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TW: Body image and eating issues

TW- I will be talking about eating disorders and body image issues

Hi everyone, for a little while now I have been trying to lose weight. For as long as I can remember I have struggled with body image and self esteem, specifically with my weight, or more so my stomach and not having the ideal body shape/body proportions. I know everyone is beautiful, and I am a massive advocate of body positivity, and I really do believe that beauty is a concept and is totally subjective, and that everyone should love themselves for who they are, but I guess it is easier said than done. 

So, I guess I don't really know whats going on with me, but I don't think I am eating properly.

In the past, when I was in highschool, I also tried to lose weight. So, this isn't really new for me. But I guess I just know I'm not happy with this. 

Right now I am really really hungry, but I feel like I shouldn't eat, and I know i will feel let down if I do. But I also feel kind of like shit right now, I am super hungry, I have no energy, I have a headache, I just overall don't feel good. I feel like I'm not eating a balanced diet, and I'm doing everything wrong. My mum has also kind of caught onto the fact that I am trying to lose weight, but I always try to lie my way out of it, or hide it from her.

I don't think I would have an eating disorder, because I'm still eating. But it feels like whatever I do, I can't lose weight. And the reflective part of me is saying that wanting to lose weight so much and hating myself for not being able to, is a very bad thing mentally, and might be an early indication of an eating disorder if I'm not careful. Or perhaps its already some mild form of an eating disorder? I really just don't know.

But here is the other thing, I want to be healthy. I want to be strong and fit, and I want to take care of my body. But right now, I feel like I just want to lose weight, and I think I'm doing disordered eating because sometimes if i do eat late at night, I end up having a full meal because I'm so hungry. I don't have a real schedule for eating times.

Sorry, a lot of this doesn't make sense. And I'm not sure if I should have even posted this. I don't even really know what I expect as a reply from anyone. I guess has anyone had any experience with this? What should I do? And this may sound stupid, but if I'm really hungry should I eat? Does this sound like an eating disorder or something? 

 

 

Re: Body image and eating issues

@indieinsanus I've had experience with almost exactly the same thing.

Idk if it was an eating disorder because I had a really bad mental health system at the time and know one would listen to me, but I do know it was unhealthy.

 

Firstly, you can definitely eat when your hungry. That's what hunger's for. It's okay to trust it, your body knows what it's doing. Are you hungry at the moment?

 

Also it's possible to have an eating disorder and still eat food. You don't have to literally be dying. It's definitely worth talking to someone about, like a therapist or the Butterfly Foundation.

 

Anyway I'm going to stop now because I'll ramble otherwise but you're not alone, and feel free to tag me if you want to talk to me about it.

Re: Body image and eating issues

Hi @indieinsanus, thank you for sharing your story - it made total sense! It sounds like this experience has been really tough for you. With any type of behaviour, it can help to look at the impact of the behaviour itself rather than if it meets a certain criteria or definition. You mentioned that it is leaving you with no energy, you feel like shit, have been hiding it from your Mum and have a headache.. if you ask me, I think it would be really draining and horrible to feel that way (especially all the time), so it would be worth talking to someone about the impact that your eating habits are having on you. Just to add to what Tiny leaf said, the Butterfly Foundation also has information on eating disorders here too. I am wondering if you have thought of opening up to your Mum about what is happening? Or chatting to a GP or a psychologist?

 

I also wanted to add that I really like that you have been so aware and conscious of the 'reflective part' of yourself. I often see that side of myself as my 'gut' or the 'rational' side of myself which I am trying to learn to trust more. Sometimes it shows itself as the separation between 'I want to do XYZ but I reallly think I should do XYZ'. It might be a little off sometimes but I think it can help to explore that side of yourself Smiley Happy

 

Just so you know, I had to edit some of your post to make sure it is in line with our guidelines around disordered eating. You can have a read of them here.

Re: Body image and eating issues

Hey @indieinsanus 

I hope you're feeling okay today! I think @Tiny_leaf and @Taylor-RO  have given great responses Smiley Happy I just wanted to pop on the thread and check in with you. It sounds like you're going through a really tough time. 

