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Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

OMG Skyrim is/was the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 

 

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Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

Hey @mspaceK  

 

Sorry to hear how you've been feeling about the situation with your mum and sister. It must be hard  considering there are other things on your mind at the moment. How are you feeling today? Heart 

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

Hi @Bre-RO @Taylor-RO . You know what is weird? I feel really good tonight! And on Sunday I felt like absolute shit, so much so that I was talking to my KHL counselor about some of my negative thoughts about wanting to hurt myself coming back. I mean - i'm still stressed and I have this feeling of wanting to escape from everything so bad. But right now I feel okay. I'm relaxing in my room talking to a friend and playing games in front of the heater. 

 

There have been lots of things playing on my mind though. I have 2 medical tests coming up in September that I'm stressed about. They're both really uncomfortable tests, at least one I will be asleep for. I'm super worried about the results of both and what they may or may not find. It's making me anxious. 

 

And the next two weeks are going to be tough because I am working a lot. I just took off the past 4 days and Thursday but I will be working every day fri, sat, sun, mon, tue, wed, thur, fri, sat and sunday. Then from the 1st my schedule will be clearer thankfully but it's still a lot to get through over the next week and I can't take any more time off so I have to push through it. At least it will be good money. 

 

But also - lately I feel like I am pushing my boyfriend away sometimes because I get stressed or worried about things a lot and sometimes my boyfriend is in disbelief or cannot believe that I am stressed again. And it might be something small or whatever. Or i'll tell him that today I'm not feeling too good emotionally and he doesn't get 'annoyed' exactly but he is finding it hard to know what to say or to understand why I am feeling this way when it happens. He doesn't know how to help and he wants me to be happy and so do I. I have had a lot of stressful triggers happen lately (family drama, eating healthy, money) and just general anxiety with work and my health that i've been overwhelmed by. It makes me so sad when he gets like that because I feel like I am pushing him away because I'm too negative and he won't want to be around that. And I get it, I really do. I wouldn't want to be around a negative nancy either. I'm trying to be confident in myself and happy and not complain about things and to be positive. It's hard. I guess i'm scared that he will get sick of me Smiley Sad 

 

Ultimately I feel like I am constantly overwhelmed with all aspects of life to put it short. Work, health, family, money - ughhhh. I'm just finding it hard to manage everything.

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

Hey @mspaceK, it's so great to hear that you were feeling good yesterday! Heart how are you feeling today?

It does sound like you've got a lot on your plate. Sending you lots of luck for the tests in September.

I hope you're able to squeeze in some time for self-care in between lots of work over the next couple of weeks. How do you reckon you might do that? Smiley Happy

 

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

@letitgo Well the good news is, is that I spoke to my boyfriend about feeling like I am pushing him away and he told me that he does not feel that at all and that he cares about me a lot. I'm really lucky that I can talk things through with him and I also told him that I'm going to work on having positive outlets for my anxiety. 

 

I'm feeling very tired today. I finished work just over an hour ago and I just got home. I'm exhausted! I'm having pains in my lower abdomen which is to be expected but hopefully it'll ease over the next few hours and by tomorrow. 

 

I'm happy because I received positive feedback from my agency about the work I have been doing at the workplace and the site that I have been working at has requested me back for three more weeks later in September. I am really proud of myself because I was so anxious about doing this work and I put it off for such a long time and now I am doing it and enjoying it too, even when it gets tough. 

 

I've been thinking about self-care and those things include reading my books, watching shows, catching up with friends for games and hot chocolate, dancing, my video games by myself and with my housemate, sleeping, rewarding myself with my favourite restaurant and going to the cinemas and I'm planning a holiday for me and my boyfriend. I also have my journal, my headspace group and KHL counselor. Hopefully this will help me to manage things. 

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

@mspaceK 

Its so good to hear you had such a positive response from your boyfriend! It sounds like he is really supportive Heart It really goes to show how understanding and caring people can be when they know what is going on for us. Sometimes anxiety makes us keep things to ourselves and holds us back from being open with people. Well done for being honest and vulnerable!! It sounds like this will only strengthen your relationship. 

 

Self care and just doing FUN things in general hopefully help your anxiety too. Sometimes we underestimate how therapeutic those basic things are; connecting with friends, having fun, letting go and getting outside! I read this really nice blog post the other day about 'creatively hydrating' that reflects what you mentioned. It talks about doing really simple things like dancing, trying new recipes, free drawing etc to keep our life feeling fresh. 

 

https://www.selfpractice.com.au/self-practice/are-you-creatively-hydrating

 

P.S Awesome job with work by the way! Sounds like you have been kicking goals and working hard Smiley Very Happy

 

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

I feel like I have taken several steps back. Smiley Sad I'm having a bad day and I feel like a failure and an inconvenience to everyone. I can't seem to control my emotions and I get so worked up over minor things that shouldn't even matter and I end up ruining my own and someone else's mood because of it. I don't know why I feel so damn stressed and anxious all the time and I can't seem to process things properly or calmy especially when it involves change.  I can't cope with simply deciding what to have for lunch or when to get up. Smiley Sad and what's worse is today I'm having really bad stomache pains and I'm scared about my medical tests coming up :'( I feel like crying. I wish I didn't have to go through this. I hate myself. Smiley Sad 

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Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

Hey @mspaceK ,

 

I am so sorry to hear that you had a bad day yesterday. Hope you are feeling better today. Change can be challenging for most of us, and often we take backward steps along with forward steps; it's all part of the process, so please don't be so hard on yourself Smiley Happy.  It takes real courage to change Heart.  You've had a full-on time recently with stress and your upcoming medical tests.  However, despite this, your feedback from work has been positive, and you had a really great conversation with your boyfriend.  That's super impressive!  Remember we are all here to support you. 

 

P.S Skyrim was incredible!

 

 

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

@TOM-RO I had a really bad sleep (Friday night) and didn't go to work today (Saturday) which was awful. I was up all night and just could not settle. 

 

I did spend the day with my sister though which did help. We went to the city and played pokemon go together and had a look at some events going on which was really nice. 

 

I'm trying not to be so hard on myself. It's really hard and I'm getting so overwhelmed all the time. I don't really know how to help myself. I should be able to speak to my KHL counselor tomorrow hopefully. 

 

Thank you for supporting me. 

 

I still have so much of Skyrim to complete!  

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

hey @mspaceK 

 

I'm glad to hear that spending time with your sister was helpful Heart It's always nice to get lost in the city for a day. I need to go to city more often. I guess it can be easy to take the city we live in for granted.

 

Being too hard of yourself is an easy trap to fall into isn't it? I hope you're being kinder to yourself today. Did you speak to your KHL counselor?