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TW: Feeling despair and hopelessness about my life.

Hi guys,

Unless if you've read my last topic, I've just finished my 1st of 3 terms for Cert III in Hairdressing. I don't start TAFE again until the end of January. Initially I worked in a local hair salon but left due to the abusive treatment I suffered there. Since then, I had been searching around for jobs. I was lucky enough to make it into one job, but was dismissed following the trial (I wasn't 'fast-paced' and 'assured' enough).


I've since then continued volunteering for a charity shop (it's paid) and some freelance beauty work, but it's not enough. Initially I was living through rent. But I've made the unfortunate choice to return to living with my parents. I don't get along with them and I especially loathed my mother because she physically and emotionally abused me throughout my life.


She still is abusive to this day. She has berated me and reminded me of all my failures (including leaving my last job), blaming her problems on me. She has been manipulative as well, signing me up to jobs under my own name and even stole my debit card, paying for courses and products without my knowledge and permission.


Last night, I had discovered she had signed a contract with a landlord from another state, to send me and my sister over to and work/live there. (I live in Brisbane, the man's in Sydney). We are scheduled to leave on Boxing Day. When we tried to contact the man to cancel it, she deliberately cut off the power and threw our phones in a bin so we couldn't contact him. An argument with her led to her threatening us. In addition, she's currently hired some people to move our possessions to our new address. They're currently moving our stuff now.


I know this sounds rubbish and whiny, especially that I'm 21. But I'm financially fucked up and my independence and control has been stolen and taken advantage of. I have a boyfriend at the moment, and I will have to tell him the news soon. I know he and my friends will be devastated. We have to send in our resignation notices to our current workplaces, and it pains me to do so.


It's stupid, but even now I feel empty, nothing to be positive about. Nothing to speak for anymore. Nothing to be anymore. What I thought was once gone in the past is still here. I made a huge mistake in coming back home, but with no job, I don't have anything to pay back for. Me and my sister are both crushed and despairing our futures, especially that we are being moved to a new city with no-one except our cousin to know.


I'm sorry, I don't want to sound like a helpless victim. But with everything that's happened, there's nothing I can really figure out or seek help from myself. I don't want to live anymore. I don't want to keep suffering anymore. I don't want to spend another day struggling, living life as a puppet.


Thanks for reading this. Hopefully something can happen out of this, even if I can't see it right now.






Re: TW: Feeling despair and hopelessness about my life.

Hi @lamonica1997,


I am just about to send you an email now to check in- check your inbox when you can Heart

Re: TW: Feeling despair and hopelessness about my life.

Good evening Reachout,

Firstly, thank you for taking the time to be concerned and provide the necessary actions required. I understand you were concerned and that the actions you took were serious about what was happening.
I wanted to clarify that while my Mother did make threats and actions, she had never actually attacked us. She had done this in an attempt to stop us from doing something/disobeying her. With the incident last night, she had done what she did to scare us off. My sister calmly told her to put it down and took it from her. She did not hurt us any further.
Most of these actions stems from her mental health conditions. Her mental health had gradually been deteriorating over time. While she was naturally harsh and hot-headed, as she got older she was also less responsive and more paranoid, in addition to forgetting things and responding extremely. This may also attribute to Eastern Asian cultures or her upbringing for this. She has not been diagnosed or received medical treatment for this. This is what we widely assume.
I should have expanded more on this rather than just explaining it in brief detail. I apologize deeply that I got you into much concern that you called the police. I was shocked honestly when they arrived at our address. This was what I discussed to both of them. In the end, they left without pressing any charges or further action.
I am in no way trying to cover up or cower from what's been happening. This is my response to your concerns. While it was necessary and protocol, I believed your actions were quite extreme and my sister were quite upset as a result. 
I hope you now understand this and that there is clearer understanding about the situation.

Re: TW: Feeling despair and hopelessness about my life.

Hi @lamonica1997,

Thank you for getting back to us, we are replying via email now Heart

Re: TW: Feeling despair and hopelessness about my life.

I think it would be better to remove the post in public.

To be honest, the response that resulted in the police's encounter had worsened the situation. My family are all upset and embarrassed, especially towards me.  I have temporarily moved out due to my Mother being furious more than ever. The neighbourhood are aware of the incident and I've now beared the shame of being responsible for starting this.
While I understand Reachout was only trying to the best they could to support me, the incident had violated and diminished my trust and faith in your organisation. I am after all, 21 years old and there legally isn't anything that could be done about it. Had I realised the extent of the response Reachout provided, I would have never went ahead with the post. I am only sorry I did not understand this at the time. 
I'll be off Reachout for a while. I don't even know if I'm going to ever come back on it. Thank you for your understanding, for the brief time I had on the forums. Please don't contact me further out of dignity and privacy.

Re: TW: Feeling despair and hopelessness about my life.

Hi there @lamonica1997, I am so sorry to hear of all of this, and I very much appreciate you coming back on here to let us know how this has impacted you.

I can respond properly to your post via email - but am wondering if you would like me to remove this whole thread to protect your privacy?