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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R@TOM-RO It was hard.

 

It feels like I'm somehow faking the flashbacks or something. And I feel like it's my fault for thinking our trauma is even trauma and that I might have placeboed us into thinking it's trauma.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[CeR just had a bad experience. Someone new switched in and lay in the middle of the floor in the dark, and then R switched in again. I just saw her in pain so I switched in so she didn't have to stay switched in herself. I'm worried about her. I hope she's okay. I think she might have had a bit of amnesia too, I'm not sure.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R] I feel dissociated. I feel like I want to die and I don't want to deal with anything anymore. I'm so scared of having a disorder. I thought we were a non-disordered system. Are we still that somehow?

 

I want to self-harm but I can't because I don't have anything to do it with. I'm safe at the moment but I'm really worried our brain is still faking everything. It's faking En and N, it's faking our trauma, it's faking our grey outs, it's faking our flashbacks. This can't be real. It's all in our head.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS are you safe right now?

And if so, would you like to talk t through it?

Or if not would you like to brainstorm some ways to keep yourself safe?

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R@Tiny_leaf I think I'm safe right now, but I'm tempted to do something unsafe.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS is your mum at home right now?

Or your puppies?

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

Hey @SomeoneNADJS

 

I've just been watching your conversation with @Tiny_leaf, and a couple of things you have mentioned are a bit concerning, and I am worried about how you're going right now. Tiny_leaf has given some really fantastic advice and I also wanted to echo their question about whether your mum was home at the moment?

It sounds like you're really struggling with the preoccupation that your trauma might be fake. I can only imagine how painful it must be to have those thoughts ruminating for you. If you like, we can have a talk on the forums about how sometimes it can be better for your wellbeing to categorise your thoughts as helpful/unhelpful, and then we can brainstorm some ways to deal wiht unhelpful thoughts?

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R] @Tiny_leaf @Andrea-RO Yeah, mum's home. I was going to do something dangerous before but I got too scared to. I'm safe now. I don't know if thinking it's all fake is going to be helpful or not. I just don't want to have trauma or DID/OSDD; I don't want any part of it. I'm in a lot of pain rn.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

I am really relieved to hear that you're safe @SomeoneNADJS, and I am glad to hear that your mum is home. I really feel for how exhausted and tired you must be - it can be extremely draining to have to manage these sorts of painful thoughts all the time.

From the sounds of things, you see these thoughts around your trauma as unhelpful, and are making you feel worse. Sometimes it can be helpful to challenge these thoughts - does it matter if things may or may not be fake? What is really important is your experience. What you feel, and how you exist in the world is, and always will be, valid. 

I found a resource on helpful and unhelpful thinking, that may be good to take a look at later when you are feeling a little more calm. I've linked it here. Until then would you like to brainstorm some self-care ideas for right now?

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R@Andrea-RO To me it matters because I feel like if our trauma wasn't enough, then it couldn't have caused our system as a child and that would mean our brain would be faking what's happening to us.

 

Yes please, I would like some self-care ideas. I'll take a look at the link too.