I’m working hard to cope but I feel so scared and alone and lost. It feels like things are never going to get better and there’s no one to talk to you about it because my psych acts like I’m stupid. She wants me to go to step up step down and the peer support worker took me to visit the other day and I just. Don’t want to go there. But I don’t have a choice.
I don’t want to be like this anymore. Everything makes me feel sick.
step up step down is ok. i have been there a couple of times. i mean it really depends who is there with you. sometimes it is better if you can make a house friend as it passes the time better. and just makes you feel less alone. although the first time i went the night i got there i had an absolute panic attack and just started crying as soon as i was alone in my room. one of the workers tried to talk to me but i just said i wanted to be alone. but it was ok you get used to the place i think it was just a shock to me as i have never really been anywhere unfamiliar other than hospital which i also cried in lol. but it is ok to be scared or unsure or just not want to go but give it a try it takes a while to settle in but it isnt so scary after a while and it is pretty relaxed there as far as expectations. but i guess it depends you shouldnt have to go if you really dont want to but it could be a way to break things up. also your psych needs to listen to you more and be more respectful she shouldnt be talking in a way that makes you feel like that. maybe you need to have a conversation with her about that. but thats only when you are ready for it no need to rush those hard conversations. good luck.
Hey @DruidChild I'm so sorry to hear how lost you're feeling at the moment
What is it in particular about the step up step down place that makes you really not want to go?
Sending you much love!
Hey @Eden1717 thank you so much for sharing your experiences, I really appreciate hearing from someone who’s been through it. It’s good advice to try and make friends with someone, I can see that would help.
@letitgo thank you I know it’s irrational but it seems so much more like a group home than anything else and I’m scared that if I go I’m going to get even more entrenched in the MH system and lose even more agency. What if I want to leave and I can’t? What if they decide I’m too sick and schedule me? I also feel like I don’t deserve the care...like I’m just one person...I shouldn’t get so much support and help. I’m not that sick.
Plus even though home is hard, it’s still familiar. My doctor who poster and my self care box and stuff are all here. My family makes me stressed and upset, but most of the time they’re also my only friends and it’s just. Ah. I don’t know.
@DruidChild it is like a group home in some ways but a bit more flexible i think. when i was there there was one person who just went to uni all day and came back and studied in her room we hardly ever saw her. and another person who worked most days so a lot of the time people come and go as they pleased i spent a fair amount of time going back home to see my pets and family in the evenings. so it isnt like you are stuck there and cant go anywhere. plus there isnt a right level of "sick" to need that support it is step up step down so some people come from hospital others come from home so there are a wide range of needs there. mostly it is for if you need a safe space to have some time to deal with your stuff without the added pressures of home and with a bit more support than home. it can also be good if you are having issues from your family to just get some space for a while. and they cant force you to stay if you dont like it unless they believe you are a big risk to yourself but if thats the case they still cant keep you there but they would probably call crisis services. anyway it isnt too bad it is weird at first but it is ok. still a heap better than hospital.
Thank you so so much @Eden1717 for telling me about it. Hearing about what it’s like from you makes me feel a lot more comfortable with the idea of going there. Yeah I reckon it would be better than hospital, hey? Especially since I could still attend uni classes. Thank you
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