TW: Chat

Hi @Red_Flamingo ,

Sorry to hear you are feeling so sad right now. It must be so exhausting for you to feel like you have to put on a brave face in front of your family and not be able to show your authentic self. I also hear how frustrating it is for you to be told what to do. You wish for your parents to recognise how much you have grown as a person who has been living independently for some time and managing all the responsibilities that come along with that.

I understand that what you really need right now is some personal space to feel your emotions without the need to explain yourself to your parents. Do you have a private space in the home such as a bedroom you could retreat to?

Given these strong emotions you are experiencing at the moment I wonder if there is anything you can do to take care of yourself while you are staying at your parents? Or even just a fun activity you could do to distract yourself?

Hi @Shiv-RO 

Thank you. 

Yes it is hard to put a brave face. I also feel like it's a setback, you mention being authentic I've been trying to work on that for the past few months and just the content show of seeming okay takes that all away. 

I only have my bedroom, but I'd never go down there unless I'm going to bed, getting dressed or studying (when I lived lived here) and now as well. Mum wouldn't let me go and watch tv in my room. 

I'm just working on an essay at the moment. I'm going out for lunch with my Pop on Tuesday and my ballet friends on Thursday. I don't really have a lot else to do. Mum and I are going to the movies on Monday. That's it. 

Hey @Red_Flamingo 

I’m doing pretty well. How are you? So ready for the uni break. Has your break started?

I haven’t really been up to much. My friends are celebrating Christmas tomorrow so I’m looking forward to it. I need to get quite a lot done before then. Ah well. What have you been up to? How’s your art piece going?

Hi @Lapis_Anteater 

Nice to hear from you. 

That's good to hear. I bet you are. Well, I finished sem two a while ago, but for my one summer unit yet, I have an essay plan due on the first of January. 

That will be nice, what are you going to do? Will you do anything on Christmas? 

I've been packing up my room, ready to move next year. Yeah, it's alright. I ran out of paste, so I'll get some more in the new year. 

I'm going to my parents today. I fly out at 7:45 pm. I also did my psych today, which was good. We talked about how I'm going to see Granny tomorrow at the cemetery. That will be good and sad at the same time. I do hope I get closure visiting. The only thing is I'm going out for dinner that night with my dad's side of the family for Christmas. I just don't want to be all bumped out after going to the grave site. On Christmas day, everyone on my mum's side is coming for lunch - dinner. There will be 17 people, so it's going to be a bit of an adjustment. I feel like I've been so alone for such a lengthy period of time. I'm used to it. Even though I don't like it, as no one does, having to put that mask back up if I'm not feeling good and having to suppress my emotions when I'm around family will be hard. 

Hey @Red_Flamingo 

Ah fair.

I think we’re going to play video games, make gingerbread, and eat. Nah, I don’t have anything plan for Christmas.

I hope it’s a good change for you!

7:45pm isn’t too late. Are you decently close to the airport?

I’m glad your psych went well. Yeah, that’s completely fair. It’s really hard to act happy or even being around a bunch of people immediately after something depressing.

17 people is a lot. Is there anywhere you can escape to if it becomes too much and need a break?

Ah, okay, do you live on your own or with other people? 

Yes, so do I @Lapis_Anteater 

Yeah, it's like 15 minutes away, so that's good. For today, I have to get a train and the bus, so it will take at least an hour, if not longer, being peak hour. 

Hmmm, not really. Some of the adults (parents, mainly my mum) like to have everyone around. It might be hard to leave for 10 minutes without someone noticing and saying something. I'll try if I need to. 

Hey @Red_Flamingo 

How was your flight? Have things been travelling okay? How did dinner go?

I live with my mum and brother.

15 minutes isn’t too bad. 

Ah that’s tough. Hopefully you can find some way to be comfortable.

Hi @Lapis_Anteater 

My mother is so unfair. She came into my room and woke me up at 7:45 am and said, Come on, we need to go and get the groceries now. Then I went upstairs to have breakfast first, and she said let's go. I said I needed to shower first, and she went off her head at me. I told Mum you can't expect me to be ready, dressed showered and have breakfast before I'm awake how can I do that? She had an unfair expectation and was very angry at me. I tried to tell her it was unfair, but she didn't seem to agree. 

Anyway, we've started the shopping one shop down and like 100 to go. 

I just don't understand why she has to act like this. 

I also have an appointment I booked five weeks ago I'm getting my legs waxed and she said how could I be so inconvinent because it's at 12:15 when I'm helping her with all the grocery shopping she never asked if I would help she assumed I would. I was going to help but still. 

