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TW: Checking in

Hey @Janine-RO! 🙂
Today has been pretty tough actually but I spoke to my new English teacher about my parents moving and how that might affect my school work and she was so supportive. I have been so stressed today! The work load for year 10 at my school is so much and I’m falling behind already. I’m failing. All day I’ve felt on the verge of a panic attack and all this stress is adding to why I want to die. I’m not mentally stable enough to have the ability to keep up with all of this but no one understands and it’s getting worse 😣
I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m being pushed outside my limits. I have no time with gymnastics and work to catch up on school. Every class I had today I was shaking so badly and I was just panicking so bad. I don’t know how long I can deal with this 😣 it only gets harder

Sorry for my little vent.. how are you going today? Heart

Bananatime04
Bananatime04Posted 10-02-2020 03:19 PM

Comments (49 pages)

 
Janine-RO
Janine-ROPosted 09-03-2020 11:42 AM

Really great advice @Bananatime04 ! 

 

I'm a little confused though, you said that you're not meant to be here on the forums at the moment, is that right? As far as we're aware there is no problems at all with you being on the forums, and we would really miss you if you left. 

 

Is everything ok with you? 

 

 

 
 
Bananatime04
Bananatime04Posted 09-03-2020 12:03 PM
Thanks @Janine-RO but.. I can’t talk about myself sorry. People think they’re helping by telling someone else about something I’ve said because they’re worried, but when my mum finds out something from someone else she isn’t happy that someone’s told her. She gets so angry and disappointed. So my only choice is to not talk about myself so please, don’t ask how I’m going. I don’t need help. I can do this alone. I have to do this alone. I’m NEVER talking to anyone about anything to do with me until I’m an adult living on my own.
 
 
 
Janine-RO
Janine-ROPosted 09-03-2020 01:39 PM

Hey @Bananatime04 , 

 

It sounds like you've been pretty shaken by what happened over the weekend, especially with your friend from work reporting what happened to you with the chef and then your mum being contacted, is that right? It must be really hard having your mum being so angry and disappointed, especially when you're having to deal with a lot as it is. 

 

We really hope that ReachOut can continue to be a safe space for you. As you know, there are some limitations around our responsibilities as mandatory reporters for users who are under 18 as well as guidelines around safety, but outside of those, this is a safe and anonymous space. 

 

I can understand why you're wanting to cope with life alone while you're having these feelings and concerns - but I also know that it's a really tough thing to do. We all need support sometimes. 

 

We respect whatever decisions you make,  but please know that the community is here for you, as @Bre-RO  said, it wouldn't be the same without you Heart Heart 

 
 
 
 
Bananatime04
Bananatime04Posted 09-03-2020 01:51 PM
@Janine-RO no. I am not shaken by what happened at work. The guy following me home is the only thing I’m worried about and the thing that caused my panic attack. Seriously, my manager ran into me. It’s fine. It’s not like he raped me so please stop making it seem like it’s a big deal.
The forums will be better. Tiny_leaf will have Lexi and Lexi will have Tiny_leaf and they both won’t have to deal with my shit. Sounds good. Can you delete accounts here?

Sorry I don’t mean to sound rude, but I’m done with my mum always hating me when stuff like this happens. I appreciate your concerns and trust me, you’re wasting your time.

I’m sorry, thank you.
 
 
 
 
 
Tiny_leaf
Tiny_leafPosted 09-03-2020 01:57 PM

@Bananatime04 I would miss you.

And I'm pretty sure @xXLexi_Lou122Xx would miss you.

If we didn't want to deal with you we just.. wouldn't.

 
 
 
 
 
Bananatime04
Bananatime04Posted 09-03-2020 02:12 PM
But.. my mum.. she’s so angry 😥 she hates me for talking to other people about my shit and not talking to her. She said I need professional help but I can’t make use of it because I’m not able to be open without shit being reported. She went off at me for putting pressure on my coworker and I’m sure if she found out about me putting all my shit on here too, she would go off because you guys aren’t professionals. No one understands! Everyone is against me
When these 6 sessions with this stupid professional are over, my mask will be in use.
 
 
 
 
 
Tiny_leaf
Tiny_leafPosted 09-03-2020 02:16 PM

@Bananatime04 my mum sometimes gets angry when I talk to other people about stuff too. 

