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Sadness over relationship with my parents

Hi everyone. I've been feeling really down recently over the relationship I have with my parents. I don't like to be around my dad at all because he makes me anxious and always seems to make me feel shit like I'm not good enough. He has hurt me so many times. Abused me both emotionally and physically and it makes me sick. He manipulates my sibling and my mum and he is so controlling.  It's always his way despite how it affects your feelings. And I don't have a great relationship with my mother either. I feel like I can never talk to her about my problems or worries or work or achievements because she never knows what to say or seems disinterested or not even compassionate. It's like she just says "oh cool" and then nothing else. Doesn't ask me any questions or make an effort to text me to ask how I am going or anything. Absolutely nothing and I hate it Smiley Sad 

 

And I feel so sad because my boyfriend still lives with his parents and his mum checks up on him all the time if he's not home or whatever. She knows exactly what's going on in his life and shows that she cares. And his parents are so lovely towards me and his mum even messages me to ask me how my day at work was. She even knows when I've been sick and gone to the doctors and she knows so much about me and my life in comparison to my own mother. She asks me questions and makes me happy. 

 

 

But I'm so sad Smiley Sad why does my family have to be so dysfunctional? I'm even scared of my parents Smiley Sad it's not fair. 

 

I was in hospital earlier this year because I was planning to end my life and they don't even know anything and don't even know I was thinking it. I can't even talk to them about it. :'( 

 

I don't know what to do Smiley Sad 

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

Hey @mspaceK 

 

Thank you for coming to the forum to talk about this. First off I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear you've experienced abuse in the home. I know you have a regular KHL counsellor and attend support group to talk through this stuff with but I'm wondering what informal support networks you have? What can you do to keep yourself safe when you're feeling scared of your parents? 

 

It's sounds like your boyfriend and his mum are a huge support to you. It's so nice to hear that you've got someone checking up on you and taking an interest in your life. It's really important to have that - but I can understand how that would make you feel about your relationship with your mum. I think anyone who has been through issues with their parents, could relate to how sad you're feeling. It's okay to be sad, be extra gentle with yourself and know that we are all here for you. Heart 

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Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

Thank you @Bre-RO . I think informal supports that I have is one of my friends and my boyfriend. They are the only sort of people who know about my anxiety and family issues. People from headspace do too but not sure who else. 

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

@Bre-RO My mum said something to my sibling yesterday that made me feel really shit Smiley Sad it was supposed to be a celebration day of a sort and my mum pretty much said that sometimes she doesn't love my sibling and then she does. And what's worse is sometimes she wants to kill her. My mum said this in front of guests and it made me feel so awkward. Why the hell did my mum have to say something like that? Smiley Sad 

 

I don't know if I should confront my mum about this and tell her that I didn't like what she said. I don't even know how my sibling felt about it. 

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

Hi @mspaceK, that sounds very challenging to deal with. It places you in a very difficult position Smiley Sad I know this may not be what you are hoping for.. but it really is up to you, as you know your Mum the best. It may be important to consider the benefits of telling her but also the consequences. How will your Mum react? What are you hoping to achieve by telling her? How likely is the outcome you are hoping for? Could giving her feedback be harmful/negative? How does your sister feel about what has happened? What is the outcome for her if you tell your Mum? Just some things to think about if you want to explore your options. We will support you whatever you choose and there is no right or wrong answer Heart

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

I don't know what to do today. I've taken the past 3 days off work and tomorrow as well. I just didn't feel like I could work. I have another medical test that I'm supposed to book in asap but I've been anxious about.  And I have a different invasive medical test happenning in september which I am not looking forward to. I also have yearly qualification certificates that are reaching their expiry dates so I have to rebook into and I'm feeling so overwhelmed with everything. I haven't even gotten out of bed yet and I don't know what to eat and I have little motivation Smiley Sad

 

I spoke to my sister about the speech @Taylor-RO  and she's fine about it. It seems it's only me that feels hurt by it. I feel like confronting my mum will cause more issues right now so I'm not going to say anything to her about it. I might be speaking to my KHL counselor today so I'll let them know at least. 

 

I feel stuck today. Smiley Sad 

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

Hey @mspaceK Smiley Happy

Thanks for talking about what's going on for you right now. I'm sorry that you're feeling overwhelmed and stuck today. What have you been up to?

 

I think it's fair enough that you've decided not to confront your mum right now. These things can be really tricky and can take a lot of thought or planning. 

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

Thanks for your support @JanaG . I ended up getting up and having a shower. I made a list of the things overwhelming me and I decided I'd focus on them tomorrow. So I've been listening to music and playing computer games and I also read some of my book. 

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

That's fantastic @mspaceK Smiley Happy Sounds like you've used some great stratergies! Showers can make the world of difference when you're feeling average. What computer games do you like to play? I like to play CS:GO and RPGs in general.

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

@JanaG I like adventure games like crash bandicoot and spyro but I also like first person shooter or things like assassins creed or skyrim type games. At the moment I'm just playing internet games.