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Sexuality problems

Hey. I’m new here, and not just to this forum, but also to talking to people about problems I’m having. I guess I’m doing this to take my first step towards feeling better – right now I feel like crap.

 

To sum up my problem, I’m gay and all of my friends hold the belief that gay people are horrible and disgusting (and by no means do I think that! It’s just that I had to say that so that you, whoever is reading this, have a better understanding of what I’m struggling with).

 

I’m really apprehensive about this whole thing. I’ve been isolated completely from people who would hypothetically support me if I came out for years. I’m 16 years old and attend a religious high school; I just finished Year 10. I don’t know if what I’m doing will help or not, but I’ve got nothing to lose at this point. I've been pondering whether or not to open up for the last few weeks, so here it goes.

 

*warning* – my writing below will probably be very messy & I won’t want to clean it up once I’m done.

 

I’ve always felt that I was quite different from the friends I’ve had around me. From the day I started schooling, I was always the most reserved and private person. I’m still that person, but I have gotten worse since discovering that I’m gay. I’ve kind of suppressed and molded myself into a person that is acceptable to my peers. In Year 7, I noticed that I got some looks, so I toned down myself. And in Year 8, it continued. I’m now in Year 10 and I’m frustrated. I want to have a strong relationship, make friends and be able to let down the guard I uphold every day. I know that if I come out as gay, I will lose all of my friends. I don’t want that. They’re nice people, and I enjoy their company, but I can’t stand them when it comes to LGBTQ+ issues. I don’t make a scene about it though, because it will just complicate my schooling life. So, I’m trapped, and I’ve come to accept that. All I’m looking for on this forum are people that I can talk to, become friends with, and feel comfortable with. I don’t have siblings and unfortunately my friends are the ones who would hate me for who I am.  

 

I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I want to meet someone who I can be my actual self with. I feel so stupid writing about all this – my problems aren’t nearly to the scale that others face every day.  I’ve just got so many questions bouncing around my head all the time.

 

What do I do Smiley Sad?

Together with ACON, ReachOut.com worked with a bunch of talented filmmakers and storytellers to produce 5 digital stories. Our storytellers share their own experiences in coming to terms with their sexuality and/or gender, and what they wish they knew then, that they know now. These stories ...

Re: Sexuality problems

@unwind welcome to the forums and you are definitely not stupid for writing here.

 

The articles section of Reach Out have experiences of young people who have experienced these feelings and how they dealt with them. 

 

I particularly liked this video by comedian Rhys Nicholson about this! Maybe it'll make you smile as it did me? Smiley Happy

 

Freedom Stories: It gets boring

 

 

Re: Sexuality problems

Hi, welcome and it's nice to meet you Smiley Happy

 

I'm really sorry your friends hold those attitudes Smiley Sad it must be really hard having to hide part of who you are.

 

I think it's really brave that you're starting to open up by writing this, and want to let you know that here we accept you fully without judgement. I'm so sorry you're in a situation where you feel you wouldn't be supported if you let those irl see your true self, because you definitely deserve to be accepted as you are. If it's any consolation as you get older and your world broadens you'll meet people who are more open and accepting, but I know that probably doesn't help much right now. Is there are way for you to connect with other people who are less likely to have these attitudes? Maybe a social or sporting club/ activity that isn't connected to a religious group? 

 

You seem like a really kind and empathetic person the way you've mentioned positive things you appreciate about your friends even though they have really harmful attitudes about something important to you. I think your friends are really lucky to have you Smiley Happy

 

It's entirely up to you when, if and who you share all this with. It sounds tricky and like there's not a simple answer. Thank you for sharing it with us though, and we're with you 100% and here to support you.

Re: Sexuality problems

Hey @unwind,

 

Welcome Smiley Happy It's so brave of you to reach out and we're glad you have!

 

As @hellofriend said, it must be so hard to hide who you are and deal with friends who aren't supportive. I definitely want to second that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay and you deserve to feel supported and comfortable regardless of your sexuality. 

 

How do you feel about @hellofriend's suggestion of connecting with people who are more likely to be supportive? When I was struggling with finding likeminded friends, I joined a local soccer team that had a range of people, including people who identified as LGBTQ+. For me, this was a really great way to build connections with people who I knew I could comfortably be myself around. 