She wouldn't bee happy if she found out that I didn't tell her all the stuff I told you guys.

But that's why the forums are anonymous. 

 
 
 
 
 
Bananatime04
Bananatime04Posted 09-03-2020 02:19 PM
But let’s be honest.. they aren’t anonymous. The community managers know my name, I think they know where I live and they know so much about me. And they have reported something before which did get to my mum.
I think we should stop talking in Lexi’s thread. I just wanted to help her with homework, not talk about me
 
 
 
 
 
Janine-RO
Janine-ROPosted 09-03-2020 02:52 PM

Hey @Bananatime04 , 

 

I'm sorry to hear that your mum got angry with you, and I can understand that feeling like your mum is hating you after stuff happens would be really hard. We do have responsibilities as mandatory reporters if there's ever a young person at risk, as per our community guidelines, and we understand that's sometimes hard. We do work hard to keep this a safe space Heart Heart .

 

I'm really sorry that you're going through such a tough time, we are all thinking of you. The community is always here for you. 

 

 
 
 
 
 
Bananatime04
Bananatime04Posted 09-03-2020 02:58 PM
@Janine-RO would you be able to like delete these posts? I don’t think it’s fair on Lexi.. I just hate leaving people on read and not responding
 
 
 
 
 
Janine-RO
Janine-ROPosted 09-03-2020 03:15 PM

Heya @Bananatime04 , I can move these over to your thread if you like? 

 
 
 
 
 
Bananatime04
Bananatime04Posted 09-03-2020 03:16 PM
Sure..
@Janine-RO I’m not gonna be posting anymore though. I’m done
 
 
 
 
 
Bananatime04
Bananatime04Posted 09-03-2020 02:54 PM
I’m NOT at risk though
 
Janine-RO
Janine-ROPosted 10-02-2020 03:43 PM

Hi @Bananatime04

 

I'm sorry that it's been a tough day, but that's brilliant that you opened up to your new teacher about what's going on for you, it can take a lot of courage to let people know that life is a bit hard and I really admire you for doing that 🙂 Hopefully now that they know that you have a lot going on at home, she may also be able to help you out with extra time, if you need it? It can definitely be a big adjustment getting back into study after the long summer break anyway, let alone when you've had a lot of other stuff to deal with. 

 

I hear that you're struggling - I think you said that you'll be seeing your counsellor soon, is that right? Do you feel comfortable talking to her about these thoughts? It could be a good idea to make a safety plan with her, if that's something you haven't done already - we really care about you, and your safety is the most important thing Heart I'm glad that you're able to vent here too 🙂 I'm well thank you, huge storms in Sydney over the weekend but it's a lot calmer today thankfully 🙂

 

 
 
Bananatime04
Bananatime04Posted 10-02-2020 03:53 PM
Thank you so much @Janine-RO! Heart I really admire you’re support that you offer here! ReachOut Really hit the jackpot!

I don’t really like asking for extra time as that builds up even more work. I’ll probably end up submitting things that I haven’t even been able to complete to my best ability but it’s fine.

Um.. well remember I was supposed to meet my new psychologist and psychiatrist this month? Yea.. last night I made my mum cancel them. I was supposed to meet them tomorrow but I just was so sad last night I just can’t 😩 I’m sorry for being such a disappointment

I saw the school counsellor last week, that wasn’t helpful. Ugh I hate seeing her. She just asks questions and makes me tell her what’s going on but never offers advice or things that help my situation. I’m not going back. I’m currently just having ReachOut as my support.. and occasionally kids helpline. I’ve really dug myself a huge hole, idk if I can get out this time 😔

I’m glad it’s calmed down today!

Thanks again for everything you give me and the community Heart you too @Jess1-RO!
 
 
 
Janine-RO
Janine-ROPosted 10-02-2020 04:43 PM

Awwww, thank you so much for your kind words @Bananatime04 , it really means a lot Heart Heart 

 

How did your mum feel about cancelling the new psychologist and psychiatrist? I know that it can be really draining and exhausting having to go back through your story and build a relationship with a new mental health professional, but I also hear that you're feeling really sad and distressed sometimes.

