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Relationship with my mum

Mum and I have such different personalities. She's very matter of fact about what she says (typical speaks before she thinks person), regardless about how it may impact my feelings. I'm an elite cyclist and she and my Dad have been very supportive towards me financially and driving me places, but I constantly feel like I should feel guilty for everything they do for me. We've had arguments, but mostly its just her yelling at me and me ending up crying. She knows I've got ADD and therefore have trouble concerntrating and getting myself organised but basically her attitude is 'you're just going have to get better'. She's constantly telling me how I'm going to go nowhere in life which is kind of riduculous because i'm a straight A student. I'm constantly tip toeing around her because she's practically a ticking time bomb and I never know whats going to set her off. She had quite a rough childhood, so therefore she always makes me and my brother feel guilty for being 'privlidged and supported' and how we are (I quote) the 'most selfish and self centered children around' and 'how did she go wrong in her parenting'. Today, she informed me and my brother that last night Dad and her decided that not only next year will they be sending my brother off to boarding school, but I literally have until the 31 December to move out of home. Firstly, I doubt this is my Dad's idea because he is the most reasonable person I've ever met in my life. Secondly - I am only 16 years old and am doing year 11 this year!! She's expecting me to move out of home during year 12 (and go where?), the most stressful time of a teenager's life anyway. What makes things worse is that I don't have a job because all my spare time is taken up training, which means that I'm basically going to be forced to temporarilly give up my racing in an effort to support myself. Oh and yes the icing on the cake - I have currently a total of 18 hours logged for my learners and Mum is now refusing to drive with me and is saying that if i want my hours up I am going to have to pay for 100 HOURS OF DRIVING INSTRUCTOR SUPERVISED DRIVING (again- I don't have a job to pay for this), or I'm going to have to wait until I'm 21 when I don't need the hours. Please may I add that I'm not a rebellious child - quite the opposite. I don't go out much and mostly just do my homework and try and keep the peace. Mum and I just clash because she is the EXACT OPPOSITE and doesn't understand the way I behave. Help I'm so lost I don't know what to do. I never dreamed that I'd ever be in this situation. Smiley Sad((

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Re: Relationship with my mum

Hey @ARO, firstly welcome to Reachout and well done for sharing your story.

 

It sounds like you are having a pretty tough time at home which can really suck. Given your mum is so hard to deal with, are you able to speak to your dad about how you are feeling? Do you think he would give you more support? 

 

When you are in a situation like this it's always a good start by speaking to someone, whether that is someone close, like a family member or a close friend, even just to vent. If you don't have anyone to speak to or just want to chat to someone you can also call Kids helpline on 1800 55 1800 for some support. They also have a online chat if speaking on the phone is too difficult for you. 

 

When you have 5 minutes take a look at this family conflict fact sheet, it might help you come up with a few ideas next time you have some issues with your mum. 

 

Let us know what you think of those ideas and don't be afraid to keep getting involved here on Reachout.

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Re: Relationship with my mum

Hey @ARO and welcome to ReachOut!

Did you check out any of the factsheets @Zekk gave or chat to KidsHelpLine?
Have you spoken to your dad at all? Do you think that he'd be able to provide you with some support, maybe even drive with you?

How are things today? Are they any better?
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Re: Relationship with my mum

Hey @ARO,

 

Welcome to the RO forums. @Zekk has given some awesome resources to help ease into resolving this situation. 

 

I just wanted to say that we are all here to help you through this. I can really understand how stressed you must be feeling right now, contemplating what could happen if you were both forced out of home. It seems utterly impossible for you to continue your racing and be forced to pay for things during year 11 and 12. You also seem like a really down to earth and friendly person, and someone who strikes me as wanting to have stable relationships with your family. Do you think that your relationship with your mother is repairable? Do you want to have a better relationship with your mother?

 

Make sure to check out Kids Help Line as well, you might find some other helpful resources there.

 

Keep us posted,

 

Lahna

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Re: Relationship with my mum

Hi @ARO

Firstly I want to say that I'm sorry to hear that you're in this situation. Your parents shouldn't be causes of stresses such as these, and you shouldn't be being forced into such a helpless feeling position. I know it all seems extremely scary and daunting right now, but things are going to be okay.
To begin with, I want to echo what everyone else has said about speaking to your dad. Talk to him about what she's told you in regards to having to move and having to fund your own driving lessons or wait. Tell him about how this is making you feel, or about all of the issues you're having with these two ideas of hers.

Secondly, I know this won't make you feel all that great right now, but try to take some breaths and remind yourself that these may be completely empty threats. December 21st is over half a year away and so many things can change between now and then.
Has she done anything like this before? If so, how did they turn out? Do you have reasons to believe that being forced out is actually going to happen?

If, however, it turns out that you are going to have to leave I want you to know that we're all going to be here to help you through it. There are resources set up to help people out in those situations, and we will help you find them.
You don't need to think to much about this right now, I'm saying this more so that you know that tackling the worst case is possible. For right now, speak to your dad and see what happens.
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Re: Relationship with my mum

Hey @ARO,

 

How's it going?

 

Lahna