Did you get rain where you are too @scared01? We had lightning and thunder but barely any rain!
Thank you I feel like I’m being attention seeking but I’m not trying to be, I just can’t help crying lately. Hmm I don’t know how to explain properly in a non triggering way...basically we were learning about the TIP skill and it brought up some bad memories from when I was younger. Plus this is weird but I just don’t like being reminded that I have a body...I want to float away...I hate that I’m supposed to be present and move in front of people.
its ok you can express yourself, im in an ok space so not alot will trigger me if you want to talk in abit more depth. maybe your crying is a way fro you to release some of those built up emotions esp those that get shoved down when your wearing the mask in front of others.
im sorry that skill brought up bad memories, is there something you can do tonight and tomorrow to help with the memories and emotions that might be coming up for you now?
Oh wow! I hope everything’s okay and you’re safe overnight @scared01
Thank you, I really appreciate that, I think it would break guidelines though It’s definitely a bit of emotional release...but I try to calm myself down and shut off the tears as quickly as possible so I never really just let myself cry, I feel bad if I do that when I’m public because people worry and I feel even more attention seeking. Also people touch me when I’m upset, like my tutor hugged me the other day, and I can’t stand it, I just want to be left alone.
I did some art today and might do some more tomorrow...there’s heaps of family stress happening rn too so I have to spend a lot of energy dealing with that...but I’m listening to a podcast for now and I’ll do some yoga later before bed. Then tomorrow I have so much uni work to do but I’m so tired and I just want to sleep through tomorrow and the next few weeks and maybe forever.
i think its a natural reaction to stop yourself crying as quickly as possible esp out in public. i get wanting to be left alone. its abit of a balance isnt it between wanting supports but wanting to be left alone.
your night sounds like a good way to unwind. uni sounds abit stressful atm though, but im sure youll get through it. i think your doing pretty well even though its so tough.
Thanks @scared01 Yes it is definitely a balance...like I want help and some days I get so desperate that I just daydream for ages about being hospitalised (which I know is bad of me), but at the same time when people irl try to help nobody ever seems to really ease the pain. And I want to be hugged and comforted but when people touch me it feels really terrible and I just want it to stop.
I honestly dont know if I will get through this year, but I do still appreciate your confidence in me
im not sure if ive meantioned it but sometimes i daydream about being in a hospital setting too, a time for me to be taken care of rather then be the carer. i dont think theres anything wrong with wanting help and love and support.
take each day as it come, i already know your doing the best you can but pease keep reaching out for help even with the teachers if you need
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