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Sticky Relationship

So I've been on and off dating this girl for a couple of years, and I do love her, so so much, but I don't want to be with her? I find the thought of renewing our relationship, officially, terrifying? I've tried dating other people, and I didn't exactly take them seriously, but we always seem to fall back into place with each other. We don't introduce each other as girlfriends but we call each other soppy pet names like babe or baby etc. I don't want to be with her because I know that when we fight she takes its really badly and I don't like seeing her sad. Im thinking of breaking it off for good so that she would have a reason to be so sad. But how exactly does one turn off a relationship that wasn't on? I am miserable without her but I don't want to be with her for her own good. Help?

Re: Sticky Relationship

Hi @rudeandginger,

That sounds like a tough situation. Even if you're not officially "in a relationship" you obviously both have feelings for each other and there's something that ties you together and brings you back together. So yeah, sometimes even something that's not "official" can be hard to end.

I guess you need to put some thought into what you want. Just because you have feelings for each other doesn't mean that being together is the best thing, which you seem to have identified in the way that you talk about how your fights leave her feeling so hurt.

Do you want to end things? Or do you want to see about changing the way you talk and relate to each other, so you don't have the fights that leave her feeling so hurt? Here's some info on Conflict in Relationships that may help you think about that.

I think it's really awesome that you're trying to work out the best thing to do not just for yourself, but her as well. Keep talking to her and sharing here if it helps. Good luck!

 

blithe

Re: Sticky Relationship

hey @rudeandginger 

 

As @blithe mentioned, it may not be "official" but there's definitely real mutual feelings there and it sounds like you're both quite attached to each other. I think it's a really selfless thing that you've considered - leaving her for her own good because of how upset she gets, even though you really do love her and want to be with her. 

 

I think that you definitely need to put some thought into what you want and what you think is best for both of you. It is possible that she be might be better off without the relationship, but this might not necessarily be the case so that might be something to consider too. 

 

Have you tried talking to her about how she feels about your relationship overall? What is it about renewing your relationship that you find terrifying? 

 

 

Re: Sticky Relationship

Hi @rudeandginger !! This does sound like a complicated situation, and the fact that its been on and off for a while means that this warrants some serious thought and probably a conversation with this girl. It's great to see that you are taking her potential feelings into consideration and not wanting to hurt her, but since you both have mutual feelings for each other you will need to know how she feels about being with you in the future and what she thinks would come of your current relationship. It might also help you figure out what you want from the relationship.

 

Also second what's already been said. Good luck with everything!!

Re: Sticky Relationship

Hey @rudeandginger sorry to here what you're going through this really does sound like a sticky situation. It sounds like you need to have a really good chat with her, to try and move forward. It looks like you really care for her, if a relationship is too hard, would you consider seeing her as just a friend? It will be hard at first, but maybe it's for the better.

Good luck with everything, let me know how you go
_________________________________
sometimes it rains, sometimes it shines, this is how flowers grow

Re: Sticky Relationship

Hey @rudeandginger 

it must be tricky to feel like you have to break off a relationship that's heading south yet at the same time you and her both feel miserable without each other. I agree with @jvkn that if a relationship is too difficult, a friendship could be easier and healthier. Maybe there's something you can both work on and achieve together that can strengthen your relationship while helping you both grow more emotionally and mentally.

 

Good luck @rudeandginger