I haven’t been feeling the greatest. I’m in the middle of university exams and sure it’s normal to feel stressed but it’s never been this bad(?). I think I might have some sort of anxiety and it didn’t help that there was a oral examination. Last year I broke down in tears and couldn’t speak because I was hyperventilating and failed my exam, my tutors have suggested I get some help but I was scared and just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
This year I’ve been practicing being more vocal and putting myself out there more and I’ve found some things that can calm me down and I managed to get through without crying and going mute this time around. I’m still stuttering and forgetting things and it’s really frustrating but my tutors have told me that I did much better this time and I’m quite proud of myself.
I thought I was getting better. So I’m not sure why I’m feeling like this. It’s like there’s a creature living in my chest and is gnawing away at my insides. I’m tired but I can’t sleep so I just find my mind wondering into dark places which isn’t the greatest. In the past I had considered ending my life due to some things going on at the time but my personality would never allow me to actually go through with it plus I’m in a much better place in life now. These days I just can’t stop my mind from lingering but that’s as far as it goes – I would never act on these thoughts.
I’ve never spoken to anyone about my thoughts and feelings as I find it really-extremely uncomfortable but the weight of this is just beginning to be a little too much. Anyway, I just needed to let these thoughts out somewhere and get these feelings off of my chest, just knowing that someone out there knows how I feel makes the load a little bit lighter so thanks for reading.
Welcome to the forums, thank you so much for sharing all of what has been happening for you, it is so courageous to open up We want you to know this is safe place, and there are many people here that share similar experiences, you are not alone
It sounds like there has been a lot going on and things feel overwhelming at the moment. You said you have been using some techniques to support yourself, like posting on here, which is massive step, so that's great to hear. Suicidal thoughts are common and important to talk about, are you safe at the moment? Your tutors seem to be supportive have you been able to talk to them about how you feel?
You have taken such a huge step sharing so openly with us, we are here when you need to talk. If you ever need to talk to someone straight away there are these helplines