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Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

@Tiny_leaf I'm safe I guess. In bed trying to rest and settle down. I'm so tired I might actually fall asleep. 

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

@mspaceK I'm glad that you're safe.

Do you know of anything you can do to make yourself more comfortable until you fall asleep?

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

@Tiny_leaf I'm a bit cold so i turned the heater on. My head hurts. 

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

@mspaceK that sucks...

Do you think getting some water might help? (the moment I typed that I noticed that I need to get water myself...)

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

Good morning @mspaceK, did you manage to get some sleep? I hope so! Heart 

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

@letitgo @Tiny_leaf hi. I slept. I'm awake now but going to try to sleep more. I still feel unwell especially in my head. It feels heavy and i just feel sick. Smiley Sad 

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

Hi @mspaceK 

It sounds like last night was hard and it must have been scary to be day dreaming about ending your life. Are you safe now?

 

You sound so resourceful when it comes to trying different strategies, that can be a hard thing to do.

 

I have been catching up on posts and the stuff with your family sounds really tough, I have a really hard time with my family too, it can feel so disappointing, hurtful and exhausting. Having another strong support network is so important and it sounds like you have some really great support with your boyfriend and his family. 

 

It was probably a good idea to call in sick today as you have mentioned how physically and mentally drained you are feeling. I hope that you get some more rest today Heart

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Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

@mspaceK I'm really sorry that you're feeling so terrible. I'm sorry that reflecting on your own family brings up so much inner sadness for you. I often feel a lot of sadness when I reflect on my own family situation, so even though I'm not in the exact same situation as you, I know a little bit about how it feels and I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

 

It sounds like you've done a lot to try and establish boundaries with your family. You also sound extremely compassionate, and I think it's really admirable that you want to be able to fix things. I want to acknowledge the fact that often if we are kind and caring people, which you most certainly are, we can try very hard to mediate problems between people. This often can have the opposite effect to what we want (i.e. them to stop fighting and be at peace with each other) because really it is their own issue to sort out between them. Even if we have no faith of them sorting things out by themselves, putting ourselves in the middle of conflict that is between too other people can take a huge toll on our mental health. You also have your own conflicts with your parents, particularly your dad, that I can tell really distress you. I want to acknowledge that there is so much going on for you, but you are going to get through this. There is light at the end of this tunnel, I promise. 

 

Although I'm not in the same situation as you, I have been in situations where I've been dragged into conflicts between my other family members. I was always seen as the mediator and felt a responsibility to fix my family's problems for them. It took going to a psychologist to realise this though (the conflict was between for example my sister and mum, but my mum and sister would both individually call me to complain about the other person, or involve me in this conflict that actually had nothing to do with me). Me being involved actually would make things worse, but I felt such a great responsibility to fix things that I was neglecting my own mental health, and therefore I actually wasn't able to help anybody.

 

I'm wondering if you would consider the idea that the conflict in your family is not your fault, and that maybe it's not your job to fix it? And even the conflicts between you and your dad are not your fault, and you also don't have to make attempts to repair that relationship either. I'm hearing that the anxiety and emotions you're feeling are really hard to deal with, and you often feel overwhelmed by them. I just want to say that when you're in an environment that is chaotic, with a lot of conflict, it's definitely common to feel this way. You're not alone, I'm here with you, and everyone on the forums cares a lot about you. 

____________________________________________________
“Your now is not your forever."
― John Green, Turtles All the Way Down

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

I'm safe but I feel like absolute shit and like I'm just letting people down. Smiley Sad @Claire-RO 

Re: Sadness over relationship with my parents

Hi @mspaceK 

It's understandable that your feeling not so great at the moment you have had a lot on. It's always tough feeling like you are letting people down, but from what I have seen on here you are someone that is resourceful, hard working, caring and kind! Given you have had a really tough time the last few days, what are some nice things you can do for yourself to help you feel a bit better? When are you speaking to you KHL counselor again?