 

I can't really tell you what to do in terms of eating since I'm not a professional but I can say that I am proud of you for reaching out on here and recognising that something's not right. It takes bravery to just explain a difficult situation online! Smiley Happy

 

Keep in touch and update us here when you're ready! I hope you have a much better day today Heart

Re: Body image and eating issues

@ayrc_1904 @Taylor-RO @Tiny_leaf 

Thank you for your support.

I haven't really considered telling my mum, because she is quite blunt with these things and I know she would just think im being stupid. She already has a little go at me when she thinks im not eating enough. Which I know is out of care, but if I did tell her I just know it wouldn't be much of a conversation. 

Sorry by the way about my post, I should have read the guidelines first, and now that you edited it I can see and understand what I shouldn't have put in there. 

I think for me, this thing is probably more tormenting for my mind than my body at the moment. I think it is taking a toll on my mental state to be this consumed with my body image and my eating. 

I also just want to say I don't think its really bad, but I also don't think its really good. But I don't think I would allow myself to get to a really bad point with my health, but still, I know this isn't exactly healthy either. 

I have tried to talk to butterfly foundation last night, but they were too busy. So I think I will try again today. 

Thank you everyone. I'm feeling okay today. I think when I feel better mentally, I tend to take care of myself better too. And both impact the other aswell.

Thanks again. <3

 

 

Re: Body image and eating issues

Hey @indieinsanus! I think it’s super common for young adults and teenagers to have similar thoughts and feelings. Unfortunately we’re constantly exposed to unrealistic beauty standards and the expectation that we should be a size 000 rather than be healthy, fit and strong. When I was younger I definitely had similar thoughts and I know the majority of my friends did as well. I know it’s easier said than done but I look at food as a way of fuelling my body. It gives me energy and keeps me functioning at my peak- it shouldn’t be something that I’m scared of. Have you tried speaking to your friends or those close to you about it? I’m sure there would be others around you who are in the same boat and could share some insight. It’s so great to hear that you’ve tried to contact the butterfly foundation. Hopefully you can get in touch with them soon! 

Re: TW: Body image and eating issues

Hi @indieinsanus, I'm sorry that you are experiencing body image issue. This is an issue that many people had experienced before or are experiencing now. I've been struggling with my body weight and body shape for several years since I realise the society image for a woman, and I know that is not mentally healthy for me force myself become a person that meets the social standards, but it is very hard to control myself because we are living in a world with people and media who are emphasising those things. And I started from disordered eating, keeping thin and forcing myself to exercise to a more smooth way of maintaining balance between weight and health. It really takes a long time and it's mentally suffering for me to change this cognition and eating style on my own. So I guess you should see a psychologist to see whether you meet the diagnosis for eating disorder and changing your current cognition with body images, because it's hard change the society and what we can do is to change how we see these things.

Re: TW: Body image and eating issues

I can understand why you don’t want to tell your parents! I long time ago had skipped lunch for losing weight and when my parents found out, they forced me to eat when I was not hungry or to eat more even when I was full… Man Embarassed

BTW I am glad to hear that you're concerned about your well-being Heart . I am not an expert in the diagnosis and treatment of eating disorder but your circumstances are unique in that you too agree that beauty is subjective, quite a positive attitude to weight loss and body image?! So I think maybe you can talk to a nutritionist? and mine provided tips on how to eat MOREEEE to lose weight Smiley LOL !

Hope that helps a little.

Re: TW: Body image and eating issues

I can understand why you don’t want to tell your parents Smiley LOL ! I long time ago had skipped lunch for losing weight and when my parents found out, they forced me to eat when I was not hungry or to eat more even when I was full… Man Embarassed

BTW I am glad to hear that you're concerned about your well-being Heart . I am not an expert in the diagnosis and treatment of eating disorder but your circumstances are unique in that you too agree that beauty is subjective, quite a positive attitude to weight loss and body image! So I think maybe you can talk to a nutritionist ?! as mine provided tips on how to eat moreeee to lose weight!

Hope that helps a little Smiley Wink .

Re: TW: Body image and eating issues

@new1234567I have a feeling my parents would have a similar approach. I think I will try to talk to a professional and someone who deals with health. I want to be healthy, so I think I'm going to try focusing on that.

Thank you for your support <3