Anyway it doesn't matter ill just have to put up with her and cry somehow. I don't know when or how I can’t go anywhere. 

 tried to explain how I felt and she just goes off at me more. It’s hard to explain. I suppose every family dynamic is different. 
she just doesn’t think I have a life outside of her and that I’ll do everything she wants. She said she didn’t even think that I might be busy doing something today. 

I just want to be able to cry so badly. Hopefully, I can go for a walk tomorrow to the nice water lookout and there is a small area where there are seats so I can go cry there, but I highly doubt I'll be able to leave her. 

She thinks I'm 12 or something when I'm not I'm 20 that's what's annoying as well. How she treats me like I'm so little. I've changed a lot this year, and learnt a lot about myself and my needs. They are different to what my needs and boundaries were a year ago. 

This is just from somewhere else, it will give you an idea of how today has been with my mother. 

I just hate suppressing my emotions. 

The dinner was alright thank you. How are you?

Hey @Red_Flamingo 

That really sucks. I’m guessing she’s stressed about the holidays but it’s not fair for her to take it out on you.  

Feeling like you have to suppress your feelings around your mum is really tough. It sounds like you are required to walk on eggs shells around her to a certain extent.

Hopefully you’ll get some alone time soon.

Parents sometimes create a very specific image of you and what you need that’s exceedingly difficult to change. Also, for some reason boundaries are so difficult for them to grasp. Like if you knock on my door please wait until I say you can come in before you come in. It’s a trivial example but it bugs me.

I find that suppressing emotions just makes them stronger and then eventually I have to deal with these ridiculously big feelings.

I’m glad the dinner went okay. How was visiting your grandma?

I’m going alright. My friends came. It was a good time. Last time I saw some of them was in April. The day went quickly which doesn’t typically happen for me during social situations.

Thank you @Lapis_Anteater 

I just wish she would understand I'm not a little girl anymore and that I'm a young adult. Then I get in trouble for complaining about them having unrealistic expectations. Things go both ways. 

Yes exactly. That is the one reason why I prefer to be at uni. It's so hard that I don't get any time to go and cry or whatever. The only time I get it is when I go to bed, but by that time, I'm too tired and ready for sleep, so I don't cry. When I go back on the 5th of January, I think there will be a lot of tears that night. However, mum and dad are saying for a bit. Dad the 8th and mum the 12th. So fun. 

It was okay, I guess. I cried a bit but tried to avoid it. Lol, silly me doing it even more. 

That's good you had fun. Hmm, that's interesting. I wonder why the day went faster. What do you say about them not going quickly normally? Do you not like being in social situations? 

Hey @Red_Flamingo 

That’s completely fair. It sounds like a situation you where you can’t win.

That’s a long time to have to suppress your emotions for. But it is good to know when things can go back to normal.

I find social situations really tiring. After a couple of hours, it feels like everything is going slowly and I want people to leave so I can be alone a recharge.

How was your day today? Did you get up to much? How are the Christmas preparations going?

Yes, I know. I don't think I'll win. Tomorrow will be better, though. 

Yes, I know. I don't know how I'll cope too well. I can't go on for weeks with suppressing.

Ah okay are you an introvert @Lapis_Anteater 

It's been challenging with my mum but oh well. Did a bit of prep today. 

Hey @Red_Flamingo 

(In response to your other post)

I’m glad Christmas was good. It’s nice that your mum got you good clothing.

That should be fun!

Yeah, that’s completely fair.

It can easily feel like you’ve wasted the year when you’re depressed. It’s a lot harder to see all the things you’ve accomplished and it’s understandable to feel bad when everyone is talking about all the stuff they did. But I think not having SI is a massive accomplishment and something you can be really proud of.

What movie will/did you see? How’s your plan going?

Hi @Lapis_Anteater 

Thank you. 

Yes, I do feel like that. Mmm, I guess so. There are still a lot of other things that are bad, but it is good. 

Well, I've ended up being sick since 1 am this morning, so I didn't end up going. I've only had two slices of toast all day. At least I've kept them down. I don't even know why I've been sick. How are you?

Hey @Red_Flamingo 

Oh no! Hopefully it was one of those 24-hour bugs. It’s a shame you didn’t get to go. Will you be able to the movies soon? Getting sick for no reason sucks. Are you feeling any better?

I’m doing okay. My brother has been around for the holidays, so we’ve been playing a lot of video games. Other than that, I haven’t really done much. But it’s been relaxing which is always good.

Have you been up to anything? Might be a bit hard if you’re still unwell/just started recovering.