 

You always give such wonderful, insightful, and thoughtful advice to other members here - I hope that you can be just as compassionate towards yourself. You are worthy of, and deserve ,help Heart 

 

 

 
 
 
 
Bananatime04
Bananatime04Posted 10-02-2020 07:58 PM
Hey @Janine-RO 🙂 sorry I haven’t replied for so long! I was at training..

I honestly don’t think I’ll be able to go with no professional face to face support for much longer but it’s done now and I’ll have to wait another 4 months if I wanna do it. It’s relieved a lot of stress, not having to open up to basically a stranger.. but it’s made me sad that I’m going to have no one in person. I know I’ve got you guys but this is where my worries come in.. I know I’m gonna be struggling a lot over the next month or two and the fact that I’ve got no other support anymore, I don’t want the same thing to happen. I get so distressed and I begin to talk about things I’d usually just keep for my professional appointments without knowing. I don’t wanna be a distress to other users when I get to my lowest. I feel like I deserve to die honestly 😞

Thank you Heart
 
 
 
 
 
Janine-RO
Janine-ROPosted 11-02-2020 09:48 AM

Hi @Bananatime04 , 

 

You absolutely do not deserve to die, and I'm so sorry that you are experiencing those feelings. 

 

We are really glad that you're a part of this community, and we are always here to support you, but we're not a clinical service, and we can't provide one to one support. We care about you and all of our users, and it does sound like professional supports would be really beneficial for you at the moment - as you say, you're going to have a lot to deal with in the next month or so. 

 

Do you think you might be able to look at getting professional help to assist you through this time? 

 

I can really empathise with how hard it can be to start up a relationship with a new mental health professional, but I know that for me personally in the past when I've been through tough times, it's really helped a lot. 

 

You say your mum only called yesterday to cancel, have I got that right? Do you think she would be able to contact them again, to see if you can get back in to see them?  You definitely wouldn't be the first person to get cold feet, and they may be able to squeeze you in again.

 

You are worthy, and deserving, of help Heart Heart 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
Bananatime04
Bananatime04Posted 11-02-2020 04:00 PM
Thanks @Janine-RO Heart
Today I got through a lot of homework so I feel a little less stressed 🙂 still have a bit more though..

I don’t think that it’s possible because the place I was going is a REALLY busy place and was so hard to get started with them.. considering it took 4 months for me to Get a chance to meet them after my referral, I would hate to know the time I’d have between sessions. I doubt that would help me as I find on going, frequent support helpful. I know ReachOut isn’t a counselling service but the fact that I can talk to people going through the same things, read support you guys offer other users and see all the love here, really really makes me feel so less lonely and helps me a lot. It’s ok, I will be fine. I have my khl counsellor. If worst comes to worst then.. there’s just nothing I can do about it and that’s fine. Please don’t worry about me.

Thank you so much for your uplifting words Heart
 
 
 
 
 
Bananatime04
Bananatime04Posted 11-02-2020 04:36 PM

Oh 😞 a new thread.. sorry
Um why are they still called chit chat?

 
 
 
 
 
Jess1-RO
Jess1-ROPosted 11-02-2020 04:42 PM

Hi @Bananatime04 

 

We have just moved your posts to here so you have the space to talk this through more with the community Heart 

 

The thread name can get confused when we move threads, so I have just renamed my response here, when you reply to it all new posts on this thread should have the new name too

 
 
 
 
 
Bananatime04
Bananatime04Posted 11-02-2020 04:48 PM
Ok thanks @Jess1-RO Heart
I don’t know why but sometimes I just feel guilty having my own thread 😞 I don’t deserve my own space
 
 
 
 
 
Janine-RO
Janine-ROPosted 11-02-2020 04:55 PM

Hi @Bananatime04 , please don't feel guilty, and you absolutely deserve your own space! 

 

We sometimes need to move some posts out of chit chat, just to keep that space for more light hearted things, and also to make sure posts get the right attention and support. Does that make sense? I know it can be a bit annoying when the names change over, we just need to do a bit of board 'housekeeping' sometimes to help keep the forums the best place they can be for all of our users Heart 

 

It was really good to hear from you today, and it's great that you're still going to speak to your KHL counsellor if needed. We all care about you here, and want to see you getting the right supports, your safety is the most important thing. You give such wonderful support to the community here, and you also deserve great support yourself  Heart 

 

 

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