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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

Hey @SomeoneNADJS

 

Just thought I'd check in with you this afternoon, and ask how you're going. It looks like you had a bit of a stressful night last night, but I am glad to hear that you were feeling better last night. It makes sense that you would be feeling anxious about starting HRT, as it would be a big change, and is a long process, even if it is something you want in the end. 

It might be a good idea to focus on talking through some of these anxieties with your therapist. Maybe you could write down you biggest concerns, and then bring them up in your next appointment?

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R@Andrea-RO I'm not going so great. Haven't talked with Ce today. I've been really stressed out over school work today and our mum keeps scaring me into thinking that we might have to repeat the year if I don't go to classes and do the work (which our anxiety is preventing). HRT is still something I've been thinking about today, but we still probably will need about another month and a half minimum before we would be able to begin, as an estimate.

 

That might be a good idea, before she goes on leave for a month.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

Hey @SomeoneNADJS 

 

Sorry to read that school has you stressed.  It's unsurprising as school can be really intense.  I'm wondering if you could break your school work down into separate tasks?  Maybe start with the easiest task first and go from there?  I find when I do that my anxious feeling lessens.

 

Hope this helps Heart

Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R@TOM-RO Thanks.

 

I’ve been really suicidal the past two days. I’ve been pretty bad this morning and yesterday I could barely get anything done I was feeling so bad. I’m still safe though even though I don’t really want to be because of the system rule and because I saw on Wikipedia (the world’s most trustworthy website) that only 8% of attempts actually work, so that’s been a bit discouraging.

 

Also we have a new in-system issue to deal with. One of us will explain later.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS 

 

Hey R

 

It's good to see you come here and tell us about what's going on for you. I'm really hearing just how hard things have been, especially in the past two days. Thank you for coming here to tell us how you're feeling (and I hope to hear from other system-mates on how they are feeling, if they want to share). I'm glad to hear that you are all safe but I can sense that there is a lot of pain being experienced by yourself and other system-mates.

 

Know that we are here for each of you and that this community is a safe space where you can share and express, from the perspective of each system-mate. Whenever you feel comfortable to share the new in-system issue that you're dealing with, we will be here to listen and support how we can Heart 

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R] Damn. I had everything typed out and then it all got deleted without saving as a draft.

 

Thanks @Bre-RO.

 

There’s a new person (who we’ll call Du) who seems to be a split off part of me that’s now separate. Not sure what we’re going to do with her, but she seems nice. I’d like her to stick around, but I’m not sure what’s going to happen about her, especially since we’re still figuring out what to do with V.

 

Also, psychologist’s didn’t go well. Because it didn’t go at all. Our appointment got cancelled.

 

Also also, I’m a bit annoyed that we have a larger system than most others we’ve met but barely anyone is willing to switch in most of the time because they’re afraid of dysphoria and suicidal feelings. A*’s talked to both D and I about feeling guilty about not switching in when I need it. Although that is the job that L’s supposed to do, but I don’t think I’ve talked to her since the weekend.

 

[Du] I also wanted to thank you @Bre-RO. I don’t have much to add, but personally I hope since I used to be a piece of R that I’ll be allowed to stay.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

Hey @SomeoneNADJS

 

It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate at the moment! I'm glad to hear that you've largely been feeling comfortable with your new system-mates, even if you're not 100% certain on what's going to happen with everyone. 

 

I'm really sorry to hear that your psychologist appointment was cancelled. It always sucks when we aren't able to see a health professional when we need to, but it can be made doubly bad when things are cancelled out of our control. Have you been able to re-book an appointment?


I can also hear how stressed about not being able to engage your entire system, particularly when most of your system-mates are unable to switch in due to their concerns over dysphoria and suicidal feelings. What are your thoughts on developing some system-wide coping strategies to help with these feelings? It sounds like it could be a lot of responsibility for only one person to be designated to deal with all these feelings all the time, so maybe it would be better if everyone shared the load, and had coping mechanisms to deal with them as they came up?

 

 

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R@Andrea-RO Thanks for your message. We can’t book another appointment with her because she’s on leave for a month, but I’m going to talk to our trans-specialised psychologist at some point to talk about HRT.

 

That would be good if we could do that. Ce has been designated for helping with suicidal feelings, but it doesn’t really work if she gets suicidal and miserable herself. It would be good to share the load if everyone wasn’t so afraid to.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS  Hey [R], it's nice to hear from you - that's really excellent that you have a trans-specialised psychologist as part of your team. It's frustrating that your regular psych is on leave now for a month though, and it sounds like it must be pretty stressful for the system having an increase in members like this over a pretty short period of time. 

 

It's great that Ce is designated like that, it sounds like a really protective thing for the whole system, but like you say, hopefully with time the rest of the system can share the load. I imagine it would be a heavy burden. 

 

How are you feeling today? 

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Check out our community activities calendar for April 2020 here
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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R@Janine-RO I’m not doing too well. We’re all still trying to figure out how to manage things.

 

I’ve been able to make it to classes for one subject because the only other enrolled student is away in the UK.

 

A friend just came to see me a few minutes ago to try and get me to come to class because she misses me. And it sucks because I feel like I’m stuck here and I’m too scared to leave.

I also went on Headspace last night, and after a long wait, someone came on and helped with me feeling suicidal. I also got to talk about some system stuff that I needed to.

 

Even though a few members have chosen designations, they’re not always finding it easy to deal with them. Ce’s been starting to feel overwhelmed when I go to her when I’m suicidal, and a bunch of members still don’t know what to do. I’ve also stuffed up because I’ve self-harmed today and even though it’s nearly 12 I haven’t been able to do a single thing of work because I’m either panicking or procrastinating. I’m safe now though and I don’t think I’ll hurt myself again.

 

I don’t know what to do. I’m scared to trust anyone. And I really want to die a lot of the time (safe atm).