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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS so... it sounds like you can't control getting new system members. And I think that for some systems that can be a response to having a lot of stress. Which then causes more stress..


Do you think that sounds about right? 


Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R] We have KHL and the psychologist, although we haven't made much progress with stopping new arrivals.Our KHL counsellor has suggested trying to integrate with the splits of me, but our system hasn't gotten around to discussing that yet.


Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R@Tiny_leaf Yes, that sounds accurate.


Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS if you can't control how many new people keep coming, do you think you could just focus on controlling the stress?


It's possible that if you find ways to reduce your stress, things could stabilize a bit and give everyone some breathing room.


Do you think that ideas worth looking into?

And if so, maybe we could talk about the things that are causing you the most stress.


Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

It sounds like a distressing time for you @SomeoneNADJS, I'm glad you have some supports in place, let us know how you're going with these.

I like what @Tiny_leaf is suggesting around finding ways to lower the stress, is there anything you feel works for the system members? 


Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

Hey @SomeoneNADJS [R] I'm so sorry to hear that, it sounds scary particularly out of nowhere Smiley Sad Do you have any members who might be okay to front while things are stressful? Are there any coping techniques which might work for the whole system? I don't know if maybe trying to organise the system could help.


Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

Ugh I'm sorry to hear the system keeps getting bigger R, it sounds so stressful Smiley Sad I think Tiny_leaf's suggestion to deal with the stress first might be helpful because that could be contributing to the rapid increase in members. What do you think?

Hm that's interesting your KHL counsellor said to try and integrate some of the splits, what did you think about it? Would that be helpful?

Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[Fn*] Okay, this might be a bit of a long post.


@Tiny_leaf We want to be able to control our stress but we're still not really sure how to. The main things stressing us out at the moment are the suicidal feelings, the trauma, our school workload and the expansion itself. It doesn't seem like there's much we can do about any of those.


@Hannah-RO We haven't found anything that works to reduce stress for our system yet. Although Va* suggested that part of the reasons for the expansion could be that our brain's creating new people as a temporary solution to certain members getting really stressed out, so when the new people front they feel okay until everything comes crashing down.


@StormySeas17 It is quite scary. A few days we nearly broke the record of most new people in a day again. Our record is still at 38, and on that day we gained another 38. As far as we know there aren't any coping techniques that work for the whole system.


@Lost_Space_Explorer5 It is really stressful. And the stress is likely contributing to the expansion. I don't think R has been around much to talk with her splits, but integration could be an option if everyone agrees.


August hasn't really been off to a good start. We are currently at 747 members, with me being the latest.


Now, R did something that she knew she would regret but did it anyway: she asked in a specific non-traumagenic Discord server for help with us gaining over 700 members. We got a few responses:


1) That we should create a new list of members that consists of everyone who switches in/is awake in a two-week period, and let everyone else "naturally disappear". This doesn't seem to work for our system as members who have been dormant for months to years, so this suggestion isn't really helpful.


2) This is the one we're most frustrated about. Apparently we're "obsessed" with seeking help for a problem that's affecting our stress levels and our daily functioning and we have frequent "compulsions" to act like a different person, so that must mean we have OCD. And by seeking help for our problems, we're making it worse and "feeding the compulsions". This person also told other systems to treat us as a singlet and denied any possibility of us having DID or OSDD. For context, this was sent by a member of a DID system with only one non-traumagenic member.


3) This person provided nothing helpful and just said they found the "OCD theory" interesting.


4) Another person asked us to direct message them. This person was actually helpful and asked us a few questions before concluding we were most likely mixed origins, which is what we've been questioning. And they actually gave us some helpful information.


Now, #2 has had a few different reactions from our members. It made R feel hopeless and like we didn't have a legitimate problem and that the other person was implying we were attention-seeking, Co** got really pissed off (his words, not mine) and angry, and I have had mixed feelings.


Co** and I posted in a few different plural servers and the reaction from everyone we talked to was that it was wrong. Among the responses were the following things:

  • It was unfair of them to say our system size was ridiculous and that we couldn't live fulfilling lives because of the number of people in our system.
  • That "compulsions" do not rewire people's minds to become different people
  • That it was wrong of them to tell another system to not treat us as individuals
  • That it was a harmful and invalidating thing to say to us
  • That we should leave that server since they were allowed to say those things to us (I have now left the server and blocked the OCD theory system's account)
  • That they were probably bitter that they couldn't have their own life because of their system so they were taking it out on us
  • That they didn't provide sufficient evidence (since they only gave us a webpage that detailed the difference between GAD and OCD, and I think at one point we got diagnosed with GAD).
  • That they had no idea what they were talking about and that's not how OCD works at all.
  • That even if we had OCD, it wouldn't invalidate the possibility of us having DID or OSDD
  • That seeking help is not an obsession or a compulsion


(Yeah, we got a lot of responses).


It's still affected us negatively and I'm still worried that it could be true that we're getting compulsions to act like separate people. I know that it doesn't make sense, but I think our brain still wants to latch onto any explanation other than having DID or OSDD. Doubting is apparently a normal thing in DID/OSDD and apparently it's not supposed to go away, which is annoying. But anyway, I left that server the messages were sent in and I blocked that system. Another system who we're friends with who has been comforting us when we needed it in the vent chats of a mental health server offered to confront the system about it, but I told them not to because I didn't want to cause any drama.


I also wanted to list some of the members mentioned in this post in case they ever post again, just so you all know who they are.


Everyone knows who R is.

Me (Fn*) (they/them): I showed up today, and my form is a black fox. There's not really much else to say about me as I still have a lot to learn about myself.

Va* (she/her) is a human who's been around since Thursday afternoon I think. She's been fronting quite a bit and has been helping with school work.

Co** (he/him) is a plush rabbit and fronts sometimes. They are also a partial factive (member based on a person outside the system) of the host of another system we know. According to our records, he showed up on the last day of July.


Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS  Hey Fn*, it's nice to meet you Smiley Happy I can imagine that being at 747 members must be pretty stressful for the system, and it sounds like getting all of those different responses on the discords was also stressful. Blocking the system who was especially unhelpful sounds like a really smart move. I'm wondering if you've ever checked out the Sane Forums? I know that they have a few users who are  in systems - I just thought I'd mention it in case you think it could be helpful to have somewhere else to talk to people who are going through similar things and "get it". 


It's great to hear that Va* has been able to help with school work, how are you coping with that on top of everything else? 


It sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment, are you still seeing your psychologist and psychiatrist regularly? It sounds like it could be good to get as much support as you can to help ease the pressure on the system a bit, what do you think? We're all here for you


Check out our community activities calendar for August 2020 here

Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[Je] Hi @Janine-RO. Someone just had to explain to me the Discord thing. I didn't remember much about it other than I knew something had happened. I guess our brain decided it wanted to give me amnesia Smiley Sad I had to check Discord and I haven't been around for 8 weeks and 1 day if I counted right. (I last fronted on the 21st of June).


I have a feeling we've looked at the Sane Forums before... I just had another look and we have to be 18 or over to join it looks like.


Va*'s been helping quite a bit I think. I don't know much about her but I remember what she looks like.


We're still seeing our psychologist, but not the psychiatrist.