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Re: Sinking again

In mine too @scared01! Smiley Happy 

Sure, I'm 20 (a couple of months off 21). I'm planning on living with my family until I graduate even though I'm over 18 since I'm not well enough to work to support myself while I study full time. 

Re: Sinking again

thats great @DruidChild it sounds like a good plan Smiley Happy i was always in a hurry to move out, couldnt make the time go fast enough! but its not quite what it was made out to be lol.
Was it nursing you were studying?
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: Sinking again

Are there things you like about living away from your mum @scared01? I imagine it's also complicated for you since you live with your pop and take care of him, right? 

 

Yes, I'm doing nursing! Once I graduate I want to move to a more regional or rural town and do paediatric or mental health nursing but any kind of nursing would be good. 

 

Re: Sinking again

Mostly its the space @DruidChild we were always arguing and my sisters were fighting like you couldnt beleive, now that we have breathing space (even though i see them heaps) we get along better.

Nursing is great and your aspirations sound wonderful, i do hope you can do what you wish to do, even if you start of doing something local then move up the ladder towards those dreams.
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: Sinking again

Hey @DruidChild, I am glad studying provided a distraction for you today. It is also really awesome that you are planning to stay safe and just riding it out until it is time for sleep. Nursing sounds like something you are really passionate about and is it great that you have some goals ahead. It isn't always something that is easy to figure out.

Re: Sinking again

hey @DruidChild how are you going today?
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: Sinking again

Thanks @scared01. I had a bit of a rough day. I feel so worthless all the time Smiley Sad Between that and ED stuff and having a bit of a panic attack when I went to get my blood tests it was a little tough. I nearly fainted in the pathology lab.

I'm already dreading waking up tomorrow. I can't stand being conscious right now. I'm trying really hard to focus on the future and on connecting with people who inspire me (mostly fictional characters!) to get through but idk the intrusive thoughts are strong and I'm tired and I just feel like I'd give up the future if it meant I could rest. 

(Also, I know you're having a tough time tonight - I'm just venting a bit, so please don't feel any pressure to reply right away or anything Heart )

Re: Sinking again

hey @DruidChild
im sorry about today it sounds real tough!
im not a fan of blood tests either (and have fainted in there before so now have to lay down) :-/ but you got through it and that is amazing Heart
I know your struggling and might not be thinking clearly but can you think of anything that might be helpful for you?
Do you think you can stay safe?

When are you able to speak to your gp and/or psychologist about your concerns about your ED? Some offline supports probably wouldnt go astray right about now.


http://www.sound-mind.org/obsessive-thinking.html#.W1r7u_ZuJMs

maybe this site will help?
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**

Re: Sinking again

Thanks @scared01 I'm sorry to hear blood tests are so hard for you too! I actually didn't get through it; the nurse made me lay down but then I kinda just left, I was too scared to let her finish the test and I was finding it hard to speak anyway. I hate that people can just do stuff to my body without explaining it or talking me through it; I know it's dumb and irrational and I'm way more informed than most and that I really, really need these blood tests because of my ED and the potential for electrolyte imbalance and heart failure and stuff but I hate it. And the nurse was kind of nasty about it all. When I came in she was like "Are you okay mentally this time?" and she told me I'd wasted her equipment and was wasting time when I had to lie down. It seems like me being alive just wastes taxpayer money. 

 

I honestly don't know. I feel insane. I feel like I've lost it. I just want to sleep. I've already given in to self harm and ED stuff but apart from that I'm safe, thank you. 

My gp is still away but I see my counsellor on Monday. I'm on a waiting list to do a DBT program but it could be 6 months-a year before I get in and meantime feel like my ED stuff is getting worse again. 

 

I'm sorry - I know that venting is super unhelpful for everyone. That website looks really helpful and I'll check it out properly now, thank you Heart

Re: Sinking again

@DruidChild
do you need any medical assitance at all?
**NEVER be afraid to ask for help because you're WORTH it!**