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SO Over

Ahhh so I have 11 days till I go in for my surgery but i don't want the surgery. Atm i cant help but think how much better it would be if I gave up and stopped fighting. I don't want to fight anymore i cant be strong i cant walk around and act like I'm okay with what's going on in my life....

I'm over my friends walking out on me because its getting too hard for them its too much for them right now.
I just feel its better of if I fight this alone or not at all...

Re: SO Over

Hey  @Talitha93 .. I do not want to say what you're experiencing is simply the nerves one gets before surgery. I remember this was a difficult decision for you to make and also a difficult situaion to come into terms with. 


When you say you can't help but wonder how much better life would have been if you gave up and stopped fighting.. how would life have been better? if you don't mind me asking. 


If you don't be okay with what's happening in your life, the changes your body is going through, then you will struggle a lot in life, because life is full of surprises-changes! Both good and bad. And Its important you deal with it in a way that makes you happy, so then you can get through it. 


From an outisders point of view. 

I am suppotive of your decision to take the surgery. This is because you are taking a step in fighting for your health and your well-being which is very couragous! Very Strong thing to do. 

You probably do not want to hear that because of your feelings towards the surgery.. I apologise if it annoyed you at all.

But as much as I want you to go through with this, My opinion does not matter over yours. It is important you make a decision you are able to live happily with. Otherwise, it does no one good. 


I know you had to face ALOT of hardships in the past few months with your family and your friends. 

When the people you care most about walk out on you as if they have no hope left in you.. it can really destroy a person. I understand what pain is like. How I delt with it was that I reminded myself I am happy with the choices I have made, I reminded myself that I am not doing anything immoral, I remined myself I am who I am .. and people just need to accept me for the decisions I make. If not, its fine, Ill meet other people who will accept me! Because there are people like that! That will support you and accpet all your decisions. 


I am sure your doctors have been helpful so far? You do not need to be alone. I know you don't want to let people down and hurt those you love. Thats a very self-less and beautiful trait to have. But its important you make sure you don't hurt yourself first. Its important you keep yourself strong and happy first. Its not selfsh to do this in this situation, becuase if you don't be healthy and happy within yourself, how can you be these things for others? 

Maybe you don't need to get everyone involved. But your doctors and those who are supportive of you will make sure you aren't alone in this. And as long as you are happy, you wont be letting these people down so there is nothing to worry about. 


Re: SO Over


If i gave up and stopped fighting i just think part of me will think that im okay. But while im at the hospital majority of the time i just cant think like that. Im not happy with who i am or how i think at the moment.
The doctors said the other say that there is a 66% chance in living 5 years of my life. If im going to end uo dying why not stop fighting...

Im struggling with the fact of how I am going to feel once the surgery is over or what I will look like once I am out.. I dont know how to deal with this. All I seem to do is cry about it and that just shows I am not strong enough for this...

No it didnt annoy me thats fine, I like your input its hard for me to talk to my mum about this and the friend i used to talk to about it kinda pushed away from the hole situation today and said its all too much for thank you.

It just feels mt family and the friends that know dont care about me, like would they even notice if i just vanished...

My doctor has been very good to me.. as for my family i dont really speak with them which is hard but i cant do much about that..

I just think that its better if i keep the things going on in my life to myself and deal with them on my own that way i dont ket anyone down..

Re: SO Over

Hi @Talitha93 


In the end the choice is yours and we are here to support you and be there for you.

I believe last time I mentioned that its okay to keep unloading your problems to your friends (I know I did for months and months). Good friends will stick around and some friends cannot deal with the stress because they have their own problems too. Give the latter a bit of a breather. 


It doesnt have to be a either alone or not, its okay to give friends some space and in the mean time....


Have you been able to talk to a psychologist or counsellor or your GP about all this? 

I personally found them to be super helpful but of course they are not there 24/7. You can come on here and talk to us.


You are not alone.


