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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

R- I'm so glad you went to the police station and that you're still here. It was really brave of you to reach out for support when you were feeling so bad. How are you going this evening? Is there anything we can help with?

Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[Hc] Hi. I haven't spoken here before. I'm Hc, and I'm female and use she/her pronouns. I formed around late August but haven't been up again until yesterday.

 

At the hospital, R got some support and along with a mental health team and the body's parents, made a new safety plan. Our mum did end up telling the people at the hospital about our system, and of course no one there had heard of anything like it before.

 

R did kind of have a bit of an anxiety attack or something yesterday though. We were going to have some people come over to take a look at our air conditioner, but they came five hours early and R got scared that it might have been the people from the hospital. Apparently we're supposed to get a follow-up phone call from them at around 4-7pm today.

 

Also, the hospital people and the police were apparently dreadful with using our correct name and pronouns, despite R telling them several times that we don't use that name or persona anymore. Also I remember this one guy at the hospital asking questions like, "Are you comfortable having a penis?" which I kind of feel like that was a bit creepy. This was also apparently after R told them that it wasn't mainly related to us having a trans body.

 

I think R has been doing a bit better since we got home, but we are kind of having a bit of a problem at the moment. We're still recovering from the fact we basically didn't get a holiday break because we've had to work pretty much all holidays to catch up on our work, and this week we're supposed to be starting the first week's work, but we're still stuck on the last sections of work for the holidays for Maths and English.

 

Maths I don't think is going too badly, idk, but with English, we forgot to read the Shakespeare play we're doing (Richard III) and we're struggling with finishing the work but R kept telling our mum that we were nearly done but we're only about halfway through. I don't know what to do about that.

 

I'm also feeling a bit hopeless because our system has expanded more after the stress of R's Friday morning outing and I just wish there was some way I could contribute to fixing our problems. But it just feels like there's nothing we can do to stop anything. Our psychiatrist's advice of "bring (body's name) back" is a load of crap, and I think R told our psychologist that yesterday. I think R said something like she doesn't think our psychiatrist knows what being a system means.

Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS  Hi Hc, it's nice to meet you - first of all, I just wanted to say how glad we are that you were able to get yourself help, it shows so much strength and resourcefulness. Do you feel like the new safety plan that R made at the hospital is something that will be helpful for you in the future? 

 

I'm sorry to hear that the hospital weren't good at using your correct names and pronouns, that's pretty disappointing. If you feel up to it, that's definitely feedback you could give to the hospital-  if you google 'feedback to public hospital in [your state]" you should be able to find info about how to do that. 

 

It's been a really full on week by the sounds of things, and I can totally understand why you'd feel like you need a bit of a break! Do you think you could give yourself a few days 'off'? I know it's not quite the same, but when I was studying and hit the wall I did sometimes track down movie versions of what I was reading, I'm pretty sure there's a few different productions (film and stage ) of Richard III online, would watching one of those help at all? 

 

It's really good to hear that R was able to talk to your psychologist about everything that's been happening for the system, is looking for another psychiatrist who's a better fit an option? 

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[Hc@Janine-RO Nice to meet you too. I don't remember too much about the safety plan, but hopefully it'll be helpful in the future.

 

Yeah. We can't have a few days off because we're still behind and we need to keep going otherwise we'll just get further behind. And I think R watched the Ian McKellen version of Richard III.

 

I'm not sure we can look for another psychiatrist. Our mum seems to agree with some of the things our current one has said, so idk. Plus she was the only one who thought she could help us and wasn't too far away from where we live.

Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS  Hc I'm glad that the safety plan should be useful for the system in the future- if you like having things in a digital form, there's an app for developing and storing a safety plan that might be helpful - you can check that out here if you're interested, it's called BeyondNow 

 

I've seen that one - I really liked it! I hope it helps to take the pressure off a bit, does do most of the schoolwork for the system? With the psychiatrist, I can totally understand why it would be tricky -  there's been a lot going on, and there's no rush to make changes right away, I just thought it might be worth mentioning. It can definitely take awhile to find the right supports. I hope all goes well with the team followup today

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[Yz] I'm yet another of us who hasn't talked here before. Got some stuff of the top of my head to write down that I don't want to forget so I'll try and make this quick.

 

Still behind on school work. We've still been keeping track of new members, and we've been working on an alphabetical list of us we've been working on for the last two weeks that we're slowly adding info to. For four days in a row last month we had no one new (25th-28th), which is pretty great, plus only one new one yesterday and no one new so far today.

 

Don't know what else to say other than we're still tired. I don't know that much else about what's been going on, other than my head's really fuzzy today and I'm struggling to focus on school work.

Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

Hi @SomeoneNADJS [Yz]

Nice to talk with you! Sounds like you have been trying to keep track of new members which hopefully is helping you feel a little more on top of things. Was also good to hear that you had a break from new members for a few days which made things feel a little easier.

 

Sorry to hear that your head is a bit fuzzy and you are struggling to focus, hopefully, you to some sleep last night. I have a puppy named Jake and he has been getting anxious at nights and didn't really sleep at all last night so I understand feeling tired and fuzzy its not much fun. 

 

Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R] I hate this system. Someone really fucked everything up. She was going to try and commit suicide last night, and I just switched in after she'd come home and patted the dogs. I told our mum and now she's left the house.

 

She said we didn't give a shit about her, that we're wasting her money because we struggle to remember speech therapy exercises and that we find it hard to talk about the system with our psychiatrist. I just wish we could just be normal. I want out of this absolute fucking hellhole.

Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R] She said she might even tell our dad. And he caused a bunch of trauma for us which we think led to Ms showing up in the system. I don't know what to do. We fucked everything up

Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R] If we were normal, then this wouldn't have happened. We're such terrible people. I don't know what to do. That member who did this should've told her before she did anything. But she didn't and now our mum thinks we don't trust her anymore.