cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Scary Father

My dad scares me. He yells at all of us for the littlest things. To him everyone has an attitude that needs fixing and he will yell at us for that as well. He calls us terrible names and threatens to hurt us when he is especially angry. He has weird mood swings and to be honest, I hate him. My brothers and I have told him we are scared of him, and he yelled at us, telling us that it was stupid. He shouts at my brother the most. Does anyone have any advice that might help me? 

Re: Scary Father

Hi DoubleDipped,

Welcome to Reachout. I'm really sorry to hear that you're scared. Smiley Sad But it was really brave of you to come here and ask for help. I'm glad you are here. Smiley Happy

No-one should make you feel scared, or threaten you. No-one.

Is there another adult in your life who you trust who you think you could talk to about the way your dad is behaving towards you and your brothers? Either a family member, or maybe a teacher? It can be really helpful to know that you have someone you can talk to.

If you're not able to think of someone you can talk to in person, you can call Kid's Help Line, they are open 24/7 and a counsellor there could talk to you about what's going on and help you decide what you'd like to do. Even if you just want someone to listen and be there for you - you can call them.

Also, if you get scared for your safety, (or your brothers safety), please ring 000 for help, or go to our emergency help section to find out your other options for help. Remember that you don’t have to solve this on your own, ok? There are people out there who can help.
And of course, if you want online support and a friendly ear, we are here to listen too. Smiley Happy

 

blithe

Re: Scary Father

Hi there

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. It's not right to feel scared in your own home and around your own family.

Blithe has given some great advice but I also wanted to alert you to another helpline which deals with domestic violence and abuse - 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732). I've heard great things about that helpline, so I'd really recommend giving them a call.

I'd also recommend talking to someone, like blithe suggested - another family member or family friend about what is happening. I am not sure if you at school/uni/tafe but if you are they also have counsellors available which I'd highly recommend.

Take care of yourself and please don't believe the terrible abuse your father throws at you.

MM.

Re: Scary Father

hey,

I am so sorry to here about what is going on with your father, 

like blithe and MM I really really recomend that you talk to someone about whats going on. Home is were you are supposed to feel safe, and it is just utterly unacceptable that you father is making you and your brother feel scared. It can sometimes be really hard to feel good about yourself when someone is yelling and putting you down all the time, so it may be really helpful to talk to someone about whats going on. I'd also recomend you talk to your brothers, about what's going on with your father and that they are okay, and encorage them to tell someone else as well.

 

Do you have a next door nieghboor, or friend who lives close by who you may be able to go to when your father has a mood swing? Although you shouldn't have to, sometimes you may feel like you have to get out of your house, and it is much much better to do that, when you know you have someone go to and talk to. We're also all here if you need to talk as well

 

 

 

 

Re: Scary Father

Heylo Rookie ;D

Okay, first up. Don't hate your father!!!!!!!!!! Smiley Very Happy Yeah dude he's one of a kind but it's important to respect your father cuz he brought u with ur mom ;D to this world! ehheh sorry, not trying to hold a PD lesson here! LOL

N e ways, by the looks your dad got mood swings. It's up to you and your bros to be patient, don't back chat (if u guys do! ;d ) cuz that will make matters worse, say nothing when he yells at you cuz it's better to be silent than talk your mouth off! Smiley Happy

My best advice is to be patient, try to cool out ur dad, try to avoid doing stuff he dislikes. Show how much you love him, though it's hard to express in ur situation! Smiley Happy

People who are experiencing anger -  i believe the show of love will change some dirty spots! Smiley Very Happy

~ Doni99 (Your R.O homey)

Re: Scary Father

Hi DoubleDipped — this sounds like a really uncomfortable situation you're in. For about ten years of growing up I felt anxious when my father was around. He would verbally lash out for what seemed like no reason and made me uncomfortable when he was around. It was never something that was my fault; I think he just had other pressures I didn't understand and so I'd bare the brunt of it.

 

Since I feel like I understand what you're going through, let me be clear something: his behaviour is not your fault and not your responsibility; don't take that on board or feel like it's something you have to tolerate. You're entitled to live without fear.

 

What would be really handy for you right now is to develop some strategies for managing the conflict you're experiencing at home, as well as strategies for coping with the feelings that come from that conflict. There's some great advice on this site for that. Since your father isn't the last person in the world you'll come across who behaves that way, those skills can be incredibly valuable for minimising and reducing how much you have to deal with your father's mood swings, and for making sure that you can remain in control of your own feelings when you do have to deal with him.

 

In my own personal situation, my dad later broke down and expressed how he regretted his behaviour towards me when I was younger, acknowledging that it had severely impacted on the relationship we had. It took another ten years but we eventually managed to build a new father-son relationship that was healthy and respectful. I consider myself pretty lucky that things ended up this way for my dad and I, but I can tell you that a big part of it was because I'd learned how to manage conflict, as well as the feelings caused by those conflicts.

 

Hope you an stick around and let us know how you get on.

Re: Scary Father

Thanks guys. All of this stuff really helped. I've talked to my mother about it and now my parents are going to counseling (don't know how to spell it but oh well) and they're trying fix everything up. It hasn't gotten much better but it's hopefully on its way. So thankyou.

Re: Scary Father

HI DoubleDipped,

Nice to hear from you again, and I'm so glad that you were able to talk to your mum and some progress has been made. Smiley Happy

Hope you stay in touch!

blithe

Re: Scary Father

That's great to hear  . Keep us updated on how things go for you. Smiley Happy