Running into my old boss

[Bee]

I've been wanting to make a thread for while and I've not had the words but right now there's this thing that happened and my mind won't stop obsessing over it right now.

SO I was in the shopping centre with mum, and this guy walked past and she liked her shirt so she started talking to him, I looked up and it was my old boss (who fired me June Last year). WHen I noticed this dread and fear crept over me. I was angry and sad and I wanted to scream  and cry and whyy!?

He then noticed the big moon boot on my foot and asked what happened, and I just said I had to have another operation. I refuse to give him any details. He said it wasn't good and I said that is life. He then said something to mum and walked away.

I felt angry! WHY NOW DO YOU DECIDE TO TALK TO ME, NEARLY 1.5 YEARS AFTER YOUR FIRED ME, WHEN EVERY OTHER TIME SINCE THEN YOU BLANTANTLY IGNORED ME EVEN WHEN I SAID HELLO!!!!!! ARRRGGHHH

I just wanted to scream at him. I wanted to tell him how much he hurt me. 

I'm now sad because all I can think about is how badly it ended and how it had destoryed me and how I haven't been able to find work since then! (sure I've had a contract photogrpahy gig for a month but that's not long term)

I thought I'd moved on from that experience. I've removed it from my resume to stop it impacting and stuffing me up in job interviews, but alas nothing. I can't secure work. And this stupid foot stuff doesn't help. And ugh.

It totally destoryed my confidence in my work ability - before then I really believed I could do anything I want, but now I think I'm scared to get a job again incase this happens. I couldn't cope with the crap that went on in that workplace again. 

I don't know where this is going. I'm crying and I'm lost. and I don't know what to do anymore...

[litgym]

hey @Bee

im a bit lost with words ! im so sorry that happened but im glad you still survived even though how much it hurt you❤️

have you taken a break break from job searching since the operation ? if you haven’t give yourself a break <3 you will find a job one day i believe in you. it took my mum about 13 years to find a job and it definitely will not take you that long ! you’re young and such a lovely person and anyone would be so grateful to have you ! 

have you done any self-care today ? crying is a valid feeling, you’re allowed to release your emotions  have things settled down since you wrote this ?

[Bee]

@litgym <3

I have taken a break, but there are a few vacancies atm which sound nice, and either close yesterday or today or something, but I'm not up to applying right now, so I'm so confused as to what to do with that :/

I'm chilling on games because it's been a tough day epecially since I saw my psychiatrist at lunch and slept until then...
It has but it hasn't. I still want to curl up into a ball and cry, but eh idk

[litgym]

that’s perfectly fine, take the time and space you need <3 @Bee

ahh that must have tiring talking to your psych ? glad you had some sleep do you think there’s anything else you could to help with these feelings ? maybe talking to khl or eheadspace ?

[Bee]

Yeah talking to the psychiatrist is usually draining as it's via video, and there is just so many more people to interact with to get there. Where as my psychologist I just walk in, sit in her waiting room and wait for her.
I could probably journal it a bit, it's something I'd prefer to work with my psychologist with as she knows more of my history etc, but when I'm struggling to cope I reach out to helplines