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Suicidal again..

Hey guys,

 

I'm really not feeling too good today. My aunty was really mean to mem yesterday at Christmas lunch. She just doesn't get it. She was telling me how fat I'm going to get if I keep eating sugar. I had one slice of trifle...

 

I got really upset by what shesaid so I stopped eating and I made myself purge up what was left of my trifle. I got home last night and I self harmed. I couldn't help myself. ThenI started thinking I shouldn't even be alive, I don't deserve this I need to be dead. And then I started having suicidal thoughts again Smiley Sad

 

I just don't know what to do, I'm scared. I don't want to start over with another KHL counsellor while mine are on leave, I probably should, I just don't know anymore.

 

Pillow

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Re: Suicidal again..

Hey @Pillow 

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your crappy exerience with your Aunt. people can say really mean things sometimes.

 

And I'm sorry to hear you're feeling like you're in a dark place at the moment. Christmas can be a really overwhelming and triggering time and it can bring up lots of really intense feelings. 

 

From reading your posts I can see you've had some ups and downs over the last little while. Are you able to try some of the things that have worked for you lately, today? Like Smiling Mind? You've put in so much effort into trying to feel better, you definitely seem to be a person that's committed to their recovery and is willing to try new things that might help.

 

Have you tried using Smiling Minds this morning?

 

In terms of the KHL counsellor. It would definitely be worth giving them a call and explaining your situation. You can even cut and paste your post into their webchat option.

 

If the feelings of wanting to suicide continue, please call Suicide Callback or 000 if you need immediate help. 

 

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Re: Suicidal again..

Hi Pillow (That's a cute name Smiley Very Happy)

I agree with everything NigioC said.

And I will add my 2cents, You seem scared of what you might do, what others say and think.

Really whats important is what you think. It's such a disillusion that people go through (I can understand why) thinking that what others say is factual. but its just there perception.

What I try to remember is when people say hate filled words, words to hurt you they are really in pain them selves. It helps me to find so compassion for what they are saying to me because I know they are just hurt so they want everyone else to be hurt also. It helps me to find love and undetstanding for that person.
Also I think its important to remember that things can never really change until you hit rock bottom.

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Re: Suicidal again..

Hello there Pillow,

 

I think that you should talk to another KHL counsellor, just to tell someone how you are feeling. Over the phone, webchat or email. It doesn't mean you have to start over, it just means that you are telling someone how you are feeling and getting some immediate help. 

Sometimes family members have a hidden agenda or a double meaning behind the words they say to each other. Perhaps your aunt was thinking of herself when she said those things. It's okay to get upset when people say mean things. Sometimes they just hit the wrong nerve. If this aunt is somewhat close to you, maybe you could talk to her and try to explain it. If she's not, then let it go. Feel the hurt of what she's said to you. Breathe. And let it pass. Try to think from her point of view. Maybe your aunt thinks you are always eating sugary foods and was trying to help you in her own way. 

It is brave of you to still be here, even after having those suicidal thoughts. You're proving to yourself that you should be alive, even if you don't think it sometimes because you are alive. Even after all that may of happened to you, you are still alive. Be proud of yourself. 

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Re: Suicidal again..

hey @Pillow 

 

How has your day been today? Did you have a chance to give the Smiling Mind app a go?

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Re: Suicidal again..

Hi @Pillow,
Listening and processing negative comments isn’t easy, and it doesn’t help situation/s when it comes from your own family members. You have been doing so well Pillow, and I still believe that you can get through all of this. You have so much potential to excel, and to achieve whatever you desire. At the moment, some things are quite horrible, but that doesn’t mean it will be like that forever, in which, that might be difficult to see at the moment.
The 6th of January is one week away, and that must feel like a long time, but I believe in you, that you can keep doing what you have in place to distract your mind in a positive way, eg; finding 3 positives in each day, positive self-talk etc.

Keep posting on ReachOut,

I look forward reading your next update.


Take care Pillow.