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Re: Struggling with my low self esteem and self worth after grades im not happy with. Help?

@May_ I dont really have anything else that I really work hard to achieve other than academics and I dont really have anything else that gives me that rewarding feeling other than academics or other people praising me or my work though I do enjoy helping people especially giving advice or teaching so helping people in areas that im good at and that I enjoy it doesnt give me as big a rewarding feeling as getting good grades & I dont have much oportunity to do these things. I dont really have any hobbies or skills or anything im terribale at sport and I cant sing or dance or draw so I just kind of sit on my bed and read or midlessly browse youtube & Google. I have recently started going to the gym 3 times a week, I wouldnt say I enjoy it I feel sick and dizzy often after and I cant breathe im very unfit but its ok I like the thought of going I just dont like how I feel after the gym or during (especially cardio its horrid I cant breathe and I feel sick)

Re: Struggling with my low self esteem and self worth after grades im not happy with. Help?

@Alec29 that's so awesome that you are going to the gym 3 times a week!

Helping people and teaching others are great things to enjoy doing - have you considered pursuing any volunteer or paid work related to these things?

Re: Struggling with my low self esteem and self worth after grades im not happy with. Help?

@May_Yeah I have considered it but Im having difficulty finding oportunites. I would like to do work expereince or volutneer work in areas im interseted in such as psychology, medicaine, or helping with academic things such as tutoring or stuff like that but due to patient confidentality I cant get any in the psychology field or in the medical field (eg. hospitals, GPs etc.) so that really sucks. I have looked for jobs and I did have one at McDonalds in the kitchen making food but it was aweful it was making me depressed and it wasnt worth the little money I got, that type of work just isnt for me. I have looked for paid jobs in psychology/social health field but was unseuccesful as im a high school student and im not qualified enough and also in terms of tutoring I am not qualified enough i have looked but people want uni students or people with degrees, why would they pay a high school student to help when they could pay someone more experienced. I would like to play a sport but I cant afford to join a club, I dont have much time due to studying, im unfit and to be honest pretty bad and lacking skills in sport, im also worried if i let the team down and dont want to be judged. Also when I say i go to the gym 3 times a week I mean i aim to sometimes I only get 1-2 times due to school, medical appoitments and sometimes Im just lazy but I dont think im seeing resutls so my will is declining quickly.

Re: Struggling with my low self esteem and self worth after grades im not happy with. Help?

@Alec29 even just going once is still great! Smiley Happy

Hmm you could ask your local primary school if you can volunteer and help out in the classrooms, would that be something you would be interested in?

Re: Struggling with my low self esteem and self worth after grades im not happy with. Help?

Hey @Alec29 thanks for sharing! Your story really resonated with me by the way. I too never learned how to really study and thought I'd get good grades. I actually got low grades in a few subjects and it was absolutely devastating. My parents were really disappointed and I felt like I was worthless. Fortunately once at university, I eventually did learn how to study and even got part-time jobs! Trust me when I say that things never stay the same and do change for better. 


You understand your self-worth is tied to top academic performance. That's really good awareness to have. I hope you can also see how it would also be a barrier to managing anxiety and learning to be happy with yourself. I'm not sure at what point in your life you made the connection between academic achievement and self-worth and maybe this is something you can discuss in therapy. However, what's also important now is to try and figure out ways to develop a separate sense of self that's not reliant on getting a certain grade. 


Are you seeing a therapist or a counselor? You said you really don't have other activities but you like to draw. Are you drawing these days? Is there any hobby you'd like to pick up - just for fun? It sucks when a hobby can turn into a goal to accomplish. A hobby is really meant for enjoyment. So, from that angle, what would you like to do? 

Re: Struggling with my low self esteem and self worth after grades im not happy with. Help?

@Mona-RO Yes I am seeing a Psychologist for multiplr reasons such as depression, anxiety, self esteem and gender identity disorder but I dont enjoy going I feel anxious waiting and once I get in I just feel uncomfortabale and I dont think I really connect or relate to my Psychologist I just dont like going and I dont feel at ease around her, shes nice and Im sure shes good at her job I just dont like it. I do see my school councilor and I do enjoy seeing her I get on much better I conncet well with her and feel at ease speaking to her she is also younger than my psychologist maybe that has something to do with it? I also see her a lot more often adn i dont have to pay to see her I only see my psychologist probably 1 every 1-2 months as she only works Mondays and is busy and im on the mental health care plan so I get 10 free sesions a year and I really cant afford anymore. No I havnt drawn in years it takes to long and stresses me out and im never happy with it beacuse its never perfect im also not creative so anything I draw is just me copying another drawing i also feel like its a waste of time I feel as if everyday the things i do are often a waste of time. There are currently no hobbies I really want to do sure there are things that I go oh yeah id like to do that or that seems cool but I dont have the time and I just cant be bothered it takes to much effort, sitting in my room watching tv is easier and a lot of time i get to caught up in getting it perfect for example i tried journaling it didnt work i didnt know what to write everything i wrote sounded dumb and i couldnt stand my writing etc. I tried learning multiple languages and I couldnt stick to it, I thought myself chess but I got bored and wasnt good at it 

Re: Struggling with my low self esteem and self worth after grades im not happy with. Help?

