a relationship, but from what I've heard from people I know who have the concerns you're having are pretty common. I think with any relationship there's always that question of "what if it doesn't work?" and it is a possibility, but from the sounds of what you've told us you seem very commited to making it work and that's a fantastic starting point to work from.

 

We've actually got a fact sheet here with a bit more info about making it work in a long distance relationship, feel free to check it out if you want and let us know how things go Smiley Happy