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Sometimes...

Sometimes,

life is your worst enemy.

but you don't buckle

you don't budge

You try to open yourself

to the flow of life

and engage.

but a block holds you back

a grip

not of fear

not of anxiety

but of sadness

of grief

You tuck yourself away

you try to reach out

but to no avail

no one hears

no one listens

i loveto listen

i care a lot

but every day

my pain is what i got

do it tell him

 no i don't

like i try

but i care about him

so i sen dhim my love instead

my mouth is taped shut

if only you knew what it said

what i want to say

but i can't of course

becuase my pets would miss me

i'm silent

 i hurt

i smile

you dont hear

you smile

i love

you love

i don't even cry

i'm silent inside

i'm 'here

 but not here

on days like this

things around me 

have lost their meaning

i try

believe me

i try

and it works sometimes

Re: Sometimes...

Hey @saucydankish, thanks so much for sharing your feelings in such a creative way. Is there anything in particular you'd like to talk more about that's been making you feel some of the ways you mentioned? 

Re: Sometimes...

Hi @moonwalk, thanks for the question... Yes, it feels really caring to give me the space and allow me to kinda tease  it out a little ...you've got me trying to explore it and put it into words now... give it some form...

 

It's basically stems from an underlying situation. It's got the colour of 'grief' about it. You know, when you had a good relationship with someone, and then Bang! a misunderstanding, and that is the worst feeling - that you hurt someone that you cared about, but it wasn't meant to happen like that. There were truer words underneath, reality underneath, but on top - the words that were said - well, they came out all wrong.  And there wasn't any opportunity to set it right, see. I mean, time goes on, and life has to go on, and no matter how many amazing things you do and get to see in life  -  there's this gnawing sadness tucked in a little box inside of you, of unresolvedness. Like, the whole world keeps turning, and you're on the stage - but nothing tastes the same, because of it.

 

Sounds a little like I'm exploring the emotions here - and I guess that is what I am doing! I hope it makes sense. I haven't been able to explore this feeling with anyone in this way yet. Do you have any ideas that might help in this situation?...

Re: Sometimes...

Thanks for diving deeper and discussing your feelings even further. Smiley Happy

 

I do understand where you're coming from and I think you've already taken a really positive step by coming onto RO and talking about it. If you feel like some of your feelings are getting a pretty intense, talking to a support service like eheadspace can really help. It's a confidential and anonymous service where you can chat online, email or speak on the phone with a qualified mental health professional.

 

Also, you mentioned these feelings could be tied to the ending of a relationship, so you might find some the factsheets in RO's Relationships section. There's some really good info about conflict in relationships as well as coping with breakups.

Re: Sometimes...

Just a question @moonwalk.. How important do you think it is, to get to chat with the person/s involved? I feel that that would be helpful. I mean, I still feel we have a friendship, and it doesn't feel as serious like a breakup. It was just a misunderstanding in my opinion and from my perspective. As I said, I've been able to moved forward with other areas in my life, but I think it's important to smooth things out in time with the other person/s. It was real...

What do you think? ...and thanks for the link to the Relationship factsheet. So many good topics!

Highlighted

Re: Sometimes...

Either way, I feel I 'm standing independently and stronger now. Smiley Happy

Re: Sometimes...

Hey @saucydankish

 

It is great that you are exploring your emotions around this, unfortunately there is no one correct answer on how to deal with it. Only you can decide what is best for you. So if you feel as though you should have a chat with the other person involved, then I encourage you to do so. 

 

Just go with what you feel is right and best for you.


My entire life can be described in one sentence: It didn't go as planned and that's okay. ツ

Re: Sometimes...

Hi! Thanks for the replies @stonepixie and @moonwalk! I feel confident to go on my intuition and it feels right to make the best of this. I have grown so much in the past sixx months with travelng, seeing family, studies, work, caring, moving house twice - almost felt like dissociating just to get through it! Not meaning it in a negative or disrespectful sense, because I hvae defintely gone through that as well in my earlier life. But self-care has been such a support for me to balance it all.

And I'm still excited for my goals Ive set and projects I want to find a good team to work with on them, and develop more resources for disabled people in the community!

 

Anyway, I came on here sharing my poem about how strong I feel about connecting with my friend, and making the best of life and the people I care about. And yes, even exploring a relationship with him. Hey by the way, I was at the shops last Thursday night, and I looked over at some chinos in a window display as I walked past, and suddenly I remembered my friend for some reason - which was weirder when at that moment, an old song came over the speakers, Soul Sister!! I'm not the superstitious type, but it sure felt good to have these positive things as reinforcement in my life!

 

Thanks!

Re: Sometimes...

Hey @saucydankish, it's great to hear how much you've learnt and grown in the past few months! And I think it's awesome that you're actively trying to do more for disabled people in your community! You sound like a very self aware and caring person. Smiley Happy

 

As for the question you asked me the other day about how important I think it is to chat with the person/s involved - I feel that in some instances speaking to the other person/s can really help resolve a matter or at the very least gain some understanding of where they are coming from. But I think it's crucial that both people are willing and ready to talk about the situation. Timing can significantly affect the outcome of an important conversation and if someone feels pressured into talking or hasn't had enough time to process their feelings about a situation, it can make things worse.

 

I'm so glad you found some helpful info in some of the links I sent you! I've got heaps out of all different Fact Sheets on RO too. Smiley Happy

Re: Sometimes...

Ah, absolutely, @moonwalk. I hear what you're saying about the timing. I can see that Ive put it out there, and by all means, I feel also giving the other person some time and space to process or work out the timing, yes that's part of a respectful relationship isn't it. Surprisinigly I find the RO factsheets so informative no matter what age people are! I feel like a late bloomer that's for sure. Smiley Happy

 

Thanks for commenting on the disability resources. I'm excited about these projects, and they're really in line with the groups of people I encounter - young kids with disabilities and isolated disabled community members. It's a small scale project, but really fulfilling. Have a good week!