Sisters
I went home for the weekend which was really lovely. I'm glad I went, I got to see a good friend from Adelaide and my close friend who I don't see very often because I've moved.
I've had many problems over the years with my sister. But I've been trying really hard this year to not let her get to me as much anymore. Well I think I may have been supressing some of it. I left flying out the door yelling and swearing at my sister, while balling my eyes out. She was supposed to drop me off at the train station, but I asked my Dad too instead.
She's very self centred and my parents weren't impressed with her today either. She was supposed to drop me off, but she was late, so I missed my train. But that wasn't what set me off, my reaction is basically all my built up effort of trying to forgive her constantly and me feeling like I've been wasting my time.
I'll definitely have to bring it up with my psychologist in my next e-mail to her. But it's been an absolutely awful day for me. I've been making real progress in my general well being and today I have been pretty paralyzed. I was supposed to do uni work, but it didn't happen. I know I will probably regret it. Oh well.
Yes I know I should probably try talking to her at some stage. But I've been reluctant, as it's so hard to penetrate her 'it's all about me' facade and actually get her to listen. She doesn't hear things and she doesn't get things or relate to things, unless they affect her in some way. It can make it difficult at times.
Comments
I feel you.
I used to play a lot with my sister, but now, we hardly talk. You could argue about how she's a junior in high school, but when it comes to my "friends", she talks to them more often, and even laughs.
I think most of us can relate to this kind of scenario.
I find my brother to be very self-centred too and it causes a fair bit of drama between us.
I do find that it helps that I don't live with him anymore so as Benny said, we have time to cool down after arguing. But really I just try to remember that everyone is different and even though I like helping others and try to put others first, he doesn't do that as much and that's just the way he is. It is something that might change as he matures but if not that's okay, because that's him. And I try to focus on the positives of him - he is funny and is loyal to his family. Can you try to think up some positives about your sister and focus on them?
I would definitely recommend talking to your psych about it.
Hope today is better. 🙂
Well I won't be seeing her again until October when I have to stay with her and my parents for 5 weeks. I thought she might try and send me a message or something to apologise, but she hasn't and I'm not surprised at all.
I want to let it go and leave it be, but the thing is I blew up in the first place because I haven't really dealt with her at all yet.
I do love her and I love spending time with her, but we clash badly with a lot of things. It's not going to be okay for a while.
Of course I can think of positives, which makes me feel better about her, but it's beyond that.
MM...today was actually a pretty terrible day for me. I still felt really upset about what happened between us and it's affected my uni work and well one thing, after another kept happening to make the day even worse!!
I feel a bit blurgh now...but we will see.
Hey Sagira,
I'm really sorry to hear you've had such a bad day 😞
Siblings (sigh) - they really are the most complex, frustrating and sometimes wonderful relationships aren't they. But they are never simple and stress-free that's for sure.
I have a similarly complex relationship with my brother - we are quite close, but he is also the person that can irritate me more than anyone else I know (and I suspect I can irritate him as well). But what I find when we have a bit of a blow-up (like you had with your sister today) is that the best thing to do is just stay clear of each other for a few days or a week or two if need be. Let things cool down - but don't leave it so long that a rift can start to develop between you. Even if you and your sister don't really see eye to eye, its probably best for the sake of your family that you try to at least have an amicable relationship with her.
Anyway, that's what I think. But I tomorrow proves to be a much happier and productive day for you!
Hi Sagira
Sounds like another rough day. It's good that you've vented and are trying to resolve this with your sister. I think I my sister sounds like yours sometimes. Like when I want her to do something she's hearing me but she's not listening and that's part of my frustration as well. Agreeing with BennyW with the definition of siblings - complex, frustrating and sometimes wonderful creatures. hahahaha I guess because we know each other well we know what really makes the other angry. We mainly resolve our problems by giving it a bit of time and silence. Silence is good for the soul. We'll avoid each other for a bit then one of us will decide it's over and start talking again and that's when it's all good again. Till the next time. hahahaha
Hope you have a better tomorrow then !
@fosterthepeople wrote:Hi Sagira
Sounds like another rough day. It's good that you've vented and are trying to resolve this with your sister. I think I my sister sounds like yours sometimes. Like when I want her to do something she's hearing me but she's not listening and that's part of my frustration as well. Agreeing with BennyW with the definition of siblings - complex, frustrating and sometimes wonderful creatures. hahahaha I guess because we know each other well we know what really makes the other angry. We mainly resolve our problems by giving it a bit of time and silence. Silence is good for the soul. We'll avoid each other for a bit then one of us will decide it's over and start talking again and that's when it's all good again. Till the next time. hahahaha
Hope you have a better tomorrow then !
Well...today was again, even worse then yesterday!! I ended up totally losing it at the end of my tute at uni. Balled my eyes out. So stressed and overwhelmed and what happened with my sister hasn't helped my mood. But yes...I seriously hope tomorrow turns around, because this week has been pretty awful for me. I went to sleep at 6:30pm, I was so drained and exhausted. Well an hours sleep to revive is better then nothing I suppose. I would have preferred had a slept the whole way through.
Sorry guys I don't mean to whinge...it's just been a rough few days for me and I've been trying really hard to turn my life around. And it's working and helping, but it's been a bit of a set back these last few days.
