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Self blame (victim)

I can’t stop self blaming I’m a victim I can’t see that the trauma I’ve been through isn’t my fault and I can’t look at from a survivors point of view because I don’t feel like I’m a survivor I feel a victim vulnerable needs care love and most importantly protect can anybody relate or help me stop self blaming 

Re: Self blame (victim)

Hi @gmusicj!

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. Smiley Sad You sound like you've been through so much. I know you don't see yourself as a survivor, but I do. The fact that you are still here despite experiencing trauma shows that you're a resilient person and that there's a lot of fight in you. Reaching out on the forums also shows that you want to improve your mental health. You are an amazing person who is trying your best to manage some really tough circumstances. It's okay to have good and bad days and to want to feel comforted and cared for. I have also experienced trauma and can relate to feelings of shame and self-blame and I still experience them from time to time. Heart

Your trauma will likely always be a part of you, but I hope that it will get smaller with the right support. Something that helped me was having good supports. Do you see a psychologist or counsellor?

Re: Self blame (victim)

I see a psychologist and consular but feel like my life is worth it 

Re: Self blame (victim)

@gmusicj  It's great that you see a psychologist and counsellor. Smiley Happy Would you be comfortable asking them if they have any strategies for managing self-blame?

Something that has helped me is thinking of what I would tell a friend who is going through a similar situation. We tend to be our own worst critic and tend to be kinder to our friends then ourselves. Has this helped you?

Re: Self blame (victim)

I don’t understand what being a survivor is because I still feel like a victim and I don’t understand what’s happened trauma is my way it’s not the first time my heads been effected badly by trauma  

Re: Self blame (victim)

Hey @gmusicj, I agree 100% with @WheresMySquishy in that I also see you as a survivor over a victim! The fact that you are still here means you have fought, have survived and are STILL surviving whatever has happened in your past and you reaching out here for support is honestly amazing to see. Reaching out for help I think is one of the hardest things to do that requires immense strength and that is something you have done here and with both your psychologist AND counselor.

Personally I think something else that differentiates you from a victim is that instead of merely focusing on all the bad things and doing nothing about it, you are actively trying to get better by asking for help and still persevering despite everything. To me that is more than a survivor and it is so respectful to see <3

Do you think you could talk to your psychologist about how you're having trouble seeing yourself as a survivor rather than as a victim?

Re: Self blame (victim)

Hey @gmusicj,
I can completely relate.
I blame myself for a lot of things too, but I don’t really know any way of helping.

Just know that I’m here for you and struggling with you. I do promise everything will start to get better slowly. Please hold on.

Re: Self blame (victim)

It’s so hard and I constantly feel like I’m gonna have another anxiety attack I’m done dealing with my anxiety alone 

Re: Self blame (victim)

Hey @gmusicj ,

 

Have you tried writing about how you're feeling? As in just taking a pen and pouring your soul out into a journal. This approach has helped me calm down when I feel like I'm on the verge of an anxiety attack, it may help you as well. 

 

If you do choose to try this out, don't think too much about what you're going to write (don't bother with punctuation/grammar/spelling), just write whatever words/thoughts come into your mind at that moment - kinda like word vomit.

Re: Self blame (victim)

I don’t know how to write when I’m self blaming I sure hope medication works