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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS 

 

Hey A and R, 

 

It sounds like you're both really feeling the pressure of school and are doing the best you both  can to support each other through that stress. When I read your posts I often think about the incredible strength you all exhibit as a system. I can see how amazingly resilient you all are and how each system mate has wonderful strengths. I want to commend your ability to navigate who is best suited to manage certain situations, as difficult as that may be. 

 

There are a few key people I can think of that really embrace system pride. I'm sure you'd know them too, do you follow any Youtuber's that talk about it?

 

I also want to acknowledge how hard it must be for all system mates to feel as though they aren't being directly spoken to or heard by your supports. Mum sounds like she loves every part of you immensely, though it would hard for you all to feel fully validated when she isn't aware of your multiplicity.  

 

In a way, it reminds me of how hard it would have been for you to be living as a gender diverse system, back when you hadn't come out. Although there is undeniable pride in having a diverse gender, there is also a need for support. I think this links back to pluralism and how challenging it would be for you all to be validated, without your close supports knowing about it. 

 

How do you feel letting mum in on your pluralism may help all system mates to feel more heard/seen? 

 

My heart goes out to you all Heart If there's anything we can do to better support you all as a system, please don't hesitate to let us know. We really care for you all. 

 

loading hug GIF

 

 

 

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R@Bre-RO Thank you. We've debated in our system for a long time whether we should tell our mum or someone else. The general consensus I think is that it's still not a good idea. It would probably be a lot riskier than coming out as trans was. We currently don't follow any plural YouTubers.

 

I'm a bit disappointed at the moment because we just had to leave an online group for trans people because they weren't accepting of systems who didn't come from trauma (and for some reason thought that being plural without going through trauma was a religion). I think I was the only one of us who went on there anyway, but it doesn't feel great to be excluded.

 

Other than that, A and I have been doing better today. No one else has been up yet.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R] I’m freaking out a bit now because today we have a meeting with various people from school that I’m dreading. I’m terrified to be seen.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS 

 

Hey R, 

 

It's a very personal choice and one you all have to make as a system, I totally respect that Heart I hope that we can be a place where you can explore these decisions and experiences. You all deserve that support. 

 

Would you like me to have a look for some YouTubers that could be good to watch? I know it can be hard scrolling through all those videos. If there's anything of interest you'd wanna learn more about, let me know and I'll try and find something that fits for you. 

 

I'm really, really feeling for you all. In my opinion, it is nobody's place to decide what is/isn't trauma and how you have come to be plural. That is your experience to define and it's must have been so hurtful for you to have to leave that group. Is there anything we can do for you today to help you through the challenging day you and your systemmates are having? 

 

We are here for you all, thinking about you all and really care for you all. 

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R] Just had a really awful time. I shut down for I don’t know how long, and I just feel like crap and that I shouldn’t exist because I’m not cis and because I still feel like I’m hiding who I am. And it upsets me that our mum thinks this is an “Aspie thing”, but then after a while she said that it really scared her when I got like this.

 

Haven’t gone to the meeting yet. That will be in about an hour I think.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R@Bre-RO Thank you. Yes please. I’m not sure at the moment. Sorry, I’m in a hurry.

 

Edit: Yeah, it was hurtful. The owner of the group also said that the existence of non-trauma systems is harmful to trauma systems. We don’t want to hurt anyone though, and I don’t see how us existing is hurting anyone.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

@SomeoneNADJS I just want to say; your existence is not harmful.

You don't have to prove or justify your existence, because it just is, and there's nothing wrong with that.

 

The only harmful thing would be if you were dismissing or stigmatizing people in trauma systems, and I seriously doubt any of you would do that.

 

The owner of the group is being as small minded as the people who are transphobic.

And honestly, like with transphobes, it is that person's responsibility to change their attitude, not yours to change your existence.

 

All of you are welcome here, as a system and as trans people. 

You're all welcome here, as you are. 

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R] Thank you for the reassurance @Tiny_leaf. Smiley Happy

 

I found a new online trans group yesterday evening, and I asked the owner if they didn’t want any systems of certain origins there, and we’re okay there, which is good.

 

Meeting is over. It went alright. I’m doing better now than I was before.

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

hey @SomeoneNADJS

I'm so glad to hear that you've managed to find a community that suits you better! It's always hard when we are not accepted by a group of people, particularly those who we want to make new connections with. 

Also happy to hear that you're feeling better!

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Re: TW Feeling Miserable and Stuff

[R] Thanks @Andrea-RO

 

Had an appointment with the trans-specialised psychologist this morning. It didn’t go well because I was getting suicidal, and could barely speak again.

 

There’s just so much I’m scared of and I feel like I can’t tell anyone a lot of what’s bothering me because I feel like I can’t trust a lot of people. I’ve pretended to be male for a long time and to follow gendered social norms, and now I’ve done that to the point where it feels like I’m wearing a mask wherever I go. And I can’t talk about plural stuff because we’d be labelled as crazy. And because I’ve always been so worried about what everyone else thinks, it’s just too hard physically talking to anyone else if something’s bothering me.

 

It also bothers me a bit that I’m still doing a lot of things on the outside, because some other members of the system don’t feel like they’re prepared to deal with this stuff, which makes that a bit harder on me.

 

I’m safe still, just not having a great time at the moment.