 

You can definitely be yourself around here and I'm sure there's some other members who will pop in and offer their support as well Smiley Happy 

Re: Sexuality problems


@dncinginthedirt wrote:

@unwind welcome to the forums and you are definitely not stupid for writing here.

 

The articles section of Reach Out have experiences of young people who have experienced these feelings and how they dealt with them. 

 

I particularly liked this video by comedian Rhys Nicholson about this! Maybe it'll make you smile as it did me? Smiley Happy

 

Freedom Stories: It gets boring

 

 


Thanks for referring me to the articles section - it has really helped. Also, that video did make me smile and helped me put things into perspective, thank you Smiley Happy

Re: Sexuality problems


@hellofriend wrote:

Hi, welcome and it's nice to meet you Smiley Happy

 

I'm really sorry your friends hold those attitudes Smiley Sad it must be really hard having to hide part of who you are.

 

I think it's really brave that you're starting to open up by writing this, and want to let you know that here we accept you fully without judgement. I'm so sorry you're in a situation where you feel you wouldn't be supported if you let those irl see your true self, because you definitely deserve to be accepted as you are. If it's any consolation as you get older and your world broadens you'll meet people who are more open and accepting, but I know that probably doesn't help much right now. Is there are way for you to connect with other people who are less likely to have these attitudes? Maybe a social or sporting club/ activity that isn't connected to a religious group? 

 

You seem like a really kind and empathetic person the way you've mentioned positive things you appreciate about your friends even though they have really harmful attitudes about something important to you. I think your friends are really lucky to have you Smiley Happy

 

It's entirely up to you when, if and who you share all this with. It sounds tricky and like there's not a simple answer. Thank you for sharing it with us though, and we're with you 100% and here to support you.


I know this sounds crazy to say, but sometimes I feel like no one is accepting of me. I know it isn't true at all, and that Australia in general is a great country in support of all. It is just very, very hard to see those accepting views reflected in a school where it being gay is such a negative thing.

 

I've started to expand my social circles, but I'm just so apprehensive about saying anything. I guess it's kinda my default - hopefully I'll build up that courage soon, I'm trying really hard.

 

Also, you've really made my day. I've never seen myself in the way that you presented, so thank you for the kind words.

Re: Sexuality problems


@Sunflower18 wrote:

Hey @unwind,

 

Welcome Smiley Happy It's so brave of you to reach out and we're glad you have!

 

As @hellofriend said, it must be so hard to hide who you are and deal with friends who aren't supportive. I definitely want to second that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay and you deserve to feel supported and comfortable regardless of your sexuality. 

 

How do you feel about @hellofriend's suggestion of connecting with people who are more likely to be supportive? When I was struggling with finding likeminded friends, I joined a local soccer team that had a range of people, including people who identified as LGBTQ+. For me, this was a really great way to build connections with people who I knew I could comfortably be myself around. 

 

You can definitely be yourself around here and I'm sure there's some other members who will pop in and offer their support as well Smiley Happy 


Thank you for your support, it's nice to find that after some time.

 

And yeah, I am trying to build connections with other people, so far it's going alright. I'm just finding it hard to believe that people are actually accepting, if you can believe it Smiley LOL

 

I'm definitely going to start contributing around here and talking to others - I've been surfing around this forum for too long! Smiley Happy

Re: Sexuality problems

Hey @unwind, I just wanted to quickly check in and ask how you’re going. From your posts to us so far you sound like a really nice person. I’m looking forward to getting to know you more on the forums Smiley Happy
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Hope is just around the corner; you think it's not there when you first look straight ahead, but it actually is when you turn around

Re: Sexuality problems

Thank you for checking in on me. I'm doing well today at least, being Christmas. I mainly spent the day with family & there were no dramas for the first time in a while!!

As coincidental as the timing is, my family actually talked about LGBTQ+ relationships in a round-about way. Everyone seemed to be really calm about it, which tbh I expected, but I just don't want to give my parents the burden of keeping it from my friends + others from school.

But anyways, it was nice to meet you Smiley Very Happy

Re: Sexuality problems

It’s nice to meet you too @unwind! You’ve mentioned that you don’t want to give your parents the burden of keeping it away from your friends and others from school, but is there another family member you could reach out about this?
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Hope is just around the corner; you think it's not there when you first look straight ahead, but it actually is when you turn around