Re: SO Over

Hey @standinside

To be honest i dont have many friends to be able to lean on i had one friend that i used to talk to a lot but today she said i need to speak to a professional as it's too much for her to deal with at the moment.
That just makes me think that she never really cared i asked her many times before if it was okay and she always said ill be here for you no matter what......

I havent spoken to anyone only on here and my friend.
I used to wee a councillor when my dad walked out 12 years ago and i never liked them an i always said never again will i go and see one. I just dont connect with them

Re: SO Over

Yes, before I went to see a psychologist both of my colleagues said it was a waste of time (one still goes weekly) and I didnt think too much of it before I went.

But it honestly changed my life after I went. Maybe you didnt connect with that councilor but maybe you can with another. My GP was also a good source of support and hope you can find the same from yours.

Regarding your friend I think its smarter to unload "crap" onto your friends and just let it out. Dont expect them to answer your questions. They are there just to listen. Maybe she thought she needed to fix your problem and make decisions for you.

But shes really only needed to listen. :/
I think you should contact her again.

Re: SO Over

I was seeing her for 3 years i just sat there and didnt talk to her it was hard..

Ive always said to her i just want you to listen i know most of the time you wont know what to say and thats okay because i just want you to listen. But obviously she had different thoughts....
I think its best if i give her some space...

Re: SO Over

Hey @Talitha93 

it's a good point you've made about simply wanting someone to listen. I think oftentimes, people we talk to feel like they have a huge responsibility to help us and make our problems go away.

It could also be that your friend is trying to resolve her own issues and her reactions to you aren't a personal attack.




Re: SO Over


No one can take away the pain someone else is going through. An weather or not they are giving you advice or just listening it helps in a way. But what i dont get it when you ask someone straight to the face if im annoying you with my dramas or would you like me to stop talking about them and they say no.. but not long after they are telling you that you need help...

What are you supposed to say back to that....

Re: SO Over

Oh yeah, that makes sense. Basically, the more you ignore it the less real it feels.  But then agian, if you are in the hospital majority of the time.. why not spend your time there battling it? 

If there is a 66% chance of you surviving another 5 years, why not make it the best 5 years ever? 

Tackle the surgery, re-gain your health to the best you can and do all the things you've always dreamt of experiencing? 


We all have to die one day. 

If we all stop eating, taking care of our hygeine, stop drinking water.. we will all die as well...

Every thing we do, even breathing, we do to ensure we keep living.. whilst knowing we will die one day. 

What's the point of anyone of us doing these things if we all will die ?

You just need to try a little differently to maybe the person next to you. 

But then we all have different situations.

Death is not guaranteed.. for all I know, I can die in a car crash tomorrow.. knowing this, does it mean I stop trying to live? 


I can only imagine how the thought of this change can impact on you.

It is honeslty not an easy thing to have gone, being a woman. But you need to ask yourself, what is more important.. your health? or the way you look? 

What do you feel is more important to you? 


My pleasure. I am always here to talk if you need. 

I remember you speaking to me about your mum, has she gotten any better since before? 

It's unfortunate that your friend is this way :/ you must feel so disappointed and alone. But, you can't ket her bring you down. Even if you aren't close to other people, there are others that care! Your doctors are definitely one of them! 


In all honesty, once someone dies, there is a moment of sadness... but life goes on. 

Us as people need to move on with it and keep up to date with our daily responsibilites in order to make sure we survive.

I am sure they will always keep you in their hearts- your family especially. And it will upset them daily even...but, they will need to move on.. like we all do once someone passes. 

Its not that they don't care.. they definitely care! 

If you were to disappear, think about it, wouldn't your family try to contact you? I am sure they will. 


Thats great to hear! Keep speaking to your doctor. Its good to know you have someone you can talk to face to face. 

Not even your siblings? 


I don't think that's a bad way to go. Decide for yourself and keep yourself happy! The hell with how anyone reacts- its your life. But it is important to know there are people willing to listen to you and advise you.