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Re: Sinking again

everyone is different @DruidChild some take longers to heal from certain things than others. im glad no medical attention is needed. what are your plans for the rest of the evening?
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: Sinking again

That's true @scared01, something that I discussed recently in the context of my bpd/traits diagnosis is that I have a tendency to feel things very intensely and deeply. 

I'm going to go to bed very soon, should get an early ish night since I have more class tomorrow.

Re: Sinking again

same as me @DruidChild i have bpd too and is one of the harder traits. cant say water off a ducks back in our case it seems! have to feel everything :/


an early night sounds good, i wont be far off going to bed myself
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: Sinking again

Yes exactly @scared01. I once heard bpd described as similar to having third degree burns over your entire body - every tiny movement or touch can cause extreme pain. 

I hope you have a restful night Heart

Re: Sinking again

yep @DruidChild thats a pretty good description!

i hope the rest of your nights ok, im heading off for the night Heart
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: Sinking again

Hey @DruidChild Thank you for letting me know. Don't worry about the counsellor judging you, there's such an intense level of training and self-work for counsellors, a good practitioner will not judge. It's very important you have a voice in this narrative. Does your counsellor know you feel this way? I am logging off soon but look forward to hearing from you.

Re: Sinking again (TW)

My counsellor knows about some of the grief I feel about this friend @Bree-RO, I haven't really spoken about it in the last few weeks though. I will try to bring it up at my appointment on Monday. 

I wrote this yesterday (I edited out a couple things, lmk if anything else needs removing though!): 

 

This is the softest thing I can think of:

I dream of us sailing to the end of the earth 
then dropping off the edge into blue. 
You left a wound in me I cannot heal,
I am not quite Tristan
and you lack Isolde's adulterous leanings
but we are still close enough to sting.
In the dream you are sucking your dyed hair
as though you are hungry for toxins.
I watch myself spinning down
the universe's plug hole with your rinsed out hair dye.
I picture us always as lovers constructed from tragedy
manning the sails of our suicides.
Been missing you like the shored sailor misses the sea -
always, and aching.

 

I had such a confusing and overwhelming day tbh. The sadness, anxiety, self loathing, it's a lot. Lately the first thought I have every morning when I wake up is 'I want to kill myself. I can't do this.' 

Re: Sinking again

Hi @DruidChild thank you for sharing what you wrote yesterday and for being mindful of the wording. You write beautifully and have a natural talent. It sounds like you have been struggling with your thoughts each morning and I wanted to check that you are okay and able to keep safe? It's great that you are getting some support from your Counsellor on Monday.  Just wanted to let you know I've included a trigger warning just so others know the content may be triggering for them. We're here for you Heart

Re: Sinking again

Thank you @Lan-RO, writing helps. And thanks for adding the tw, I forgot this thread didn't have one yet. I'll be safe tonight, I'm going to go to bed pretty soon. Just feeling sad I guess. 

Re: Sinking again

hi @DruidChild how are you going today? Heart
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**