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So I guess I'm not trying hard enough

So I've been told I'm incredibly stubborn. Professionals in that past tried to help me, but I pushed back. I like doing things my way. They find it problematic. There's no point in trying to seek treatment if in the end I get nowhere. Fighting and pointless arguments. People make me angry. I don't trust easily. Sometimes I feel like I'm being too controlled. I know the problem lies in me. I'm hot headed and stubborn.

So now I'm thinking it through. Maybe I was never cut out to be a client. Maybe my problems are all exaggerated in my mind, and I should learn to minimise the intensity of my emotions. Everyone has mood swings. People can handle their own lives, they cope with stressors. Why can't I be the same? I guess I'm to blame.

Re: So I guess I'm not trying hard enough

Hey Creativegirl12, I don't think you're to blame. People cope with life and their stressors in different ways. We all have learn and keep finding ways to make it better. You say you're stubborn and recognising and acknowledging that is a big step. The next time you feel resistance, you can stop and think about that and consider how to proceed. Don't give up. There is always another way.

Re: So I guess I'm not trying hard enough

@Creativegirl12 it's really good to be self-aware and know your strengths and weaknesses - in your post it seems like you're making a good effort to figure out patterns in your emotions and where your problems lie.

 

Getting help from others for your concerns is a really brave step that everyone is encouraged to make. You're definitely not alone in feeling like you can't handle mood swings entirely on your own. Ultimately, you want to handle them better on your own, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't ever learn from others Smiley Happy 

Re: So I guess I'm not trying hard enough

Hey @Creativegirl12

You are not to blame, you are very self aware and that is a good thing. I think you need to find a professional that you feel comfortable with and someone that doesn't find you problematic or that you feel angry with.

A client is not meant to make the counsellor feel better or their job easier, as a client you are supposed to feel supported and listened to and if you are not getting that then you are not the problem.

Keep in mind people handle issues and stressors differently and you just need to find what works for you, there is no one size fits all.

Stay strong, you can get through this Smiley Happy
_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**

Re: So I guess I'm not trying hard enough

Hey @Creativegirl12
As a client, you have to be you. Don't give up on seeking treatment though. What kinds of things do they suggest that you don't want to do? Try taking your own twist on them.
Some people can cope with stressers, but not everyone. Sometimes those people aren't even coping, their hiding. It is always better seek help even if you think it isn't helping. If you keep seeking, you'll find the perfect way.
Minimising the intensity of your emotions isn't always a good thing. Through personal experience, I find it near impossible to keep all my emotions inside, calm and collected. Until it reaches a point where I can't and I basically explode with emotion. But now, I let it out in bursts. When I feel angry or sad or happy they can all be really intense so I give let it out and then contain it. With anger, this is a little harder depending on what you are like when you are angry. To let the anger out, I suggest kicking a beanbag, screaming into your pillow or throwing a few punches against your bed (or pillow which can help fluff it up for a good's night rest!).

Everyone is different. No one person is the same. You'll find people who share similar traits, appearances, but they are not the same. You can see the positives and even though you are struggling you can help others. Don't forget this. Use what you say to other people to help yourself as well. The most important person is you. And it's not selfish to think that either.

Let us know how you go.
N1ghtW1ng

Re: So I guess I'm not trying hard enough

I'm trying to figure it out. I've been strong willed and stubborn my entire life. But I felt it a bit more during the past year. I guess I was taking my anger out on other people. I went to my GP yesterday, sometimes the truth is hard, she's like you had people working with you but you got nowhere, because you need to put more effort in. I saw a psychologist and psychiatrist last year. Maybe I need to learn to be more open.

I'm not sure how much of it is me, and how much of it is not finding the right professional. My GP stressed that my old psychiatrist was very experienced. It's not that professional help has never helped me before. I just didn't get far with them last year.

I've tried minimizing the intensity in the past, it works for so long. It keeps me comfortable for a while, that's why I did it. I sort of went into denial.

Thanks for listening Smiley Happy.