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Re: Sinking again

(sorry that was an unhelpful reply @DruidChild)

Do you have anything else planned for tonight that you can use to help?
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Guess what day it was!!! It was Wear It Purple Day!! Come on over and learn all about what it is and what you can still do!

Re: Sinking again

It wasn't unhelpful @N1ghtW1ng, I'd just stepped away to eat dinner so I didn't reply is all Smiley Happy It's not open atm, I'm tossing up whether to go in tomorrow. I've been watching brooklyn 99 and am probably going to go to bed soon. Just trying not to think too much because when I start thinking I start wanting to hurt myself. 

Re: Sinking again

Hey @DruidChild I'm sorry to read that you've been having a tough time lately. I think it's great that you've been able to enjoy dinner, listen to some tunes and watch Brooklyn 99 tonight... Maybe it is worth going in tomorrow, if you're pretty concerned re. the ED stuff, at least then you've chatted to someone about it, had it checked and can go from there Heart

Re: Sinking again

Just wanted to check in and see how you are going today @DruidChild? Sending lots of kind thoughts your way Heart



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Re: Sinking again

That's alright @DruidChild Smiley Happy Brooklyn 99 is a great way to spend your evening, I hope you had a good night Smiley Happy

Did you end up going in today?
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Guess what day it was!!! It was Wear It Purple Day!! Come on over and learn all about what it is and what you can still do!

Re: Sinking again

Hey @DruidChild I don't really know what to say I'm sorry. But I'm thinking of you and giving you virtual hug/fist bump/what makes you feel loved/better
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: Sinking again

Thanks everyone. Heart I think I'm just going to wait until my gp is back re the ED stuff, I'm sure it's not a big deal. I've got a ton of study to do today and then I have to go pick up my brother from school. I don't know how to things; I feel so overwhelmed by grief and self loathing. 

 

Re: Sinking again

hugs @DruidChild Heart
i hope your studying goes well, maybe itll give your mind a rest from your worries for a little while..
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: Sinking again

I'm sorry to just like...complain at everyone again. Tonight's just really painful. Today at the bus stop this guy was hitting on me and asking like where I lived and stuff so I faked a phone call from a 'boyfriend' so he'd leave me alone. Knowing I didn't have anyone to actually call made me think about how alone I really am and how everybody leaves. It's always just me against the danger and the sickening reality of being alive. I don't understand what it is in me that is so cold and pathetic and broken and...leave-able. 

 

At night I dream about being a child who was saved. I dream about being an adult who feels loved. Each day I wake up into another dawn as empty as my eyes and I stare at all the remains of my self destruction and I cry and cry and cry. I try to name five sounds, five sights, five smells, to stop myself crumpling to the ground in the bathroom and screaming because I can still feel It in my body and I can't even remember and nobody ever believes me and I don't even believe myself but somehow it hurts. 

 

And nobody's ever on the other end of the phone call. Nobody ever picks up. I'm too fucked up and broken to be here anymore. 

 

I want to wake up for real. I want the nightmare to be over. I want to know what happens when we die. I'm safe for tonight and all that it's just...so lonely. Life is so lonely. 

Re: Sinking again

@DruidChild I am sorry you are feeling so bad being lonely is horrible and it really hurts. it is also really hard to make and keep friends when you have mental health issues for some reason well in my experience anyway it seems to repel people and make them leave even when you havent done anything wrong. it is hard and exhausting but try and remember you are not totally alone i care even if i am not good and responding much and i am sure many others here care about you too. i know it isnt the same as having someone there irl but maybe it is something at least. is there anything relaxing you can do to try and feel a bit better or maybe even just try and sleep sometimes that can help...