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Re: Speaking about loneliness and isolation...

Regardless of your age and what you've been through so far, it's never too late to turn your own life around. We all go through twists and turns - the good, the bad, the ugly and the extraordinary. What I can say is that everyone does have their moments to show who they can be and what they can do.

 

It comes to some quite quickly whereas for others, it does take some time. It doesn't mean that you've 'failed' or you're 'not good enough'; it means that you're still on a journey to find what you want out of life. The accomplishments that we have, even if you think they matter to other people, it's also important that you feel proud of yourself. Self-talk is a great skill to begin. I'm also going to leave this here: 

 

The Science of Happiness - An Experiment in Gratitude

 

 

 

You can never be too sure of what others think of you but I believe that thinking of yourself and knowing yourself is what truly matters.

 

 

 

 

 

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Stay excellent

Re: Speaking about loneliness and isolation...

8FoldPath, you're so right.

Being lonely/isolated and trying to love yourself is one of the hardest things. I've often thought that since others didn't like me, that I shouldn't like myself either.

But loving yourself, as well as meditation can reduce those negative feelings. I guess when that doesn't help, there's always alcohol or sleep..

Nice to see everyone else on Facebook is having a fantastic time these holidays, with friends, loved ones, traveling etc. And I am at home, in front of the computer... Not even sure what to do with myself anymore. I guess I'll be spending New Years alone this year... again, and Valentine's Day (which I've never even celebrated).

Re: Speaking about loneliness and isolation...

Thanks for the kind and inspiring words Myvo and 8FoldPath.

No offense, Myvo, but that "science of Happiness" video didn't really make me feel any better. If anything, it made me feel a whole lot worse. The only phone calls I've received over the years were prank calls from people taking the p**. If I were to pick up the phone and ring someone today, I just wouldn't have anything to say to them.

Loneliness and boredom are the only friends that stayed with me, when everyone else left.

Re: Speaking about loneliness and isolation...

Hey @ClaytZ86 

You're right that not everyone has a friend they trust that they can turn to… if we all did, there might not be a need for services like Kids Helpline, Lifeline, Suicide Call Back Service… and the many other telephone and online counselling services available. You're not alone in feeling alone.

 

And I wouldn't worry about still being at home with the parents at 27. I know quite a few people in this situation, some as old as 34, and they're doing just fine. Independence comes in many forms.

 

As for boredom, I'm not sure what to say. I used to feel bored all the time, but now I haven't felt bored in years. I've collected enough things around me that interest me (e.g. video games, books, things nearby worth checking out) that I almost always have something to do, something I should be doing and something that's distracting me. It didn't happen overnight but somehow I started to realise that boredom for me isn't due to a lack of things to do but a fear that I was somehow wasting time.

Once I realised that as long as I was doing *something* I wasn't wasting time, I stopped feeling bored.

 

 

Re: Speaking about loneliness and isolation...

Hey guys Smiley Happy

I've had many times in my life when I've felt lonely or isolated. It's a bit like that at the moment. What I usually do to help is find ways to meet new people. I volunteer at an animal shelter which is something I enjoy doing, something that keeps me distracted from self harming, something that helps me meet new people and make friends and it's also physical exercise because I walk the dogs.

I usually get lonely in the holidays so I try to make plans early on and set up lots of things for me to do. I like to spend a lot of time with my friends but sometimes they exclude me, so I try to make new friends through sport which is another really good way to meet new people and has lots of other benefits Smiley Happy

Re: Speaking about loneliness and isolation...

@ClaytZ86 

 

I'm sorry that it made you feel terrible. I linked the video in as an example of what makes others feel better about themselves and thought it could inspire some people to think about what they feel grateful for. I can relate to people somehow getting my number and prank-calling  using a private number. I remember that they would called at all times of the day and ask me ridiculously inappropriate questions. In the end, I changed numbers and thought

 "Jokes on them because no one's gonna answer!" and that they would realise how much time and money they've wasted doing this. 

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Stay excellent

Re: Speaking about loneliness and isolation...

Thanks @Lex

You are absolutely right, not everybody does. In fact, most of the time, people in the real world are neither understanding or supportive. Thankfully, there are those counseling services. But sometimes even they aren't very supportive. :/ Thanks Lex, it's nice to know that.

Really? There are people older than me still living at home? That makes me feel better now, because I am not very independent (in spite of my age). I suffer from depression and social anxiety, so it's hard for me to go out and do things. I've also had bad brain fog lately and sleep issues, and it has made things even harder. I feel like I should know how to do more things at my age, but I just don't. And, a lot of the time, people make me feel stupid because of it.

I don't want to get close to anyone anymore, because I feel like they wouldn't understand me or my experience. And I am used to shutting people out. It's been so long since I've had an actual friend, I've forgotten what friendship actually means, and how to keep one going. I've also become used to it, strangely enough. I just hate being judged, insulted and being put down (even if it's only a joke)... It's still painful and I've dealt with it all my life.

Sounds like you had a problem with boredom too and you fixed it. I am glad to hear that. I should probably start collecting things too. Need more things to surround myself, as life often feels pretty empty. So how did you feel you were wasting time? I get what you mean though, and can relate to that. Lately, even fun things I should be enjoying just bore me to death. I think you've got the right attitude though. That sounds like a fix to me too.

Re: Speaking about loneliness and isolation...

@Pillow 

 

Well, it's a bit hard to get out and meet people when you suffer from social anxiety and a fear of being judged. I've also been bullied in my life, and it has happened a lot whenever I've tried new hobbies, or experiences. People have called me things like a "retard" and a "sped", or treated me like I'm stupid. So it has damaged a lot of my self-esteem, and stopped me from going out in public, and trying new things. I am afraid of being treated badly. Smiley Sad

A lot of people I've met over the years haven't really taken me very seriously or even been very warm to me, and then there are others that I just can't connect with because we don't have anything in common.

You say that you feel isolated at the moment. In what way (if you don't mind me asking)? Volunteering with animals sounds fantastic. I would love to do that, as I love animals.

Re: Speaking about loneliness and isolation...

@Myvo 

 

Not your fault, and I'm sorry I was harsh to you. The video was good, I took another look at it and it's right - we should be grateful for things in life. I was just in a bad mood, and I feel like I took it out on you.

So the whole prank calling thing has happened to you too? You're right - changing numbers usually fixes it, I just didn't bother answering after a while. And yes, that's exactly the same thing that happened to me - people calling me at midnight, or the early morning and asking stupid questions. Some people are so immature.

Thanks for the reply, Myvo. Good to hear from you all.