cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

So stressed

I have like a million things running through my head this could take a while. Also in no particular order 

 

I hate how I'm reliant on meds. Currently off everything except a prn and I'm fucked. I'm psychotic, stressed, racing thoughts, delusional, paranoid, anxious, etc I could go on about the symptoms I have since I stopped my meds. My psychiatrist wants to monitor what I'm like off it and I want off it but it sucks. I suck. I hate being crazy. 

 

Uni. What if I don't cope and repeat last year. I nearly died last time I tried uni I had to quit coz of that. Starting again seems scary. I'm so excited but what if I let myself down. What if I fail. What if I can't cope. Anyway just your generic uni student freak out before semester starts. 

 

Going home from step up step down. I'm safe here, I have support here, I'm getting help. That probably stops tomorrow then I'm home dealing with the no med thing. 

 

Facing flashbacks the abuser, and dealing with the sexual assault by finally reporting it to the police which I'm most likely doing this week if I can stay safe. I'm so stressed about it but it needs to be done. 

 

Weight. God I don't know where to start with that,  I don't know if that's me or the ed talking but it really gets to me. I wish I could just never eat again. 

 

Scared I'm gonna go manic, like no meds, little sleep, stress, and other stuff that could lead to a manic episode. Like what if I have one and fuck up my chance of uni. 

 

Family and mum is stressing me out. Mum can get fuck but after everything she still contacts me. And the rest of my family apart from dad refuse to accept me as trans. It sucks. 

 

And gender dysphoria. It really fucking sucks. I hate how female I am. Just no, I'm a guy, when will everything catch up, when can I start hormones, have surgery etc. 

 

Aliens won't fuck off. I know that's probably to do with the Meds thing but it sucks. Why are they even in my life. 

 

Seeing CM  tomorrow. Things suck rn and I'm scared to tell her. Why. She my CM I'm usually really honest with her, I'm just scared. I don't know what to expect. 

 

Any way I'll stop now. I can't for coherent thoughts. My head is way too confused. I feel like crying. 

 

Anyway moral of story should not have stopped meds suddenly. I've come to the realisation I'll probably always need antipsychotics. Yeh I'm fucked 

 

I'll have a shower to calm down and maybe try to sleep. I don't know how else to deal. Too fucked in the head rn 

 

(Also @Bree-RO)

===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: So stressed

Hey @redhead well done on Journalling that out. That was a fair bit I am glad you got to break it down. I know to you that all seems like a lot, but I think tomorrow if you're up to it revisit the list with fresh eyes. I don't want to go into it now as it's late and ruminating at this hour just takes you further away from the answers, but I will say every single point in that post came back to fear. So if you look at it that way - it's one primary issue, being fear. It's understandable to feel this way, we all deal with this emotion; but it most certainly is something you can get on top of.

 

I totally have faith that you will be able to keep on track back in Accom, I think the key thing is though to talk to your CM tomorrow about how scary this is for you. Also continue to use Laurel House and as always have a good chat with the crew here on ReachOut. You're not alone in this Heart Will tag some other members, I have to log off but will check in tomorrow.

Re: So stressed

Hey @redhead. Sorry to hear about whats going on. Hope your feeling a bit better now. I'm always around if you need advice

Re: So stressed

How are you going with this all today @redhead? Sounds like a lot, we're here for you <3

Highlighted

Re: So stressed

I can't deal with anything. I spoke to my psychologist about seeing her next week, she said she would let me know if there's a cancellation. I spoke to CM about a lot of this stuff.
There's nothing that can really be done til I see my psychiatrist and get back on antipsychotics.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: So stressed

That sucks about the waiting list, hopefully something comes up for you @redhead! When are you able to see your psychiatrist next? I can see that you have been dealing with a number of things at the moment so how are you feeling about managing in the meantime given you've spoken to your CM who you are quite upfront with?
—————————

Whether you think you can or think you can’t, either way you are right.
– Henry Ford

Re: So stressed

@T4ils I see my psychiatrist on 10 days. My CM says she will touch base with me every day. I also now have access to prn for the mean time.
I'm going to try and have a busy week and use the strategies on my safety plan.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: So stressed

Hey @redhead, the strength you have shown throughout all of this is amazing. Please take care, we’re all thinking of you Heart

Re: So stressed

Ahh so awesome that she is able to keep in contact with you every day @redhead. I am glad to hear that you have a few supports to touch base with. Let us know if there is anything else we can do to support you, we are here for you!
—————————

Whether you think you can or think you can’t, either way you are right.
– Henry Ford