cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

Oh @mspaceK, I'm so sorry that you feel like you've got a bad relationship with your parents. Being around parents who are abusive and controlling is so difficult, because on one hand, they're your parents and there is a societal expectation to have this 'perfect' relationship with your family, but on the other hand, in order to feel okay we need to be able to draw up boundaries with people, especially if they're abusive towards us.

 

I'm wondering whether you could foster this growing relationship with your boyfriends mum? She sounds really lovely, and sometimes we can get support from adults who aren't our parents and that can really help us. 

____________________________________________________
“Your now is not your forever."
― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

@letitgo I decided to go to work today. My boyfriend encouraged me and so I went. It was super stressful at times and I tried to manage the best I could. I'm really exhausted now and glad to be home. I wrote a bit in my journal because I feel overwhelmed with everything. My perfectionism is really getting to me because an incident happened at work that ultimately should have been avoided and I was one of the responsible people around at the time. I did the best I could and reported what happened to the appropriate people. Nothing real bad ended up happening but I still feel so shit about what did happen and what could have happened and the fact that I didn't prevent it or was even aware at the time that this particular thing was happening. It's not my fault though. Not really. It was the actions of others and their poor choices. Yet, I can still be held accountable due to the fact that I was supervising. I'm trying not to stress about it, though I can't help it. I think I did the right thing because I followed it up. That's all i'm going to say about that. 

 

@MisoBear Thank you for your support. I try to put up boundaries and accept that. I feel so lonely and sad about it sometimes and I wish so much that it was different. It makes me want to cry a lot and I can't get the pain away Smiley Sad I really do like my boyfriends mum though and I'm trying to spend time with her because his parents make me happy. I'm still so sad though Smiley Sad I wish things were different in my family :'( 

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

Hi @mspaceK 

 

Well done was going to work Heart.  You managed to do it despite your stress.  Sometimes things happen at work that we cannot control.  It sounds like you responded in an effective and responsible manner Smiley Happy.  That is really impressive. 

 

Sounds like your boyfriend and his mum are great supports; they must care a lot about you.  Hopefully you can now get some rest

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way! I believe that we can have similar experiences with others, but never have the "same" experience because none of us are the same. However, I've never met someone else with such a similar experience to mine and it's a difficult road to walk. I'm so sorry!

 

Often, I look to pseudo parents at work or in my life for support. It's not the same, but it is often comforting to know that they choose to be close and care for you. It's definitely not fair that we can't always have close connections with those who birthed and raised us, but I think others are looking for moments to be a light in our lives.

 

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

 Hey @mspaceK,

 

I wish things were different for you too. I can feel your pain through your posts. I haven't been in your exact situation, but I know that it must be really hard to sit with how you're feeling right now.

 

I do know what it's like to really want someone to change their behaviour, even though it's really unlikely they will. This happens in my family when people act out towards each other or me. I've been going to therapy for a few years now, and I think I'm finally starting to accept that my family isn't going to change until I accept them as they are, warts and all.

 

This doesn't mean I have to be a doormat and allow myself to be treated badly, but instead of wishing they were different, I have come to realise that they probably won't change, but I can change how I respond to them. I know that you have the inner strength to do what is right for you, because you've been getting through life for this long already. 

____________________________________________________
“Your now is not your forever."
― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down
Highlighted

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

I really appreciate your support @psynominkelleigh and @MisoBear and @TOM-RO . 

 

I feel happy being around my boyfriend's parents, yet when I reflect on my own family there is this deep inner sadness there. I have tried so hard to mediate conflict between family members as well as develop assertiveness and put up boundaries and it all blew up in my face Smiley Sad and has done on several occasions. I feel so powerless to fix the things going wrong and I feel so incredibly distant from everyone. I feel like I can't talk to my mum about anything and my dad gives me so much anxiety, fear and tension and frustration. He has hurt me on a level that I'm trying to move past but I just can't. I feel like because of what's happened growing up something has gone wrong inside me. I don't know how to manage my anxiety or emotions sometimes and I get so overwhelmed and think bad things are always going to happen. And I feel like I am somehow not good enough. I am still struggling with my sleep (mostly having nightmares or interrupted sleep) and just looking after myself in general ( eating ). 

 

I went to work today and got support about the incident that happened yesterday. I felt so sick at work today and there were some really shitty parts of the day. I'm home now finally and have done some house cleaning and I am exhausted. I think I'm going to have a nap. 

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

I'm just laying down because I am physically and mentally exhausted and my housemate wants me to help her do cleaning. I wish she would just leave me alone. I already spent time before she got home cleaning and I'm tired. This probably sounds so petty. But I need a break. :'( I can't deal with all this stuff I "have" to do. This is the housemate who always makes a giant mess and now cause we have a house inspection tomorrow she is expecting me to help clean areas that she hasn't kept clean. Ffs. 

 

I need to have dinner. 

 

I feel down Smiley Sad 

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

@mspaceK it sucks that you feel that way when you reflect on your family. It's tough that you don't have the sort of the relationship you'd like with your parents. I'm sorry you feel that way Smiley Sad At least you feel close to your boyfriend's family. It also sounds like you have a really supportive boyfriend which is awesome too Heart

 

You mentioned having to mediate family issues. That can be really stressful! It's like... even if the issue doesn't involve you.. you somehow end up feeling responsible to fix it... right? Sometimes it's good to just take a step back and say "they'll figure it out soon" and try not to worry about it too much. That's what I try and do if there's any conflict in my family. I guess easier said than done depending on the size and severity of the conflict... 

 

You mentioned you haven't been eating and sleeping much. Is the former a conscious decision or just a result of your distress? 

 

I know you have a KHL counselor but I'm wondering if you have any other professional supports at the moment?

 

It sounds like you're feeling really overwhelmed right now. I hope tomorrow is a better day Heart Thinking of you Heart

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

@Maddy-RO I've just broken down and I can't stop crying. I've called in sick for work tomorrow too. I just can't do it. I can't get through another day right now. I started day dreaming about killing myself and I feel sick. I'm just laying in bed though messaging my boyfriend. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm so unhappy :'( 

 

I haven't been cooking meals and I've barely been eating snacks too. Either unmotivated or feel sick to. As for the sleep I don't know anymore. 

 

I'm seeing a psychologist later this week. I'm supposed to see my gp too but i haven't booked that in. I feel terrible. 

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

@mspaceK that sounds really horrible...

Are you safe atm?

I'm here if you need anything.