@May_ None will allow me to due to my age and I dont have police clearence and I dont have experince in the field or with children. Though my school runs a well known program called LAP which is a mentoring program in which participants (mentors) are matched with a child who is signed up to the program this might be due to academic difficulties or social difficulties etc and we are matched with them based on forms we both fill out such as intersts and areas or skills and we spend one 50 min lesson a week with them doing whatever they want or need to do such as doing homework or building a science project like a volcano or drawing or playing sport or just talking etc this is for the year and I have signed up.

Re: Struggling with my low self esteem and self worth after grades im not happy with. Help?

@Alec29 have you considered changing psychologists? That's great that you feel comfortable with your school counsellor.

I can relate so much to how you feel with hobbies. I spend a lot more time than I would like to watching shows. What kind of shows are you into? Film and TV can definitely be a creative outlet/inspiring.

The LAP mentoring program sounds really cool - so you signed up? Smiley Happy

Re: Struggling with my low self esteem and self worth after grades im not happy with. Help?

@May_ I have considered changing Psychologists but I would have no clue where to start and how to pick a new one. The Psychologist is the only one who specialses in Transgender indiviudals and Gender Identity Disorder that isnt in the main city which is about 1 and a half -2 hours travel and thats if the traffic is good plus you have to pay for parking. Im already a burden to my family I dont want to make it worse by making them take me further away the currrent psychologist I see works for one of those GP super clinics its a 2-5 min drive from my house and I just feel bad for leaving and transfering psychologists I have already done it once I transfered from my old psychologist to this one as she specialsed in transgender but I was slightly more comfortable with the old one but I dont think I was getting anything out of it.


I watch lots of TV shows I enjoy crime ones such as Law and Order: SVU & criminal minds and Bones I have been watching a lot less tv lately as I dont like sitting with my family and I dont have any say or control over what I watch so if i watch tv i stream it on my laptop which is often annoying and it buffers. Im honeslty not fussy with tv shows I also like documentaries and teen dramas like degrassi, i like british tv as well I also quite enjoy science fiction so things like Doctor who, i like anime as well  I also love fantasy I have a giant harry potter fan I have scarves and merch and I have all the books and screen plays etc. I would as silly as i sounds like to play Quidditch but I cant find teams there is little in terms of culture and fun things that I enjoy to do in Adelaide in comparrison to bigger Australain cities and other countries but im hopping to find stuff in Uni.


Yes I have signes up for the LAP mentoring program I start early next year im nervous and worried about the social bit and the kid not liking me or being annoing etc but im looking forward to it



Re: Struggling with my low self esteem and self worth after grades im not happy with. Help?

Hey @Alec29! Sorry to be jumping in mid-thread like this, but I started reading some of the earlier posts and I just HAD to dive in, because you honestly sound waaaay too similar to me, haha. Coming from an Asian family, I was also quite caught up with my grades -like you, the only times I ever got praised was when I did well academically. And even then, it was usually by other kids' parents! (...which didn't make me terribly popular at school, as you might imagine.)


I was -and still am- pretty much completely rubbish at sports; partially because I'm just generally lazy  (I don't like sweating, and because I'm pretty unfit, my muscles ache for days everytime after I exercise) and partially because whoever designed my body seems to have intentionally made it to be as bad at exercising as humanly possible. Seriously, I'm not kidding- I have asthma, had Osgood Schlatter's disease*, and my podiatrist has told me repeatedly that I have literally the worst, flattest feet he has ever seen over his 20+ year career (and then proceeded to rub his palms together in anticipation of how much cash he was going to make off me over the next decade). My body is so bad at sports, it's basically evidence for intelligent design...if that intelligence was evil.


I'm getting off-track, my point is that you are definitely not alone in all this.


If we were to compare your story and mine, you're already miles ahead. I didn't start looking for help until about 2 months before my final exams in Year 12, after almost two years bouncing between depressed and suicidal. You already have a great self-awareness of where your issues might be by identifying how your grades affect your self-esteem. Not only have you sought help, you also seem to have mapped out some strategies for improving your situation- going to the gym, getting involved in volunteering/work etc. It's unfortunate that there's been a few barriers in the way, but it sounds like you're pushing through with LAP - which can take a lot of mental guts and endurance, considering that you're already dealing with so much emotionally.


This is starting to get a little ridiculously long, but re: volunteering opportunities- have you considered doing some volunteering with the St. Vincent De Paul Society (aka Vinnies)? It'll vary from branch to branch, but Vinnies has a fairly broad set of programs that could be pertinent to someone interested in going into healthcare or psychology, ranging from school mentoring (e.g. SPARK) to slightly more intense support-oriented services like Home Visitations or soup kitchens. You don't have to be religious to get into it either- I'm agnostic and I've spent about 2 years volunteering with them now.

P.S. Getting a Working With Children's Check (WWCC) could also help with future volunteering opportunities, particularly if you're interested in working with kids. I'm not 100% sure whether it's the same in South Australia, but in NSW, we can get ours for free in about a week if it's for volunteering purposes.


*:Basically, this is a developmental issue where your lower leg bone grows faster than the knee socket that's supposed to accomodate it, so your legs end up being partially dislocated at the knee until the socket grows big enough to let it fit in properly again. If that sounds bad, it gets worse- if you repeatedly put a large amount of force on the joint (i.e. pretty much any land-based sport) the tension exerted by the tendon attaching your lower leg and knee together will slowly start to fracture the bone. So that was fun.