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Something is wrong with me

At school, i'm very quiet. I put up with the shit that is thrown my way. I have no friends and people always tell me I'm fucked up and that I have a disease...But I remain quiet. When i get home, tho, its hard to stay quiet. My brother (23) smokes weed and he constantly puts me down for every small mistake I make. I tripped and broke something, so I'm a fucked up spastic who'l be alone forever. I scream at him and slam my door and cry and just...act like a fucked up spastic. Its starting to make me believe it. My mother is on my side, but he puts her down aswell. Every day is the same. Its starting to make me crazy. Sometimes I just wish I could dissapear, but I'm too afraid to do anything suicidal. I don't cut myself. Ugh. I hate this. I just want to be normal, not a fuck up from west sydney...Sorry. Needed to vent.

Re: Something is wrong with me

Hi there

nari A few things ive already noticed we have in common are 1.no friends at school 2.we don’t retaliate to what gets thrown at us in public places 3.deadbeat brother. And 4.a frequent visit by bad feelings. So I guess I can somewhat relate to what you're feeling. And yea, a big way to help is to vent, so don’t be sorry for posting here, this site and the people here wouldn’t be here if we didn’t want to help in any way we can, and if that means just sitting here a listening to what you have to say, then so be it, we will.

Also, if you're having troubles with making friends, maybe looking in a different place might help, personally, roughly about 98% of my friends I only know online, and the other 3-4 people live on the other side of town so I mostly talk to them online anyway. But since going online, my circle of friends has expanded an unbelievable amount. These are now the people I trust the most, so don’t let the whole "creepy online people" thing get to you.

 

Sorry if this doesn't make sense or doesn't really apply to this situation, I'm really tired 

 

-Transparent_Fox

Re: Something is wrong with me

heya

feel free to vent Smiley Happy i do it myself.
really positive space here with such supportive folks.

i don't always reply to posts after i read them but yeah listening is really important and just hoping whoever posted whatever gets happier and healthier Smiley Happy

a little off the topic but ...

i'm from western sydney so when people diss it i gets heaps annoyed. what ticks me off even more is when they've only been there like once and think that their one experience sums it up. frankly people say a lot of stupid shit and i find it sad that easily influenced people avoid going to western sydney because of it's reputation and what others have poorly portrayed it as being.

ps nothing beats vietnamese food in cabramatta

vent over

cheers Smiley Happy

Re: Something is wrong with me

Hey Nari,

Venting is completely fine!! It sounds as though your brother is quite nasty! I would recommend trying to get out of the house as much as you can or just staying away from him.

Please don't believe him though!! He seems to be the one with the problems!!! Has your mum tried to get him professional help? Generally people use marijuana to help them cope with stressful situations and it appears that he has a lot of anger.

I am concerned by how much your brother has affected your self-esteem. I'd really recommend that you speak to a professional about how you are feeling. Do you have a school counsellor? Having someone who is meant to be quite an influential person in your life constantly put you down can be really draining, so please talk to someone about how it's been making you feel!

Take care of yourself, Nari.

MM.

Re: Something is wrong with me

I'm from Villawood and sorry if I offended you. Heh. But, the area I live in is pretty bad. There are good places, like all areas. But thanks for replying. I appreciate it.

 

 

 

Re: Something is wrong with me

Please don't believe what your brother is saying!

I find that usually anyone who is so critical is usually deflecting their own poor self esteem!

Gah, why do we have to put up with such people? huh!?

School can be really tough for a lot of people. You'll get to a point where you find something you really have a knack for or just enjoy doing, and it'll attract the right people to you who will become your friends. It's tough to feel a bit alone, but be forgiving of yourself and you'll get there Smiley Happy

Re: Something is wrong with me

Just a thought, maybe you could look into joining a club, or taking a class for something you enjoy? (Maybe check your school newsletter, librbay, community centre, or YMCA? or just google?) If you don't have any hobbies currently, why not just try something new, you may discover that you like it! School is in some ways a terrible place to make friends, because its usually just people from a geogrpahic area, not people who actually share your interests, or are like you. A club or something may allow you to spend a bit more time out of your house, and away from your brother.

 

Because there is absolutly nothing at all wrong with you, you have a unique set of skills and some day you are going to rock the world with them.

Re: Something is wrong with me

Awe, I know how you feel. Well most of it. Sometimes, people would hurt someone else, who may be less vulnerable than them. Your brother, I don't know him, but he may be stressed? He may not know how to deal with the things your going through. My sister does the exact same thing. Except, I self-harm and have attemted Suicide in the past.. Don't go down that road sweetie. You won't be able to get back. 

 

What is going on for you, will hurt you so much, but I promise, it will get so much easier. Get so much better. Just believe in yourself. Believe in your future. Your dreams? Anything that makes you happy. You are loved more than you think. <3

The picture is a quote from Chris Montionless in a band. It will help. You are loved. <3

 

Zoe.

Re: Something is wrong with me


@Nari wrote:

At school, i'm very quiet. I put up with the shit that is thrown my way. I have no friends and people always tell me I'm fucked up and that I have a disease...But I remain quiet. When i get home, tho, its hard to stay quiet. My brother (23) smokes weed and he constantly puts me down for every small mistake I make. I tripped and broke something, so I'm a fucked up spastic who'l be alone forever. I scream at him and slam my door and cry and just...act like a fucked up spastic. Its starting to make me believe it. My mother is on my side, but he puts her down aswell. Every day is the same. Its starting to make me crazy. Sometimes I just wish I could dissapear, but I'm too afraid to do anything suicidal. I don't cut myself. Ugh. I hate this. I just want to be normal, not a fuck up from west sydney...Sorry. Needed to vent.


Hi Nari,

 

I'm really sorry to hear that this is how things currently are for you. You have every right to vent - I think anyone in your situation would certainly be justified to do the same. The way your brother and mother treat you seems to be unjustified - I really hope that you don't feel that this is your fault. Nothing is wrong with you

 

I can relate to you in some ways. I know it's very difficult to go to school and not feel like you have much support and feel that way at home too. I was also very quiet at school and highly distressed and angry among my family.

Things are going to take time to change, though I encourage you to hold on to what hopes you have for the future, to help you through this tough time.  

 

What do you do currently, that helps you cope in a positive way? E.g. It could be exercise, reading, writing on these forums. If these help you, then hold onto them and use them to help you deal with when you're feeling down, mad or upset. While self-harming is a way of coping, like Zoe said, it can lead to more harm than good.

 

As for wanting to be normal, I hear you when you say this. No one wants to deal with constant criticism and negativity from family members. I just want you to know that there are people out there who feel like you do and who are going through similar things. I hope that this thought helps you feel a little more understood. 

 

All the best,

 

- Hopeful

 

Re: Something is wrong with me

Being "normal" is over rated trust me, I used to be a cool kid, picking on people that sorta shit, but when I fell from my tower of self obsession very hard. I had pushed all the people away, the ones that mattered anyway, and I was alone, all the guys I hung out with turned on me and I had no one. But one day I realised that I could listen to all the things they said or I could smile because I know from experience that people who do that are the most insecure. your brother picks on you for your mistakes, you say well when you have a job sitting at a desk, instead of sitting on a bed getting high, then you can life coach me all you want. and for all those people who put you down heres a quote that made it just a little easier. "I would rather be hated for who I am then loved for who I am not"-kurt cobain. so embrace the hate and just ask them things like so what? or whats wrong with a disease? it sounds stupid but it worked. I really hope it helps you Smiley Happy