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Re: So stressed

This is kinda un related to my previous posts but on track with the thread theme.
Oh and it's gonna be a rant with swearing so if your sensitive don't read.

I can't cope with mania. I never have. And I can't fucking deal.
Too much shit in my head, too fast, too weird.
Me and no meds don't mix, this is my worst episode in years and it's fucking shit. Fuck my mental illness. Fuck everything. I just want to sleep too but noooo not unless I take prn I shouldn't be taking much of.
I'm pretty sure my new diagnosis will be schizoaffective (with my whole bipolar and psychosis stuff) I'm kinda scared. But I'm also scared they'll just ignore my symptoms and say its just a bpd episode. Like fuck this is.
Anyway I don't know what to do. Strategies just make me kinda angry coz they don't work for mania and psychosis. I know depression and emotional disregulation, my strategies work for that. This they just make me worse. Everything makes me worse. I can't fucking think straight. I can't sit still. I can't shut up. I can't concentrate. I can't focus. I can't fucking cope. My CM hasn't offered any advice other than go through my safety plan, what do you think I'm doing.

Oh and uni starts in 3 weeks. What if I'm still manic? Or worse more psychotic?
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
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Re: So stressed

@redhead I think you’ve done a great job getting this down. I think that @Bree-RO had some good thoughts in the second post in this thread. You have very good insight and a very articulate way of expressing yourself which is awesome. I can understand why this would be this would be really frightening for you at the moment. Do you have any strategies for dealing with anxiety and worry? I think you have already used one helpful strategy - to write your thoughts down, so please give yourself some credit for that!

For now, do you think you could engage in some self-soothing activities - such as a nice cup of tea perhaps?

 

Thinking of you - please keep us updated with how everything is going.

Re: So stressed

@mrmusic I'm not really scared and anxious. I was the other day, not so much now. Now I just feel hyper. There's no other way to describe my mood and thoughts than manic.
Tea is only doing so much.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire
Highlighted

Re: So stressed

Okay I see. Please keep looking after yourself - here for you Heart

Re: So stressed

Hey @redhead how are you traveling now? Would you be keen to ring any of the help lines or have a cool shower?

Re: So stressed

@Bree-RO things are shit. I tried that.
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: So stressed

Sorry that was rude.


I'm trying @Bree-RO
===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: So stressed

Totally fine @redhead of course, I am proud you tried. I really want you to try a helpline now, webchat or if you can even a phone call. I have to log off but if it helps keep engaging with RO crew/games section. You can do this Heart

Re: So stressed

I can't do this though @Bree-RO
I went on webchat last night. I eventually got to sleep about 1 or 2.
I tried to keep busy today. Spent money on stuff I didn't need. Now I'm just waiting for my CM to call before I have a breakdown 

===========================
Trying to make my misery
just a piece of my history
A little less victim a little more victory
-Icon for Hire

Re: So stressed

Hey @redhead, I just wanted to offer a few words of encouragement. I know you think you 'can't do this', but if you take a look at your posts from the last week or so, you might just notice that you are doing this. You're making it through each day, however tough they are. You're reaching out for support, even when you think you haven't got the strength to. You're following the instructions of those trying to help you, even when their plan isn't feeling so good to you right now. Despite how you feel personally, you continue to help others. And, through it all, you've remained self-aware, aware of others, and pretty polite (even when you need to use a few swear words).

 

I know it isn't easy to see the good right now, but please give yourself a giant pat on the back for just how well you are doing this despite all the adversity you feel.