TW Blocking out everything to get by

[xXLexi_Lou122Xx]

I'm so sorry @mspaceK. Did your sibling enjoy having you there? It really hurts that that's happening. I wish I could make it better too.

[mspaceK]

Yeah - my sibling did enjoy seeing me @xXLexi_Lou122Xx . I've been trying to find more ways to hang out with them without being around my father. It's hard. I feel so distant from them. Like they don't understand me. And I don't understand why they behave the way they do and there are times when it really gets me down. When I try and spend time with my family I just get reminded about all the awful things and then I avoid them and then I feel guilty about not seeing them. It's so complicated. 

[letitgo]

It definitely sounds like quite a complex family situation @mspaceK and I'm glad your sibling enjoyed seeing you.

How are you feeling at the moment? Do you reckon some self-care might be helpful?  

[mspaceK]

Hi @letitgo . I have just been hanging out with my boyfriend and his family alot recently. I'm at his house at the moment while he is at work just playing games on the computer and reading. There are alot of things overwhelming me that I am just taking little steps with and focusing on them when I feel ready. Like my room for example - there is alot I would like to organise and work stuff to prepare as well. Just taking life one step at a time is the best way to put it. So yeah - self care is games and spending time with bf as well as having naps and i had a nice warm shower last night. 

I was a little disappointed that I couldn't talk to my regular khl counselor today and have to wait until Wed but I had my bf for company thankfully. Thank you for checking in with me. 

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @mspaceK,

Taking things one step at a time sounds like a really good plan Sometimes slowing things down to look at them in small steps can help with motivation and reducing stress too

Sounds like you have such a supportive boyfriend and some great self care strategies!

How are you going today? I can see some amazing contributions you have made across the forums this morning!

[mspaceK]

Hi @Jess1-RO . I am feeling good today at the moment. I have been productive doing stuff around the house with my room and just listening to music and chatting to people. I get a bit scared that this good feeling is going to go away, because it usually does, something might trigger me. I am being hopeful at least that I will have a good day. And tomorrow I am going to the movies which I am looking forward to. I am hoping the productivity today will help me to feel better. 

I am still struggling to see that everything I am doing isn't pointless, because it still does at times. I am fighting through it though and still pretty much blocking out all the negative bullshit that keeps circulating throughout my mind. I've told myself that during my counselling sessions with KHL and my psych appointments and therapy groups are when I will focus on it, when there is someone there to support me. All other times I have just been trying to distract myself with things I like and want to do. It's not perfect...but it's better than being in hospital again. 

[mspaceK]

To be honest I have felt on edge for the past couple hours. I've just been cleaning my room and the house and avoiding going to sleep. I don't even know why. And now I feel annoyed at myself because i'll need sleep. I won't be able to accept any work shifts tomorrow morning now because i'll just be too tired. At least the positive side of things is that I was very productive and got heaps of things organised. Why does going to bed cause me so much anxiety? I hate it. Hopefully today I can talk to my khl counselor (Wednesday) and get some rest and have another chill day. I have been struggling with negative thoughts surfacing the past hour and a half. I tried distracting myself by watching a movie, cleaning and talking to a friend. I am finally in bed though. Going to try and sleep. 

[xXLexi_Lou122Xx]

Good on you @mspaceK for trying to get some sleep.

I'm sorry that those thoughts are surfacing again. Maybe try thinking about the productivity you did yesterday, and how you're room and what ever else you did is a lot more tidy now?

I wish I can help more, but there's not much that I can do. I'm sorry I wasn't here for you last night. I wasn't allowed on my phone, and I was naughty by trying to sneak on here for a little bit....
Dad didn't find out, but I was being naughty by doing that...


I can't help but think of how, I'm supporting a teacher, who's older than me... I am only in year 8....

Apart from all that stuff, how are you feeling this morning?

[mspaceK]

We are all people in the end, hey? @xXLexi_Lou122Xx  All with our own stories and differences. I guess everyone can learn from anyone, right. I don't care how young you are. To me age is just a number and we can learn and get support and guidance from anyone. Sometimes we just need reminding. And that is the beauty of the internet and anonymity. Please don't apologise. I really appreciate your support whenever you can. I know that I am a teacher - i have a qualification - but to be honest it feels like only yesterday that I was in school. You are a really good listener <3

I am tired - going to try and talk to my KHL counselor. At least i'm not working today. 

[Jess1-RO]

Hi @mspaceK,

I hope you are able to get a hold of the KHL counsellor today, do you have good rapport with them?

It sounds like you had a difficult time getting to sleep last night  What sorts of things do you do to help manage tough thoughts when you are winding down for bed?

Reading all the great strategies you are using to get through tough times, it really shows your strength and resilience  What have you got planned for your day off today?