I know what you mean about 'hearing but not listening'. Mine does that too. It's so hard when you're really trying hard to tell them sometimes. I don't know if the silence will work for me. But we will see.
Hi Sagira
That's unfortunate it was worse. Stay strong won't you. Try not to let it get the best of you. I know when my sister and I argue we can be pretty recklessly vicious. It sometimes lasts for a lot longer than it should. Even when I'm heaps mad at her I know that eventually things will get better. And when it is heaps better I look back and think how small the problem was - which it usually was. Sometimes it's kind of funny how the slightest thing can really get you all riled up. But when you're all riled up it's kinda the last thing you're thinking about - resolving the tift. Staying angry makes me tired as well. After crying I'm like heaps exhausted. Even after watching sad movies like the Notebook and crying so much I fall asleep like a baby. Sorry I think I got a bit off topic. I think the silent treatment helped us because it just made things really awkward. Like we live in a 2 bedroom house. We're eventually going to have to cross paths and talk. It might not work for everyone. But good luck !
Hope the sleep gets you energised to jump a few more hurdles.
Hi Sagira,
I'm so sorry you're having a rough time 😞
Don't ever feel the need to apologise for sharing your stories with us - it's not whinging, this is what RO is all about! 🙂
I had a really tempestuous relationship with my sister growing up - actually after I was about 10 till my early 20s I'd say we barely had a relationship. I can't say it would work for you, but what really worked well for us was letter/email-writing. Conversations in person or on the phone can get very heated very quickly - and it seems that it's that way between you two.
The reason my sister and I found letter-writing worked was because we could finally share things with each other and we each had the time to digest it - we shared secrets and emotions we'd never shared before and it really helped us to understand each other so much better.
Like I say, not sure if that will work for you, but thought I'd mention it.
JDx
Thanks for the kind words and feedback fosterthepeople and JD, I really, really appreciate it. ^_^
My week has turned around. Which is nice. I had a ‘me’ day today. I have physics midterm on Tuesday to study for, but I felt like my mental health needed some TLC, so I’ll have to do some number crunching tomorrow.
I did hit a point yesterday morning though, where I was so filled with anxiety that it made me so frustrated, agitated and angry. I was walking to uni and I could just feel it all vibrating through my body, like it was emanating from an orb within my abdomen. I started to get really tense and sort of aggressive with myself, because all I wanted to do was rip at my body and pull it out and throw it as far away as I could. I started crying out in frustration, it was sort of like total helplessness.
Glad to say I didn’t let it linger too long and really focused on my mindfulness. Helps me so much when I start letting feelings like that take control of me.
@fosterthepeople YES…like you said…I have been absolutely exhausted all week. Needing to hit the sack around 8:30pm every night.
@JD As you said…phone convos can get heated, I know it wouldn’t work for us at all. That’s actually a pretty good idea. Thanks for the suggestion. I write a lot, so she wouldn’t be surprised if I handed her a letter. I don’t know if I’m ready for it yet though. I need to try and figure out what I want out of it.
A 'me' day sounds really nice at the moment. Uni is stressing me out now as well. Hope your Physics thing today went well.
@fosterthepeople wrote:A 'me' day sounds really nice at the moment. Uni is stressing me out now as well. Hope your Physics thing today went well.
🙂 Do it, you will feel much better off for it. But don't have thoughts of...oh I 'should be' doing something else. It will ruin it!!
Why thank you fosterthepeople, my exam went okay. I passed it, but don't know how well!! Half the questions I was tossing up between two answers, so it depends how many I got right.
I really don't like those kinds of questions in exams. They make me feel really uneasy and unsure of myself. If only examples were as straight forward.
I'm not sure what a 'me' day for me would be like. I think I should write up a list of things I might like to do, like explore the city or go op-shopping or something. Maybe try a delicious eatery.
@fosterthepeople wrote:I really don't like those kinds of questions in exams. They make me feel really uneasy and unsure of myself. If only examples were as straight forward.
I'm not sure what a 'me' day for me would be like. I think I should write up a list of things I might like to do, like explore the city or go op-shopping or something. Maybe try a delicious eatery.
I'm exactly the same way. Althuogh unfortunately that's pretty much how my whole degree is graded.
You should definitely do all of those things. It's about doing it, because you can and nurturing yourself.
And in regards to my sister. My psych helped me realise a lot of things about myself today that I never really noticed. It's a power thing for me. Anyone who tells me what to do, or tries to dominate over me (like my sister, lecturers etc) it affects me on a truly, truly deep level because of all the conditioning my mind has been doing over the years to cope with the situations. Which is in fact not coping. I have a few things I need to work on...she said it took 4 years for her to completely master them!! But the thing is...reconditioning your mind takes time.
Hmmm...anyway, at least I have a better understanding of where it's coming from. It's all a bit complex!!
@Jay-Dee wrote:
so glad to hear your week has turned around and that you're able to use mindfulness to help out with the anxiety attacks - must feel good to be able to take back control, even just a little.
🙂 Thanks JD! It's all so much better now. I mean I know it's there in the background, but I don't think it will bother me so much this week. We will see.
